


Writing Down Unwritten Rules

by QueenOfALotOfDifferentWorlds



Series: Slow Burn! The Series - with eventual Stony [8]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Crack, Crack and Angst, Domestic Fluff, Don't mess with Tony Stark, Everyone Gets A Hug, Everyone Loves Peter Parker, Everyone Loves Tony Stark, Everyone Needs A Hug, Family, Fluff & Angst, Found Family, He is trying okay, Healing, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, I mean the series is called that, I started to write character driven and now I can't stop, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Parent Tony Stark, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Love, Post-Avengers (2012), Precious Peter Parker, Press Conferences, Sarcasm, Slow Burn, Steve Rogers Gets a Hug, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Team as Family, Thor is a Good Bro (Marvel), To be honest, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony is not really helping... maybe, Trying to learn about the world, We're still trying to fix Hydra's mess, White Lies to protect those you Love, Winter gets a Hug, Winter needs a hug, different POVs, even brain washed assassins, everyone is healing, pre Bruce/Thor if you squint, so Winter is trying to learn them, social norms are hard, trying to fit in, we acknowledge that cannon exist and then ignore it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 46,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28632843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfALotOfDifferentWorlds/pseuds/QueenOfALotOfDifferentWorlds
Summary: After exposing Hydra and not dying (yeay to Team effort!) everything should get back to normal, right?Well, as normal as living with the Avengers can get. Especially if Winter is part of their family now (or so Tony decided).Also, Peter is staying over for a week, trying to make sure Mr. Stark is getting plenty of rest and is not being bothered by the totally overbearing adults in the Tower.Combine that with a common cold, a rather important press conference, slightly on edge heroes and Steve's decision to finally do something about his feelings and you got pandemonium.So yes, everything is back to normal.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Tony Stark & Avengers Team, Tony Stark & Winter, Winter & Avengers Team, Winter & Steve Rogers, pre Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Slow Burn! The Series - with eventual Stony [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978705
Comments: 249
Kudos: 101





	1. Tony: Killing People is Bad (exceptions include protecting others or yourself. When in doubt ask Jarvis, Rhodey or Pepper for advice)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, 
> 
> to newcomers: this is the 8th part of "Slow Burn! The Series", I would advise to read at least the last installment before this one. Better would be the whole damn thing ;)
> 
> to my lovely long-time readers: welcome back! 
> 
> In the end notes are infos that might clear up some questions some might have as the lovely De_Marvel_Bunny let me know.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> (Disclaimer: I don't make any money off of this and I don't own Marvel.)

Tony was tired. Not the exhaustion that had him be compliant to the sleep-conspiracy every Avenger, Pepper, Rhodey, Jarvis, Peter and even Winter were a part of (which, Tony wanted to have that on record, had only been tolerated by him for so long because of the near sepsis, blood poisoning and maybe the exhaustion because of the whole shit that had been happening but this was beside the point). 

It had been ten days since Winter and he came home and by now he was fine. Seriously. He could move his shoulder, didn’t need any pain medications anymore (even though everyone disagreed – aside from Winter) and Rhodey didn’t need to hold his hand whenever he got near to a fucking sink. He was fine. Almost great even.

Still, his so-called friends ignored him whenever he mentioned that. Constantly. All of them were still sleeping in the common living room. At least three of them were constantly around him and Steve had only managed to leave him twice for longer than it took to take a shit. 

Was Tony bitter? A little, maybe, but being constantly surrounded, being constantly touched and looked at and told to sleep and eat and heal? They should be thankful he hadn’t started killing people yet. But he couldn’t do that, could he? And no, it had nothing to do with the law, or that he loved them or any of that crap. But, while being locked out of his workshop – by Jarvis, the traitor – Tony had continued to work on another project: teaching Winter.

As Buttercup was still not speaking to the Avengers, or anyone, really, it had been kind of challenging to find out what he could and couldn’t do. He was well versed in everything that could be helpful for a mission like driving a car or using any and all weapons and communication devices – even iPhones. Fucking iPhones. 

Everything else he didn’t know, like turning on a TV or what movies were. He was clever and curious if you gave him a chance, so he figured most things out quickly, still, he had gaps in his knowledge that were a lot more severe than being unable to understand Tony’s brilliant references. 

He was getting kind of worried that Winter stayed mute for this long. Not that he thought that it bothered Winter even half as much. But he had started to talk more with Tony over the five days of their little journey. Not that he could really fault him for it. Some of the Avengers continued to be civil at best. 

Nat and Clint, although not outright hostile, were warry and never slept at the same time. As if they believed Winter would one day just snap and murder them all. It was theoretically possible, sure, but it was far more likely that Tony would snap and start killing Avengers left and right. Especially if they kept trying to force him to drink the disgusting tea Bruce tried to poison him with – and he couldn’t even say that or Winter would try to save him and in that case it was highly unlikely that Hulk and Winter wouldn’t fight it out. As the repairs inside the Tower were just finished they should try to delay that as long as possible.

That was something else. Winter got restless as much as Tony, but where Tony wanted to lose himself into working on some projects – or one very specific project – Winter probably needed some kind of workout. Like Steve, who had to be convinced to do his running and exercise and all the crap he normally did as if it was a religious experience.

Bruce, who appeared to see how close Tony was to breaking (presumably because he lived on that very edge) had stopped trying to force Tony to do anything and, just this morning, had asked if Tony wanted to look over something or other. Tony would think a lot higher of the other genius if he wouldn’t have stopped talking just because Nat had glared at him. 

Thor, in true Thor-fashion, tried his best to talk to Winter, who either threatened to stab the god or ignored him all together. That had been the moment Tony had started the Do’s and Don’t’s of society. The first rule was, once again: Killing People is Bad (exceptions include protecting others or yourself. When in doubt ask Jarvis, Rhodey or Pepper for advice). 

Winter had glared at him when he had written it down on a sheet of paper and made Steve pin it on the fridge. Probably, because he knew that rule already. Possibly, because Tony had threatened to take away Winter’s knives. It most likely had nothing to do with him stumbling when he tried to pin it on the fridge and almost impaling himself on the pen. 

And Steve? In one moment, he was trying to be open and friendly, doing his best to welcome Winter and see him as the person he was and in the next he either shut down, grieve suffocating him and everyone around him or he just stood up and left the situation. Not for long, mind you. It seemed he couldn’t be long gone from his best friend, staying as close as possible. And freaking Winter out.

Because Winter didn’t seem to be able to relax around any of them and as they refused to leave Tony alone with him, they couldn’t really talk about it – which Tony thanked every imaginary entity for. On the other hand… well, he would have to have that conversation sometime. Mostly because there was no one else Winter would speak to – that was if he was willing to talk to Tony.

“Sir?”

Tony looked up from the tablet that was laying on his lap on which he was designing an arm – no specific reason –, was trying to convince Pepper to let him work again (but not the boring paper work, what the hell Pepper?) and bully Rhodey into ordering the Avengers to all go out there and dance in front of the media to distract everyone a little longer from why Tony hadn’t said anything to everything by now (not that Rhodey actually could order them, but he knew enough people to make it happen).

“Please tell me there is a crisis somewhere, Jay.” Expertly, he ignored the accusing glares from Nat and Steve, his wardens right now. Winter, who was watching a cooking show, glanced over at him, something akin to interest in his blue-grey eyes. Hah! He wasn’t the only one getting bored around here.

“I’m sorry to inform you that there are no knew crises out there, Sir. It’s just still the remnants of Hydra trying to take over the world.”

“Shame.”

“Indeed, Sir.” Jarvis agreed, indulgingly, before getting down to business. Probably to stop Tony from saying more stupid shit that would elevate the blood pressure of everyone else in the room.

“Mrs. Parker just asked if Mr. Parker is still welcome tomorrow to stay for a week, Sir.”

Tony would never admit that he had forgotten anything about Peter. Especially not that he had agreed months ago for the teenager to stay a week in Avengers Tower while his aunt was on some seminar for nurses with the depressing title  _ Palliative Medicine and Terminal Care – accompanying people in their last days _ . And he hadn’t googled that because he had been sure she had been lying to him about that seminar. 

He also hadn’t forgotten to inform the Avengers. Nope. He totally hadn’t. Hopefully. 

“Yeah, sure.”

“Tony-”

“Yes, Steve?” Tony turned his head around, blinking up at the taller man with his big brown eyes, trying hard for the innocent look. The snort from both the Black Widow and the former Winter Soldier – and wasn’t that a combination that would never ever be allowed to happen – informed Tony in the subtlest way possible, that he might have not pulled it off very convincingly. 

Steve swallowed before exhaling harshly. Yeah, that didn’t work. New strategy. 

“I’m concerned about him.” That, as planned, stopped Steve in whatever he wanted to say. It also was the truth. Last time Tony had had a small cough the teen had practically moved in. Now, when the Avengers annoyingly followed him to the bathroom – and no, that was no exaggeration, even if Tony fucking wished it was – and Peter had basically been there when he had been kidnapped and given back (even if he wasn’t an object and would have loved to be able to describe it differently, but that wouldn’t have been nearly as… fitting) he had visited once. 

Not that Tony didn’t think it was healthy for the teen to be at school and do teenager-shit, but the first two days he had barely let go of Tony, clutching him as if he had feared he would vanish the second he turned away – and that was Tony’s fault – and then, he had basically told Tony he had school and left.

Something had happened. Tony didn’t know what, hadn’t had the presence of mind to ask, but something had happened and Peter had left and he had to find out what and fix it. It wasn’t like Peter ignored him. They texted regularly and Rhodey had told him they texted as well, still… something was up and Tony had to find out what it was and then fix it.

Steve deflated like a balloon, which coincidentally pressed him closer to Tony’s side. It was just because they were sitting right beside each other. And that couldn’t be helped because only Tony or Clint were allowed to sit down beside Nat – or were suicidal enough to try it – and she sat on the other couch, while Winter sat on the other side of this one and not even Hawkeye was stupid enough to crowd his space.

Tony’s phone vibrated and he looked down. Peter just texted him excitedly, telling him he had feared he couldn’t come over and that he wanted to see him, not because of anything, and they didn’t need to do anything and he needed to rest and-

If Tony didn’t know Peter wasn’t his own (he checked) he would swear they were blood related. But even he – and he wouldn’t accept any evidence against this – would be able to ramble like this via text. 

Responding like a proper adult (the thumbs up emoji), he looked up again, meeting the concerned blue eyes of Steve.

Raising his eyebrow, Tony waited. After talking to Rhodey, Tony had been able to calm down a little. Getting the whole  _ he killed my parents thing _ of his chest had made it easier to breathe – which made no sense at all, but the human body rarely did. Rhodey, as the perfect brother that he was, had helped put him back together and then told him to stop being an ass. He had phrased (and probably meant) it differently but that didn’t really matter. 

Tony  _ knew _ that this whole mess must be ripping Steve apart. He not only had the body of his best friend back who didn’t remember him and had been a prisoner of war for almost seventy years, no, Hydra had tried to take over the world and, even though they hadn’t succeeded, they all had believed they didn’t exist anymore.

How would Tony react if the Ten Rings showed up, parading a brain washed Yinsen in front of him? Not that that came even close to what Steve must be going through right now. (But Tony was too cowardly to even think of Rhodey in Winter’s shoes. And didn’t that prove his point?)

The answer was either a catatonic mess or murderous rage monster rivalling the Hulk. Both wouldn’t be pretty and far more destructive than Steve’s way of dealing. Or rather not-dealing. But as Tony wasn’t a hypocrite – most of the time – he wouldn’t tell him how to deal with his trauma. Hell, he wouldn’t even know where to start. 

Which brought him back to Winter – and Peter. Unsurprisingly, Winter trusted Peter – who wouldn’t – and there was a good chance with Peter around he would start talking again. Also, Peter would be able to see that Tony was almost good as new, so there was no need to panic just because he had been shot a couple of times. 

It would also give Steve something to do. Peter had mostly forgiven the super soldier for not telling him that they had thought Tony had died after thinking about it. He was still pissed about it, but it had taken him less than a day to grasp what it must have done to Steve to find out Hydra was still out there. 

Tony had been ridiculously proud of him for that (not that he wasn’t always proud of Peter). He had told him so, emphasising how important empathy was. Or at least that was what Pepper always told him.

“You can take him running again, this time he isn’t even going to freeze.” Tony smiled up at Steve, when he still didn’t say anything, as if he had forgotten what he wanted to say altogether.

Steve flinched slightly, something Tony definitely hadn’t intended for, before smiling sadly. “I don’t think he would want to do that.”

“I told you, he has-”

“Telling you that is a long way from actually forgiving me.”

“Peter isn’t resentful. He-”

“I know, Tony.” Steve smiled, this one a little less sad – good! – but longing – weird.

“Miss Potts is calling, Sir.”

Tony didn’t look away from Steve when he told Jay to answer the call. 

“Have you thought about the  _ conference _ , Tony? I would think you would have enough time for that if you could send me forty-six messages about going back to your workshop.”

Fuck. 

“Pepper, light of my life, I-”

“So, you didn’t.”

“Of course, I did. Would I ever disappoint you?”

This time Nat, Winter and Steve snorted – and Tony knew Jarvis would have too, if he could. They were all a bunch of traitors.

“Let’s make a deal then, Mr. Stark. Jarvis will let you back into your workshop  _ after _ you prepared for the conference.”

“That’s not fair, Pep! This is my Tower and my workshop, not to mention  _ my  _ AI!”

“As your boss-”

“We both know you bossed me around long before-”

“As your boss and  _ friend, _ I only want what’s best for you.”

Tony bit down hard on his lower lip, trying to hold back what he wanted to answer to that. The harmless banter would escalate into a full-on screaming match if he opened his mouth right now. Instead, he focussed on breathing. Focussed on his blood pulsing through his veins, reminding himself that Pep was his friend. She did want him to be safe and happy. To know that didn’t make it better.

“I’m sorry, Tony.”

He didn’t answer. Didn’t look at Steve, or Nat, or Winter.

“Helen-”

“I’m  _ fine _ , Pepper.” His tone was cutting.

The fact that she paused said enough. That Steve’s hand enclosed his own said even more. He didn’t look up, didn’t want to see Winter staring threateningly at the speaker.

“Could you  _ please _ start preparing the conference. The P- We need to handle the situation as soon as possible.” Her voice was softer, almost pleading even though Pepper Potts didn’t plead. 

She was right, of course. She always was. That was one of the reasons Tony loved Pepper. She knew what they needed to do and she would get it done. And she never begged down.

“I know.”

“Thank you.” She hesitated, as if she wanted to say more, but right now, Tony didn’t want to hear it. 

“I’ll send you everything as soon as I have time to  _ work  _ on it.”

“…okay. Love you, Tony.” 

“Love you, too, Pep.”

The call disconnected and Tony pushed himself off the couch, ignoring Steve’s call. He ignored Winter when he stepped noiselessly beside him into the elevator. 

Jarvis didn’t ask where he wanted to go. He knew Tony even better than Pepper and they both had heard the subtext. Tony had been pushed too far. Not too far too far, but far enough to decide this was it. Did that even make sense? Didn’t matter. 

“Black out mode, Jay. Emergencies only.”

Jarvis didn’t comment on that, just blacked out the workshop as soon as Winter and Tony had stepped inside of it. Did Tony wish he was here alone? Yes. Was he an asshole enough to kick Winter out? No. Not yet.

“Step aside, Buttercup.” He instructed Winter, before taking a wrench from his work bench, exhaling harshly, and then hurled it with all he got against the nearest wall.

He didn’t scream. He just threw shit.

When nothing throwable was in his near vicinity anymore – and his shoulder had started throbbing unpleasantly – he sat down on the floor, ignoring his accelerated breathing and sped up heartbeat. Pressing his forehead to his knees, he ignored everything.

He ignored the pain, ignored the guilt, ignored that Winter had seen all of this. That he might have scared him and that he was most likely freaking Steve out. He ignored that he had to get his shit together because he couldn’t put more stress on both of them and that he had to be better for Peter and that-

A warm hand carefully and hesitantly touched his shoulder and he flinched. Looking up, Winter had scuttled back, his hands held up in surrender, looking conflicted.

Tony exhaled, forcing a smile on his expression. “I’m sorry, Buttercup.”

Winter’s forehead wrinkled more, obviously confused and worried.

“I didn’t mean to… well, to freak you out.”

“Angry.”

Tony felt the smile on his lips widen. He had missed Winter’s voice.

“Yes, I’m angry, but not at you.”

Winter nodded, his expression relaxing. “Know.”

“You know what?”

“Angry because order.”

Tony’s eyebrows raised without his input. 

“Not good deciding for others.” Winter said, an almost protective tone in his voice.

Tony huffed a laugh. “That’s right, Buttercup. It’s not good. Pepper didn’t mean anything bad by it though. She has a lot of responsibilities and-”

“Hurt you.”

Exhaling harshly again, Tony leaned against the table leg behind him and nodded, tiredly. If it was anyone else he would have either thrown them out of the workshop – yes, even Nat – or denied everything altogether. But Winter just started to learn all of this. What would it do to him if Tony lied to him now? Deflecting wasn’t lying, though.

“I’m glad you’re talking again, Winter.”

Winter scrunched up his forehead, proving what Tony had suspected. Winter didn’t find it hard to not talk. Granted, there were probably few people who suffered as much as Tony when he wasn’t supposed to talk. Not that he ever really tried.

“Sir?”

For one glorious moment Tony thought about not answering Jarvis. But he was still too relieved to have him back to do that even if he knew what he would say.

“Tell them I’m fine.”

“I fear Captain Rogers and Miss Romanov are standing in front of your workshop, Sir, and heard the… commotion.”

“Tell them I’m not being murdered.”

“I already did, Sir. Even though they seem pleased by it, they do want to check up on you.”

If he was a working adult, he would stand up, go over to the doors and let them in. He would tell them… well that nothing interesting happened and… what would an adult do in this situation? Or better said, what would a functioning adult do in this situation, if they ever got into a situation like this?

Tony really didn’t know.

“Tony?”

He looked up at Winter again. His posture had changed, from relaxed to battle ready. Shit, okay, this first then.

“It’s okay, Buttercup. I’m fine and they are just worried, okay?”

“Didn’t hurt you.”

“No, I know and Jarvis told them that, too, right Jay?”

“Of course, Mr. Winter. You were rather helpful.” He didn’t need to sound so resentful about it, but then again Jarvis was his own person and still hadn’t forgiven the brainwashed prisoner of war for kidnapping Tony. (Not that Tony could fault him for it. The second he got his hands on the hacker who had gotten to Jarvis he would kill them. All in all, Jarvis was handling it rather well.)

Winter glared suspiciously at the speaker and camera of Jarvis, but didn’t answer him.

“You know you can talk if you want to, Winter, right? The Avengers won’t…” What? Laugh? Hurt him?

“Don’t trust them.”

That was fair. He had no reason to trust them yet. Not that he had many reasons to trust Tony.

“That’s okay. The knocking works. But if you  _ want to _ talk you can do it, okay?” 

Winter nodded. 

“Jarvis, remind me to write down a new rule:  _ Everyone is allowed to express themselves however they are most comfortable _ .”

“Mr. Barton did suggest expressive dance as a good way of communication.”

“Alter that to  _ Everyone is allowed to express themselves however they are most comfortable as long as it doesn’t make other people uncomfortable. _ ”

“Very well, Sir.”


	2. Steve: You DO NOT get between Tony and his coffee, Thor and his pop tarts, Nat and her knives, Clint and his remote (or Steve and his Tony)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is trying to get his head around the Bucky-Winter thing... and Tony, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, 
> 
> this tool a lot longer than I had planned, but my lovely beta reader just finished her work in the dead of night: thank you so much, dearest!
> 
> Enjoy!

More than anything, even more than breaking through the blacked-out walls around Tony’s workshop and dragging his genius into his arms, Steve wanted to have Bucky back. 

When he had first woken up in the future, he had ignored anything and everything and no one had asked. For them it had been almost 70 years. For him it had been  _ days _ that they had had their last mission.

That he had given the order and had been too slow. 

That he had seen Bucky fall.

That he had lost him.

Then he had met the Avengers. He had met new people, made friends who had become his family. And for a moment he had thought… he had felt fine. Sure, it would always sting when he thought about Bucky. But when he had thought of him, he had wanted to tell him about Tony. He had wanted to hear Bucky tell him how stupid he was that he couldn’t even secure his own fella. 

He had sometimes laughed, thinking what Bucky would have said to him, if Steve could have told him that he had fallen in love with a genius billionaire. Probably something like  _ go get him, punk _ . 

He had wanted to introduce him to the rest of the Avengers. He would have been fast friends with Clint and the Tower would have been a prank zone from day one. He would have been friends with Nat, being appreciative of her skills and wanting to learn from her. 

He would have loved Tony for making it difficult for Steve when Steve was being an ass. He would have been star struck by all the wonders in Tony’s workshop. 

Bucky would have fit in with the Avengers.

But whenever Steve had thought about him in the last couple of months, it had been bittersweet. He had told Tony some stories, about two dead-poor kids in Brooklyn being there for each other. He had thought back with more emotions than guilt and anger and grief. 

Now, all he had was that guilt and anger and grief. Bucky hadn’t died. Bucky had been alive. Bucky had been tortured and broken over and over again. They had killed his mind. Had destroyed everything that had made him  _ Bucky _ and used his walking corpse as a weapon.

Steve had failed Bucky. He had let him fall. He had left him there. He hadn’t been there when his brother had needed him most. He had stayed 66 years on ice, not doing a fucking thing while Bucky-

And even now, he did nothing. Bucky hated him – like he should. But it wasn’t Bucky, was it? It was  _ Winter _ . The new… person? The new someone who lived in his brother’s body. The one that occupied him after Hydra had destroyed Bucky.

And, as if that wasn’t enough, Hydra had made Bucky – Winter – kidnap Tony. They had made  _ him _ hurt Tony. It had been  _ him _ in that video staging it as if he had killed Steve’s Tony and Steve just couldn’t forget it. Couldn’t forget the emptiness, the bottomless pain that had suffocated him. 

Every time he looked at Winter he saw the Winter Soldier killing Tony while his brain screamed at him that it was his brother. That this was what was left of Bucky because Steve had failed him.

He had tried. For Winter, for Tony, to… adjust? Suppress? Forget? Steve wasn’t sure, but he had tried. 

He had watched Winter to the point that the assassin had glared back so fiercely Steve had known it was only a matter of seconds before he would be murdered right there in their living room.

What must Tony have gone through? He hadn’t told them much about how he found out who Winter was. Had been. What had happened to Bucky. He had just said that he had hacked into the computer they had him working on and that the hacker had left him an info package. 

Steve  _ knew _ , because he knew Tony, knew how protective he was, how much he  _ cared _ , that he hadn’t told Steve even a fraction of what had been done to Bucky. Tony also hadn’t said one word against the assassin. Hadn’t said from which point on they had worked together, because if they had worked together from the start Winter wouldn’t have stopped the call. He would have told Tony that he staged it like he had killed Tony.

If they had worked together Tony would have called the minute he got his hands on a phone and they would have gotten them out.

Steve was almost certain that Winter had drugged Tony before ‘keeping him safe’. Winter had drugged Tony and then locked him in while he went on a murder spree. 

He had done that to Tony right after they had escaped Hydra. 

The muffled noises of tumult had stopped a while ago and even if Steve knew that Jarvis would have broken any protocol if Winter had attacked Tony, it almost killed him to stand outside of the blackened glass, waiting.

It was probably good that Tony let go. That he expressed his anger. But not with his kidnapper there.

Aside from the times where Tony had snapped or they had argued, Tony had been coiled tight, trying to hold all of them together while he was unravelling in front of their eyes. While he was breaking and Steve could do nothing but watch. Instead, he had made it worse and-

Steve sighed, pressing his back to the cold concrete wall and sliding down into a sitting position. Nat was standing right beside him, her eyes trained on the workshop doors, her head lightly tilted, listening to any and all indications that their genius needed rescue. 

Focussing on his breathing, he tried to remember everything that had been written in the books that Jarvis (Tony) had ordered for him when he had found out (hacked the files more likely) that Steve sat in silence with the mandated therapist SHIELD made him go to.

Jarvis (on Tony’s behalf, Steve just knew that) had explained to Steve that working through one’s issues was something that needed to happen and that Tony worked on it as well, using these books.

They had never talked about it. Not when they had nightmares. Not when they had panic attacks. They just used their learned knowledge to help themselves and each other. It was the reason why Steve had asked Jarvis to get more books on recovery. Some of them the same Luca had at her place.

He read them on his phone whenever he could. Sure, he preferred to read actual books, but he didn’t want Tony to know about them. He couldn’t let Bucky – Winter know about them.

One of the tips in one of his books had been to focus on everything that was different in the here and now opposed to the traumatic event, for instance in a panic attack. Steve tried to do that with Winter and Bucky. And to not hate Winter for it.

He understood that this wasn’t Winter’s fault. Of course, it wasn’t. Winter hadn’t killed Bucky. Winter existed because Hydra had killed Bucky. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t. 

But it felt different to Steve. Even if Hydra (something else he had to deal with sooner rather than later) was at fault. Steve was at fault. Not Winter. 

Therefore, he tried to focus on the differences between them. Like his eyes. They were blue, the same shade Bucky’s eyes had been, but there was nothing in them that Steve associated with his brother. Not the familiarity. Not the love and trust. Not the mischief and humour. There still was a burning fire, fierce and dangerous, but where Bucky’s had been a wildfire, hot and raging, this was controlled and almost hidden, only flaring up when someone got too close to Tony.

That was something else, too. Bucky had always been protective of Steve. Before the serum, he had fought his fights and after he had been by his side, always watching his back. Always quick to jump to his defence. Always quick to fight any- and everyone that said anything against Steve. Winter on the other hand seemed to hate him. Not that Steve would ever fault him for it. He hated himself, too. 

But Winter was as protective of Tony as Bucky had been of Steve. Or even more overprotective. It was obvious that he would do anything to keep Tony safe. He had been ready to go against all of the Avengers for him. He stayed in the Tower for Tony. 

Steve understood, as did the other Avengers. Tony, the real Tony, inspired loyalty because he would do anything to protect you whether he knew you or not. But when you were one of his? Tony would move heaven and earth, change the laws of physics and let the sun set in the east just to make you smile. He would give his bleeding heart, anything you wanted. He would save his kidnapper just because he needed saving. 

Steve leaned forward, pressing his forehead to his knees. They were alone here in the cold hallway of Tony’s workshop. Here he didn’t have to be Captain America. And Nat probably knew more about his emotional situation then Steve himself.

As if she had heard his thoughts, a small, warm hand came to rest on his shoulder. She didn’t say anything. She seldom did in situations like these. But she was here. She ignored the phone vibrating in her pocket. Steve had left his phone up at his floor, ignoring its existence altogether. 

Right now, Steve didn’t care. He was selfish, he knew. But he  _ couldn’t _ leave Tony. Not now. Not while he was so clearly struggling. Not while he was trying to help Winter, to help who had been Bucky. Not while he was injured.

Not while he was so clearly hurt even if Steve didn’t know what hurt him or what he could do to help. There were moments in which he felt the strain on Tony lessen when he fell asleep on Steve. There were times during the night when he felt the genius flinch and calm when Steve would murmur soothing words to him or carefully brush hair out of his face.

It didn’t matter whether or not Tony felt the same for him, Steve would be right by his side, offering whatever he could to help. To at least lessen whatever it was that was still breaking Tony. It had gotten a little better a couple of days ago after Colonel Rhodes had helped him. Tony had been exhausted, his eyes still slightly red-rimmed when they had come back down to the common floor, but Tony had been better all the same.

It was hard for Steve to not feel jealous because of it. He was thankful that Tony had the Colonel and that said Colonel not only took more upon himself to make sure that Steve could stay with Tony, but also had taken the time out of his day to be there for Tony. Still, he wanted to be able to help Tony like that too.

What had actually lessened the sting had been a text message the Colonel had sent that same day to Steve, ordering him to stay close to Tony and to message the Colonel if anything happened. He, of course, hadn’t betrayed Tony’s trust, but you didn’t need to be a tactician or a spy to know that Tony wasn’t himself right now.

Inhaling deeply once again, Steve focused on what he wanted and what would be his next steps. Another of the exercises he had read in the books. 

He wanted to tell Tony how he felt. Right now, wasn’t the time, though, not while Tony was still dealing with whatever it was he was dealing with.

He wanted to help Tony. For that he would stay close, like he did right now. He would (try to) respect whenever Tony wanted to be alone. Because Tony needed it, whether or not it was killing Steve. He would give him that. 

It would help Tony if Winter would calm down, so he would try harder to get to know him and… let go of Bucky. The thought alone felt like a burning stone in his gut. Steve swallowed. If Tony was right, and he was right more often than not, Bucky was gone. It shouldn’t be a difference, because Steve had accepted that, hadn’t he? It shouldn’t make a difference that…

He didn’t even believe himself. But it didn’t matter. Not one bit. He  _ would _ let go of Bucky. He would do it. Because Tony needed him to. Hell, Steve needed himself to do it, too. He would accept… he would try to…

Fuck. 

He exhaled again, harshly, pressing his head harder against his knees. Focus. He needed to focus.

He wanted the Avengers to relax again. He needed to protect his team. He needed to make them feel safe again. For that he would… accept Winter. He would do what Tony wanted – and what Winter  _ deserved _ as long as he didn’t hurt anyone and give him a chance. He would.

He wanted Tony to be safe. For that he would try to get to know Winter, to make sure that he was safe. If he was, Tony would be better protected with him around, Winter would have a task to do and hopefully calm down as well, because Steve saw all those flashes of worry or panic whenever someone got between him and Tony.

He wanted Hydra to end. He wanted them to lose for good. He wanted the world to wake up and realize that violence was never the answer. That their beliefs were  _ wrong _ . And as soon as Tony was better, they would go out there and they would stop them once and for all.

He wanted to go back in time and-

The workshop door opened with a hissing sound and when Steve looked up, all the glass walls were clear again.

The warm hand on his shoulder vanished and Steve pushed himself up, schooling his expression and relaxing his shoulders. The last thing he wanted was for Tony to feel threatened by their… worry.

A second later, Tony stepped out, his body language almost calm, even though he favoured his injured shoulder.

“Don’t worry, nothing happened.” He said flippantly, sending them both a boyish smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

Before Steve could stop himself, he stepped forward, his hand already reaching out to Tony. He knew Tony needed time and space and that he hated to show weakness, but… he couldn’t stand by while Tony was so clearly hurting. 

Whatever it was what had set him off during his phone call with Pepper like that, it had hurt Tony and Tony had hurt himself because of it. All Steve wanted, all he  _ needed _ was to know that he would be okay.

Tony tensed before relaxing again. This time the smile was almost true. “Seriously, Steve, I’m fine.” He reached out to Steve, taking his hand and squeezing it lightly, sending a warm thrill through Steve. Tony didn’t mean it like that, he knew, but it was enough that he wanted the physical contact. That he had reached out and taken Steve’s hand.

“I don’t think that word means what you think it means.” Natasha didn’t step closer, most likely to keep Winter calm, who hovered right beside Tony, eyeing them both warily. 

“I will remind you of that the next time you come to me blood still dripping, Red.”

“When did that happen?” Steve asked, only partly to move the conversation forward, clinging tightly to Tony. 

“Never.” Nat informed him; her voice flat. 

The smile on Tony’s face was almost worth the worry Steve would have to deal with until he found out what had happened – and the worry he would feel afterwards, because he knew if it had happened already it would probably happen in the future. Heck, even if it hadn’t happened in the past it could still happen in the future. 

“Are you sure? I distinctly remember-” Tony was abruptly cut off when Nat stepped forward, most likely to intensify her glare and Winter – Bucky… no. Winter – yanked Tony backwards, stepping in front of him and glowering at the Black Widow.

Tony huffed, a surprised and fondly annoyed noise. Not what Steve held back, which would have been closer to a furious growl because Winter had also ripped Tony’s hand out of Steve’s. And then there was the matter that two of the deadliest assassins were about to finally test their skills against each other.

“Don’t mind her, Buttercup.” Tony petted Winter’s flesh arm, patronizingly, which earned him a glare, too, when he stepped around him, closer to Steve. “What are we going to order and whose choice of movie is it tonight?”

“Thor’s.” Nat answered him, her posture relaxing although her sharp eyes never left Winter.

“Again?” Tony whined, stepping in front of the elevator. Steve couldn’t help himself, he smiled.

“I don’t know if I can take it if we have to watch Brave again. I’d rather be kid-”

“Don’t finish that sentence.” The words were sharper than Steve had wanted them to be, evident by the flinch Tony tried to hide.

“On second thought, the music is catchy.” Tony stepped closer again, his shoulder brushing against Steve’s and it calmed him some to feel the other man. For a moment he debated if he should throw caution to the wind and just hug Tony and never let him go, when Nat also stepped into the elevator and Winter pressed closer to Tony’s other side.

Holding back a sigh, Steve contented himself with the warmth of Tony’s arm leaning against him. Tony would sit beside him during the movie and fall asleep on him, snuggling closer like a kitten. He had done so every night since he was back with them and it was the only reason Steve hadn’t already lost his mind. 

As soon as the elevator doors opened to the common floor, they were assaulted by background noises loud enough to wake the dead, smoke and a strong smell of something burned. 

“What the-” Tony started forward when three arms held him back, this once neither Nat nor Winter twitching at the fast movements of the other.

“Seriously? Jay, what-”

“Mr. Barton and Thor-”

“Gotcha.” Tony sighed, pushing forward and this time, Nat and Steve let him go, because whatever was happening, it wouldn’t be malicious or deadly. Probably dangerous, messy and utterly idiotic, but that was par for the course when you left Clint and Thor to their own devices. If anything, it was Natasha’s and his fault that this was happening.

Winter seemed suspicious but didn’t stop Tony, just followed him closely, his body language indicating that he was ready to protect or attack in a moment’s notice. Still, Steve had seen the look he had shot at Steve, as if to check if he was worried by this. As if Winter actually trusted him enough to know he wouldn’t want for Tony to get hurt. 

As soon as the open kitchen came into view Tony stopped dead in his movement.

“What. The. Fuck?”

That was a very good question. Steve would like an answer as well even though he knew already that there wouldn’t be a good one. They never had a good one.

Thor and Clint were standing on either side of the kitchen counter, both looking like they lost a war against the kitchen equipment. All of it. There was something that was, judging by the colour, probably a blueberry smoothy dripping from Clint and off the ceiling. Flour covered both men, the kitchen isle and most of the floor. The tracks in it suggested not only that it had happened a little while ago, but also that either they had danced in it or that they had chased one another. 

A succinct burning smell and smoke still hung in the air and on the counter stood what could possibly have been a cake before they burned it to a crisp. Used bowls, spatulas and wooden spoons were lying everywhere as well as various ingredients. 

“We can explain.” Clint said, confidently.

Steve didn’t believe him. 

“You wanted to bake for Tony.” Natasha said, deadpan. 

“Yes!” Thor boomed, smiling widely and ignoring that his hair was matted with what might be cream. “It is customary to give people food to cheer them up, our Anthony taught me that!”

“And what is better than a home baked pie!” Clint agreed, grinning widely.

“One that isn’t dripping from the fucking ceiling?” Tony drawled, his head inclined slightly, one of his eyebrows raised the way he always did to seem disapproving when he was trying to hold back laughter.

“Or burnt to ash?” 

“Good point, Red. I also like my food to be, you know, edible.”

“Oh, come on.” Clint whined, ignoring the way that more smoothie dripped down from his hair onto his shoulder. “Who could have known that this would happen?”

The following silence was more telling than anything else. Even Winter looked as if he would have been able to guess this outcome. 

“If this is the response we get when we cook for you I will  _ never _ -”

“Do you promise?”

Clint pressed a hand to his chest, looking deeply offended, but before he could start one of his rants (and he would have, he always did and watching him and Tony rant at each other was a sight to see) Thor stepped around the kitchen island, his expression actually crestfallen.

“My friend, we wanted to show our respect and love for you in your time of need.”

Tony swallowed, his face softening, even if Steve saw how his hand twitched as if he wanted to ball it to a fist. “Thanks Thor. Next time just maybe get help from Bruce or something.”

“I will, my friend.” Thor boomed, a new smile brightening his expression. Throwing his arms wide, he stepped forward to crush Tony in one of his bear hugs, when Winter got between them, one of his combat knives out.

“Do not worry, friend Winter, I do not want to harm our Tony.” 

Winter didn’t seem impressed, but he also hadn’t tried to stab Thor yet, so that was at least something positive.

Tony seemed to think so, too. He petted him absent-mindedly. “Thor is harmless, Buttercup, no need for the big knives.”

Winter glared at Tony, something he did almost as often as he glared at all of them. Even if it was a different kind of glare, Steve had come to realize. Underlying was worry. And maybe a little frustration. Another difference to Bucky. He had always lost his shit when Steve did something Bucky thought to be stupid.

“Sure. Thor is harmless and Nat has  _ never _ killed a guy with a paperclip.” Clint rolled his eyes, leaning back against one of the – previously – clean spots of the entire kitchen.

Winter’s eyes flashed back to Natasha with something that was almost appreciation if you ignored the clear warning in his body language. No one did. Well, aside from Tony, who couldn’t care less. Steve clamped down on his own frustration that Tony either didn’t want to see the very real possible threat right in front of him or his inability to grasp it with his genius brain.

“Jay, show Birdbrain and Point Break here where our cleaning supplies are, I assume we have some?”

“We do, Sir. Might I suggest they clean themselves up beforehand?”

“Excellent idea.” Tony made a shooing motion towards his fellow team members. “Get moving or I let Captain Clean over there handle the situation.” 

Steve raised an eyebrow, trying to look annoyed at that, even though he really wasn’t, because Tony was quipping again and looked genuinely distracted by the mess. If this got him smiling again, Steve was fine with it.

“Yes, mom.” Clint grumbled as he and Thor left the floor. Of course not, before he flicked some of the smoothie on Tony, all the while looking challengingly at Winter, who didn’t even flinch.

“Is anything dangerous in here, Jay?”

“I don’t think so, Sir, as long as you don’t try to consume anything.”

“I’m not  _ that _ suicidal.” Tony mumbled low, but not low enough to not startle Winter who for a moment looked almost panicked. Steve could understand that. By now, he knew Tony didn’t mean it like that. Although it still sent a chill down his spine.

“I’ll get the broom.” 

“Oh, no,  _ dad _ you won’t.” Natasha crossed her arms in front of her chest. “They will never learn it if you always clean up behind them.”

“And you think they will clean up themselves?”

“I’ll make sure of it.” The smile that widened her lips was dangerous and a little frightening. Whenever she was in that mood, it was better for everyone involved if you just stepped back and let her handle the situation. (And Steve would clean the rest up anyway.)

“What are you doing?”

Steve jerked around at Tony’s tone of voice, his hand reaching out to a Shield that was on his floor. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Nat reach for a gun. 

Tony used that sharp kind of tone only in the field, with board members, asshole-reporters or if someone seriously pissed him off. 

Winter stood before him, blocking his way into the kitchen, his shoulders slightly hunched, but eyes defensive.

Tony, one hand clinging to a coffee cup that looked slightly powdered with flour, had obviously been on his way to the coffee maker. He stood there, his shoulders squared and ready to fight the Winter Soldier here and now.

Before Steve could move forward, either to throw himself between Tony and Winter, or drag one of them back, Jarvis interrupted.

“Sir, if I may?”

“What?” Tony growled; his eyes focussed on Winter.

“I think Mr. Winter is concerned about your coffee consumption.”

“And why would you be concerned?” He asked the assassin almost threateningly. 

Winter raised one of his eyebrows, tilting his head slightly in a way that could almost be mocking.

“What the-”

“I may have commented that you had already thrice the recommended amount of caffeine today, Sir.”

“You might?” Tony growled his eyes flashing towards one of Jarvis' cameras, before glaring back at Winter. 

“New rule which I recommend you live by, Buttercup, you don’t get between me and coffee, or we’re going to have a problem.”

As an answer, Winter crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Tony exhaled deeply and Steve scrambled for anything to say that would calm Tony while also not discouraging Winter from his attempts. If all of them wanted to have a chance to lessen Tony’s caffeine intake – and he wanted to do that – they needed to work together. 

“Listen to him. You do not want that fight.”

Steve turned, looking at Natasha. She had already relaxed her muscles again, her expression calm and almost resigned.

Winter let his eyes wander to her. Steve wasn’t sure what he found in them, but it changed his expression to frustration before he looked back to Tony, tilting his head further and uncrossing his arms, almost appearing to be lost.

“Oh, no, don’t play all innocent.” Tony huffed, irritation still loud in his voice. “You know damn well about that rule. Hell, even  _ I _ have understood that one by now!”

“Might I suggest an addition to the rule book, Sir?”

“Sure.” Tony stepped a little closer to Winter, not caring in the least that he was a fragile human, that he was hurt or that the other man was enhanced. 

“You DO NOT get between Tony and his coffee!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! And for all your comments!
> 
> I hope you're all holding on!


	3. Winter: No means we do not do the thing the other person has said no to

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter meets Dum-E. 
> 
> Also, Tony has a look at his arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> I hope January is treating you good so far. Because of work and uni related annoyances I don't have as much time as I would want to write. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Winter had learned a lot about Tony Stark in the two weeks since he had kidnapped him. He was a genius. He was someone who was fiercely protected by those who counted him as their own (like Winter). He had no self-preservation instinct whatsoever. He could surprise even people who knew him for far longer than Winter. 

“I can’t take it anymore, Buttercup, let me get my hands on your arm!” 

Everyone else currently in the kitchen of the common floor froze in their movement. They were sitting around the kitchen island having breakfast. Winter had had his breakfast upstairs on Tony’s floor when Dr. Banner had changed the bandages just half an hour ago and now he was sitting right beside Tony. (Tony had made him sit beside him, telling him he was getting paranoid feeling eyes on his back the whole time. Winter wasn’t exactly sure why that was a bad thing. He should be more focussed on his surroundings but he had sat down beside the genius nonetheless.)

Both the Black Widow and Hawkeye had frozen in their movements, eyes snapping up to Winter as if to make sure he didn’t lunge at Tony. Thor and Dr. Banner both looked concerned. Captain America glared at the genius, as if he could take his words back.

“Tony-” He started, his voice careful and pleading, but Tony didn’t seem to care.

“No, seriously, I can  _ hear _ his arm begging for me to take a look. Can’t you hear it?  _ Tony, help me. _ ” He said with a quiet high voice. “There it was again!” Tony pointed at Winter’s metal arm accusingly. “It needs me!”

“Tony.” The Black Widow said quietly, almost threateningly and it was enough for Winter to glare at her. No one threatened Tony.

The genius ignored the assassin, turning just enough to look directly into Winter’s eyes. His were honest and nonthreatening even if they held an emotion Winter couldn’t place. 

The last time someone had worked on his arm, Winter had killed them. It had been his assignment. Get maintenance and then kill off the mechanics. It had been before he had started to want things but even back then it had seemed right to kill someone who had inflicted that much pain on him.

Tony wouldn’t inflict that pain if he didn’t have to. He trusted Tony. Maintenance always hurt but he would never hurt Tony. Not even during maintenance, Winter was sure of that. 

Also, Tony was a genius. If he said the arm needed maintenance, he believed him. Even if he was almost sure Tony couldn’t hear the arm asking for help. (Although there was a chance he could. Winter wasn’t sure but then again it didn’t matter. He trusted Tony. And it was how Tony talked. Winter was almost familiar with it by now.)

“I don’t think-” The Captain tried again, but Winter’s nod made him stop mid-sentence.

“Yes!” Tony smiled blindingly up at Winter. 

It was almost enough to settle his nerves and the adrenaline coursing through his blood. Tony was happy that he could work on his arm. Winter had made him happy by agreeing. The weirdest thing was, Winter  _ knew _ that Tony wouldn’t have forced him to get maintenance if he had said no. It was something he had put on the rules list:  _ No means we do not do the thing the other person has said no to. Exceptions are in life-or-death-situations or if the no was sarcastic (ask for clarification if it is unclear). You can say no to everything you don’t want. _

Winter still had trouble understanding that this also applied to him. But Tony had been adamant about it. And he had never done anything when Winter had said no, shook his head or knocked three times. 

Even the other Avengers hadn’t done anything. They didn’t trust him, kept him in their field of vision and made sure Tony was safe, but they hadn’t tried to harm him. Hadn’t hurt him. Hadn’t ignored a no or a warning.

Before anyone could stop him, Tony stood up, grabbing lightly at Winter’s wrist, only partly for balance. “Let’s go. I-”

“Tony, you’re supposed to rest!” Captain Rogers said, his voice a mixture of exasperation and a plea. 

“I’m not going to build a new one, Steve. I just want to-”

“You always say that and then-”

“Scans and planning. Jarvis will help you with that, right Jarvis?” Dr. Banner asked, mildly, his eyes on Winter as if to warn him to not let Tony do anything more.

“Of course, Dr. Banner.”

“Traitors! All of you!” Tony huffed, but stopped again when the Black Widow, Thor and Captain Rogers stood up as well.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“To-”

“Nope, this is a show without a peanut gallery.”

“Tony he could-”

“He is not going to hurt me!” Tony hissed, stepping closer to Winter as if he wanted to protect the assassin. Which was ridiculous. Even if Tony wasn’t still injured and weak, Winter would still be the better bodyguard. 

“He might not want to.” The god said, almost apologetic. 

“He isn’t going to.” Tony said, this time his voice was cold and hard. 

Winter wouldn’t. He knew how to take pain and not react. He might not remember how his body had been trained for it, but he had done it before.

“Tony, please.” Captain Rogers sounded like he was close to tears. His blue eyes flickered to Winter before settling back on the genius. “Just as a precaution.”

“You don’t need-”

“Please.” The Captain said again. “We’ll wait outside, just-”

“I’m just going to scan his arm. Nothing is going to happen. You don’t need-”

“It would calm us greatly, if you would allow us to come downstairs.”

Winter needed a moment to realise Thor had spoken to him. The blue eyes of the god were calm. He wasn’t sure if they would stay here if he refused but then he understood their need to be close to Tony. Not only because he needed to stay close to the genius but also because he had watched them closely and even though he didn’t like it, he trusted them to protect Tony with their lives. 

They just wanted to come with them to make sure Tony was safe. 

“Thor, you-”

Winter nodded and Tony shut up immediately. If Winter would have needed proof that Tony wouldn’t hurt him or would stop if Winter asked him to, he had it right here. Tony was clearly agitated but he didn’t argue anymore. 

“You’re waiting outside. We don’t need more people making him uncomfortable.” He muttered, although there was a hint of real worry whenever he glanced at the Captain, who looked calmer now that he could keep close to Tony.

They stood close in the elevator. This wasn’t something new. They always stood or sat close. Most often they were touching. Closeness and touching was something that was normal with the Avengers, Winter had learned. Not necessarily between all of them, but everyone touched Tony, everyone wanted to stay close to him.

Still, with the Captain it was different. Like it was different with Colonel Rhodes and Peter. Although it was always a different  _ different _ . 

Glancing at the Captain again he met those blue eyes that sometimes looked suspicious and almost angry and sometimes like he was hurting worse than Tony. 

Winter didn’t like it.

“Jay, wake up Dum-E, he can entertain our stalkers.”

“We’re not-” The Captain started but was interrupted by Jarvis' voice.

Tony had explained Jarvis to Winter. It was a good thing he trusted Tony, or he would have never believed him. And it was a good thing that Hydra hadn’t gotten his hands on the genius. Winter might still have trouble with some devices, but he  _ knew _ how Hydra would have used him. What they would have done to Tony.

The fact that the computer was still angry with Winter because he had taken Tony was something he still tried to understand. How could a machine have emotions? When Tony had told him, Winter had asked if Jarvis was like him. Someone who had been human and was then changed. Tony had been horrified. He had shown Winter, against the protest of everyone else, the server room, explaining how he and Colonel Rhodes had made Jarvis. 

It still seemed outlandish that he was a computer program but if anyone could do it, it was Tony.

“Might I suggest that you warn Mr. Winter, Sir. I wouldn’t think you would want him to shoot Dum-E.” The voice wasn’t hard but Winter heard the clear warning in those polite words.

“Shit, you’ve never met him.” Tony turned towards him, a smile on his lips that reminded Winter of the expression Tony had when he looked at Peter.

“Okay, Dum-E is a robot I build before I made Jarvis and he is, well, stupid.”

“Tony!” The Captain chastised the genius, a warm expression in his eyes. “He is a very good helper bot.”

“You mean a complete mess.”

“He is special.”

“He is special, alright. Okay, Buttercup, meet my  _ special child _ then.” 

Before Winter knew what that could mean, he heard some noises and a metal contraption with a swinging metal arm and a claw attached to the end whirred around a corner of a working table and drove as fast as it could towards Tony.

Two pairs of big hands were on him stopping him before he could even move. The only reason he didn’t immediately start breaking bones was the delight he saw on Tony’s expression when he bent down, opening his arms and let himself be pushed to the hard floor by the  _ thing  _ that kept making machine noises that sounded almost worried.

“Hey Buddy.” Tony’s voice was warm. He petted the cold steel as if the robot could actually feel it, letting it pet him back, only flinching slightly when it bumped against his injured shoulder.

“Careful, Dum-E.” The Captain said, letting go of Winter and stepping closer to them. 

The robot made a movement as if to get closer to the Captain before it realized there were more people. It made another sound that sounded distinctly different and then drove closer to Winter, his claw outstretched to his arm.

“Wait! Dummy, stop!” Tony called, trying to get up from the floor but needing the Captain’s help (and Winter knew all of them had seen the flashes of discomfort).

Before the robot could reach him, Thor stepped between him and it, letting the metal arm touch him.

“Hello Dum-E, it is a great pleasure to see you again. You must have missed your father.” The god’s voice was warm when he spoke to the machine, bending down and petting it’s arm. He chuckled after some noises from it and beamed at Tony.

“He thinks you should be down here more often. He will take care of you if we can’t.” Turning back to the robot he addressed it calmly. “You are right, Dum-E. You take great care of your father.”

If Winter hadn’t known it was a machine he would have said it was happy. Then again, Tony had made a computer program that hated him. 

“Come on, Dum-E, I’ll introduce you to Winter and then you can entertain Steve and Thor with your tennis ball, okay?” Tony put a hand on the metal arm and steered the machine closer while smiling calmingly at Winter. 

“Dum-E lacks most fine motor skills, so he might bump you, but he is just excited.”

Winter didn’t need to look around to know that the other Avengers were keeping close watch. It seemed that they accepted the robot like they accepted the AI. As things that Tony counted as his. He would do that, too. 

Carefully, he bent down, reaching out with his metal hand. It must have been the right decision as the robot surged forward and clanked its claw against his hand whirring happily.

Winter didn’t move, worried he might do something the machine wouldn’t like. 

Three weeks ago, he had been as much a tool as the robot was. But it was made by Tony who clearly loved and cared for it. Maybe that was why Tony had wanted to help Winter. He took care of his creations. He gave literal machines souls. Of course, he would look at the Asset and see something that had a soul and feelings. (He had overheard Hawkeye talk about it after he had learned about Jarvis, that Tony had managed to give him more soul and personality then most actual people had).

And he had been right. Because Winter was human. He might not remember it, but he knew it. Not only because Tony had told him, but because he  _ knew _ it. 

Tony had shown him what being a human could look like and even if he thought that most people wouldn’t have taken an assassin in or given their machines souls, it was the reason why Winter knew Tony would help him find his soul again. Why Winter wanted to be his.

The robot bumped his arm a little harder, whirring happily.

“Okay, great. Get your ball, Dum-E. You’re going to play with Uncle Steve outside. Come on. Chop, chop.” Tony motioned for the robot to move who made some noises and then turned around and drove back to where he came from.

Moving towards one of his workbenches he ordered Jarvis to start some things, not looking at any of them. Not protecting his back.

Winter accepted that Captain Rogers wouldn’t hurt Tony. He was fairly sure neither would any of the Avengers. They wouldn't. Still, he eyed the other people standing around. 

The Black Widow had her phone out and was working on it while standing at perfect ease. Winter, of course, saw the glances around and knew she was ready for anything. 

Thor was accepting the yellow, well used looking tennis ball the robot handed him, smiling at the machine.

The Captain was looking at Tony, letting his eyes wander over his body as if to make sure that he wasn’t hurt. That he was there.

“Winter, I-” Tony turned and stopped mid sentence. “What are you still doing here? Get out, come one! We’re scanning his arm for fucks sake it’s not like anything exciting is going to happen. And seriously Nat, don’t you think you have better things to do? I understand why Point Break and-”

“Actually, no. Nothing better to do.” The Black Widow said, calmly declining a phone call.

“We’re fine.”

“Yes, we are.” Her green eyes met Winter’s. It was a promise rather than a threat. “Outside, boys.” She turned, not waiting for the two men to refuse her. 

As soon as the doors closed behind the three Avengers and the excited robot, Winter relaxed a little.

“Keep them out, Jay. Seriously, we’re going to make scans! What do they think will happen?”

“A panic attack, you deciding to start to build the arm even if you aren’t clear for that yet, you deciding to open the arm without-”

“That was a rhetoric question Jarvis.”

“My bad, Sir.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Tony drawled.

It was interesting to watch Tony in his workshop. The ease with which he danced around, directing his AI. His movements were smooth, not like a fighter but precise, showing the experience he had doing this. Even while injured. That made something in Winter tighten. 

It was also interesting because Tony did so many different things all at once that no one aside from the AI would be able to follow him. Had he built Jarvis because of that? Had he been lonely?

“Okay, we’re all set up, Buttercup.” Tony turned, smiling warmly at Winter.

Directing him to the spot where he wanted Winter to stand and to hold out his metallic arm, he reached for his other wrist and squeezed lightly.

“Jarvis is going to scan the arm and your shoulder. It will take a few minutes but it’s not going to hurt, okay? If you wanna stop for whatever reason just let your arm down or step back. Or, like, say no, okay?” He took a step back glancing around. “You could also move a little to your right then you could knock on the table, or-”

“It’s okay.”

That had Tony smile again. Winter didn’t understand it, but Tony really liked it when Winter talked. That didn’t make much sense, but it still made Winter feel good and calm some of the uncomfortable fuzzy feelings in his gut.

“Good. Let’s start then. Jay, do your magic.”

“As you wish, Sir.”

Winter tried to relax. Holding his arm like that was not a problem. He could hold this position as long as Tony needed him to. And he knew Tony would never hurt him. Still, his muscles were tense. Even if he told his mind that this was Tony and it was different, his stomach kept feeling weird. As if something was moving in it.

Focussing on it wouldn’t help, so he tried to concentrate on Tony, moving from holo-screen to holo-screen, manipulating the schematics with his hands and telling the AI to do things Winter didn’t even try to understand.

It had been exactly four minutes and forty-six seconds when Tony tensed.

“What the-” he muttered before going pale. His whole demeanour changed to one of hatred in an instance.

Before Winter could react, Tony had grabbed the keyboard from the workbench he had been standing in front of and threw it at the nearest glass wall violently, breaking it on impact.

Panicked, Winter wanted to step back but couldn’t make his body move. He didn’t want to make Tony angrier. Or direct that hatred towards him. 

The doors to the workshop opened when Tony started screaming curses at the holo-screen, the three Avengers storming in, postures ready to throw themselves between Tony and his enemy. 

But there was no one there.

This was a lot different than yesterday when Tony had come down here to throw things at the wall. Then he had been angry and frustrated and hurt.

Now he was furious and full of hatred.

“Tony?” The Captain asked after making sure no one was hurting the genius.

Tony didn’t react, taking a wrench from the workbench and throwing that as well.

“Tony?” The Captain tried again, moving carefully closer to Tony, making sure to get into his peripheral vision as soon as possible and showing his, as if to calm the furious man.

“Friend Winter, you can lower your arm.”

Winter’s eyes snapped towards the god who had moved in front of him, shielding him from Tony?

He tried but couldn’t lower his arm.

Gingerly, Thor reached out, taking his metal hand in his and lowering it to his body. “I’m not certain what has Tony so upset but-”

“They are still torturing him!” Tony’s voice was barely recognizable. As was his expression. Right now, Winter looked at the Merchant of Death. He looked at the person Hydra had feared even more than Captain America. 

“His fucking  _ arm _ is a torture device and-”

Before Tony could say more, the Black Widow stepped close to him.

Winter wanted to react. This was dangerous, but he couldn’t make his body move.

“Calm down.”

“I fucking-”

“Look at him.”

Tony’s eyes met Winter’s and it froze his breath in his lungs. This man wouldn’t stop. He would do what Hydra had always claimed: destroy the world and rebuild it to his liking. He wouldn’t stop for anything and-

His eyes changed and from one heartbeat to the next, his Tony stood there, shoulders slumping down, his eyes going warm and sad and understanding even if there was still fury burning in them.

He exhaled harshly, taking a step forward and stumbled. Both the Captain and the Black Widow steadied him.

“I’m sorry, Winter, I- I’m sorry. You’re okay. You’re- Hydra did…” Tony exhaled again, leaning closer to the Captain, letting him take almost all of his weight.

“I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry.”

Winter tried to nod, but barely managed.

“You did nothing wrong, Buttercup.”

At his nickname Winter relaxed some. He wanted to ask what had happened. He wanted to hide and think about what had happened. He wanted to be close to Tony and-

“I will make you a new arm, okay? That one won’t hurt you and… I should have done something sooner and I didn’t and I’m sorry, Winter.” Tony sounded distressed and in pain.

Before Winter knew what he was doing, he had taken a step closer to Tony.

Tony, ignoring how the other Avengers tensed, let go of the Captain, ignored how he tried to hold him back and walked over to Winter, carefully holding out his arms to show what he wanted to do.

Winter didn’t know what he should do. 

Tony hesitated for a second, searching his eyes, before he took the last step, closing his arms around Winter and hugged him close. 

“It’s going to be okay, Buttercup, I promise.”

Winter put his arms around Tony, mindful of his fragile body and hugged him close. He nodded.

Tony would keep him safe.

And he would keep Tony safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend Justanotherpuff was so kind to beta read this chapter!
> 
> As always: Thanks for reading and I freaking love your comments! Feel free to put ideas or suggestions in them if you like. 
> 
> See you all next time!


	4. Tony: You do not make Peter cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is staying over at the Tower and Tony is damn glad about it - until he and Winter catch him coughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone,
> 
> this week I took every chance I got to write a little, so here you go!
> 
> A big thank you to my lovely friend and beta reader Justanotherpuff!

After the clusterfuck that the last couple of weeks were – or his life, really – the last few days had been blissfully calm. And that was mostly because of Peter.

Peter, being the incorrigible sunshine that he was, had not only adopted Winter and started to teach him internet culture (something Tony knew would come back to bite him in the ass, but hadn’t been able to stop, because Peter had been so excited, and Winter had looked so very curious. In short: Tony was a fucking Sucker™). 

He accepted Winter for what he was, trying to help him acclimate to everything. Not that he always chose sensible approaches, of course. But when he realized that Winter needed exercise (something Tony had forgotten, some genius he was, and Winter hadn’t mentioned, because fucking overprotective martyr), he had challenged Winter to a race.

It had ended with Tony being forced to sit for  _ hours  _ in the gym, while they first raced each other and then broke half of the equipment with the enthusiastic help of Thor and Steve. (He would have billed all of them for the destruction if he wouldn’t be the one who had to pay for it anyway.)

At least he had been able to use that time by working more on Winter’s arm (it took far too long because he had Helen check his theories. As much as Tony was a genius, and he was, he was not that good with the wet-science and getting that new arm connected to Winter’s body would be wet-science. And Helen would have to perform it. Something Tony had yet to discuss with Winter… along with giving him a new identity and some other small matters. Like the fact that he was the killer of Tony’s- that Hydra had used him to kill Tony’s parents).

He was also being harassed by Pepper and Rhodey. Both – and yes, Tony  _ knew _ he should be thankful that they helped him, but damn, it was boring and horrible. It was fucking borrible! – forcing him to hash out what would be the next big thing after Aliens destroying New York. And wasn’t that a disastrous thing to look forward to?

Tony, of course, knew that they needed to get ahead of the stories and right now they were barely keeping up. So, they needed to go big and loud and  _ sympathetic _ . Which would mean he would have to talk about  _ feelings  _ and what happened, and Tony didn’t want to talk about feelings  _ or _ what had happened. He could, of course. Few people were able to see behind his masks. It didn’t change at all that he just did not want to. 

His  _ friends _ had basically told him to suck it up or let Steve handle it. Which- no. Steve wouldn’t be able to handle it on a good day and that wouldn’t be a fucking good day. Hell, he wasn’t even sure Steve would be able to lie like that.

Which was one of the fights they still had. They needed to stay as close to the truth as they could without actually telling the truth or let anyone realize that it wasn’t the whole truth if they wanted for Winter to have any chance at all. Tony would not subject him to a court hearing. Winter wouldn’t be able to handle it. He shouldn’t have to. 

Natasha had said everyone believed that “Winter Soldier” was a name for the assassins of Hydra. No one had to know it had only ever been one man. Right now, they were going for the story that he had been taken from a secret mission and subjected to months of torture and mind-fuckery. It had been done with lots of different techniques and drugs and it had destroyed the mind of the man who had been captured before. 

(Even if he didn’t admit to it, Tony was already working with Jarvis on erasing as many pictures of Bucky Barnes as they could find – or alter them. As luck would have it, not too many pictures were out there, most of them of terrible quality and almost none focussing on Bucky as he was ‘just a fellow soldier to the legendary Captain America’. There were some historians who knew that that wasn’t actually true, but it wasn’t common knowledge as the propaganda machine back then had focussed solely on Captain America and barely mentioned the different people that were part of the Howling Commandos.)

That would hopefully be enough. They had a backstory ready with all the documentation they needed, birth certificate, pictures in yearbooks, a driver’s license, records in the army and so on and so forth. If they wanted to involve SHIELD – Tony didn’t – they could get a fake family if they wanted and neighbours who would sing his praise. 

Tony was leaning more to the less complicated way of making James Baker a workaholic who had lost his parents early in life, didn't have any siblings and went into the army straight out of community college. 

Looking up from his phone – and the last, even less happy email Pepper had just sent him – he observed Peter trying to teach Winter how to make lasagne, without having the faintest clue himself. Apparently, Thor had explained to Winter that, if someone was injured or upset, you made them food (Tony really regretted telling him that) and now the two of them were determined to make him lasagne. After the recipe of his mother. 

Tony did not think about that. 

He also didn’t think about the fact that he actually knew how to make that lasagne and had been pushed to the couch to  _ rest _ . If it hadn’t been Peter with his big pleading eyes, he might have killed the person insisting he needed to rest. He was fucking fantastic! He had been resting for almost three weeks (if you squinted) and Tony  _ had it _ with resting. 

But as the Sucker™ that he was, he just could not hurt Peter. Or hurt him more at least. Watching him the last couple of days closely, it was painfully obvious that Peter was all but spiralling. He was hiding it quite well, if Tony had to say so, but they all saw it. 

The way Peter’s eyes would linger on Tony’s injuries. How he would hesitate before letting go of Tony. How he needed convincing to do anything that would have him in another room than Tony.

And May had told Tony about the nightmares. Apparently, Peter had been checking in with Jarvis constantly, especially at night whenever he woke up. As the Avengers still insisted on the ridiculous (even if comfortable and… _nice_ ) pillow pile in the common living room, Peter had had two nightmares in four nights.

This was all Tony’s fault. And he didn’t know how to help Peter.

Leaning back into the couch cushions and ignoring the next mail from Pepper – he would pay for that, most likely with blood and shoes – he closed his eyes. Not because he was tired. He wasn’t! Or because he felt shitty since the day before, because he didn’t. His injuries were healing well, he was down on the pain drugs and didn’t even need the freaking antibiotics anymore. So, he was fine, he was feeling fine and the annoying scratching in his throat was just in his imagination.

The elevator door opened and both Peter and Winter abandoned their ‘cooking’ to jump in the way between Tony and the dangerous intruder. Who happened to be Steve, clutching some bread rolls to his chest and looking almost startled. Which was ridiculous. He was as annoyingly overprotective as either one of them.

Both relaxed when they saw Steve, something Tony was damn glad about. Peter had forgiven Steve the first night he had stayed over, telling Steve that he could understand that it had been a bad situation. After that he had forced Steve to swear that he would never hide anything like that or something Peter had a right to know ever again from him. 

The kid didn’t know it, but in that moment, he could have demanded Steve’s first born and he would have said yes, no questions asked. (It was probably better that he didn’t know that.)

Winter, even though still careful and on edge, had calmed down. Actually, Tony was almost sure that he trusted the Avengers enough to know they wouldn’t hurt or kill Tony. Even Nat. It didn’t mean he trusted them with himself or that they wouldn’t start trying to keep him away from Tony, but at least he had stopped to force weapons on Tony whenever he had to leave the room.

After putting the bread rolls on the kitchen island Steve walked over to Tony’s couch and sat down beside him. His eyes wandered over Tony, inspecting him as if he thought Tony might have gotten hurt since he had left the Tower this morning. 

“How is SHIELD?” Tony asked, glad to have a reason to ignore the third angry email from Pepper. (Or the fact that bring_the_world_down_with_sparks was still inactive. Because Tony  _ refused _ to accept that Jarvis and he wouldn’t have found her by now if she was active. And there had been nothing new since she had sent the video of Tony’s ‘execution’ to the Avengers.)

“Better.”

Tony’s lips spread into a smile. “Okay, and now try to sound convincing.”

Steve sighed, even if, just for a moment, a smile tugged at his lips. “It is better. They think they have found all spies by now-”

“Jarvis will be the judge of that.”

“-and Fury wants to rebuild on the most trustworthy agents that he has.”

“Didn’t he say just last month he trusted the Strike Teams?”

“The government, military and police force are still scrambling worse than Shield, but they at least have a structure again.”

“Yeah, because  _ that _ means that they eradicated Hydra.”

Steve sighed again, eyeing Tony closely. “What do you want me to say, Tony? It’s the best they can do right now.”

“Is it, though? The system was corrupt and broken! Sure, that could be because Hydra influenced it that way, but not every homophobe, racist or sexist was Hydra.”

Steve sighed again, slumping in the cushions behind him. He closed his brilliant blue eyes and just for a moment he looked like all the years had caught up with him.

Tony leaned closer and took Steve’s hand in his. He didn’t even think about it anymore. In the last weeks they had grown even closer and touch was something that was just part of their interaction. And it was going to kill Tony.

Steve was just touch-affine. It didn’t mean what Tony so desperately wanted it to mean. And it gutted him just a little bit every time it happened that it didn’t.

Tony loved Steve. It wasn’t a new realization. Tony had known for a while. And his stupid heart, that  _ always  _ screwed him over had not only fallen in love with someone that would never like him like that, but also with one of the best human beings he ever met. 

Who was also a teammate, a roommate and his boss in the field. 

If this was still payback, for all the sins he had committed in the first part of his life, Tony could understand it. He was also rather impressed, because Karma really was a bitch. 

“Steve, I-”

“No, you are right.” Steve exhaled harshly, his hand spasming around Tony’s. “But I don’t know what I can do.”

“I’m not sure there is much that you can do.” Tony met his eyes, trying to look empathetic, apologetic and not like a fucking lovesick fool. (There was like a 5% chance he succeeded, but because Steve was just too freaking  _ nice _ , he wouldn’t say anything.)

Steve held the gaze for a moment longer, his eyes darting down a little before he looked away, as if he was annoyed. As luck would have it, Peter and Winter started to stack the layers of the lasagne just in that moment – and Tony couldn’t fault Steve for taking it as an out of this conversation.

“Is that… correct?” He barely breathed the question.

“God no, I’m not even sure it will be edible.” Tony answered as quietly, hoping it would be quiet enough so that the two wannabe cooks wouldn’t hear him. “My poor mamma would weep if-” Tony almost choked on the emotions that suddenly overwhelmed him. If she wasn’t dead? If she knew that Tony let her  _ murderer _ make her lasagne? If she saw Tony now? If she had known what a fuckup he was?

“Tony?”

He blinked, Steve’s eyes a blue anchor to which he clung.

Winter hadn’t killed Maria Stark. It had been Hydra. Hydra who had used a weapon. And the weapon wasn’t to blame for doing what it had been designed to do. The one wielding the weapon was to blame. The designer was to blame. Not the weapon.

“Are you in pain? What-”

“I’m fine.” Forcing his features to comply, Tony smiled at Steve, focussing on the worry the other man showed for him. Two years ago, he would have never believed that he could have more people than Pepper, Rhodey and Happy in his life. Liking him. Now, he had a whole Tower full.

He had Bruce, who he could talk science with and be actually challenged. Who would explode into a green rage monster that actually liked Tony too and would protect him.

He had Thor who was insightful and interesting and friendly like a damn Labrador. Who was always eager to praise him and his mechanical children.

He had Clint who he could sass with and be (very infrequently) hard pressed to keep up with. Who was as incompetent in expressing emotions as Tony and still they understood each other, using insults and nicknames to express their  _ feelings _ .

He had Natasha, who despite everything, trusted him. Who had taken the time to see more than her first assessment and who trusted him with parts of herself that she didn’t tell anyone else.

He had Steve. As a friend. Who protected Tony and challenged him. Who was so good he took Tony as he was and (mostly) didn’t complain about it.

They were a family. He had more than he had ever hoped for. How could he not be fine?

He looked at Peter, who he loved like a son and Winter, who was also his despite everything. Of course, he was fine. 

“Just a scratchy throat.” He pushed himself off the couch and dared to go into the kitchen. It might have been choosing between pest and cholera but in this case, he would choose whatever got him away from explaining what was going on in his brain. Also known as the terror-dome. 

“Mr. Stark!” Peter darted around the kitchen island, smiling brightly. “Do you wanna try the sauce?”

Tony really didn’t want to.

“Sure, Spiderkid.” He let the teen push a spoon towards him and, carefully, tasted what those heathens declared to be his mo- …tomato sauce.

It was even worse than he had feared. As Jarvis hadn’t stopped him eating it, he was fairly certain it wasn’t dangerous (although there was the slight possibility that Jarvis would risk him to not hurt Peter’s feelings – which was fair). The taste alone did not support the theory that whatever they had concocted was actually safe for human consumption.

“I’ve never eaten anything like it.” 

Thank fuck for his poker face. 

While Peter ran back to help Winter, Tony turned towards Steve and threw him a  _ look _ . It was going to be a team dinner and if  _ anyone  _ would hurt Peter’s feelings, he was going to start killing fools. If the lasagne didn’t finish them off before Tony could.

Steve, still looking rather concerned – although to be fair, now it could also be because he feared Tony would die from food poisoning – nodded once, getting his phone out and started typing.

An hour later, the Avengers sat down for their family meal, all of them sporting fairly concerned expressions every time Winter and Peter turned around. Tony had tried, subtly, to make the whole thing not as bad but, to be honest, the only thing that would have saved it would have been to burn it.

The second-best thing was Clint, who stumbled in the right moment, tripping Peter up bad enough to let the whole thing crash to the floor, destroying the glass baking dish and the lasagne. 

The fact that Winter didn’t kill their archer was partly because he was still holding Peter up, protecting the kid from stepping into shards and because Bruce offered to teach both of them to bake the next day. Peter, being a big fan of The Dr. Bruce Banner – and no, Tony wasn’t jealous, shut up – accepted immediately. Winter had no other choice as to nod, apparently. 

It didn’t stop him from glowering dangerously at Clint until Tony promised to get new ingredients and teach them some secrets about the recipe that no one had bothered to put down (or stuff common sense dictated, something Tony would take to his grave, though. Common sense was, according to Pepper, something he lacked most days anyway).

They had lasagne delivered from Tony’s favourite Italian place, guessing which spices they had put into it (an Italian mix, of course. Who the fuck would put curry and clove into a tomato sauce for lasagne?)

Afterwards they watched a movie and Peter fell asleep on Tony just before Tony fell asleep on Steve – which was totally Steve’s fault anyway. Who could stay awake when someone rubs one's back? This was seriously going to kill Tony. And he was okay with it.

The next morning started with a food fight between Clint and Thor – don’t ask – which was a blessing in disguise. Annoyingly, his body had decided to betray Tony once again. His throat was on fire, his body was heavy and aching and he had to bite back coughs basically the whole time.

After breakfast – or torture-time – Steve, Nat, Clint and Thor left for SHIELD, obviously against all their express wishes, while Bruce roped Peter and Winter into baking with him. It was adorable to watch Bruce trying to teach the overexcited puppy and the murder puppy, who clearly was wary of Bruce so close to him, but not because of the Hulk, but  _ Bruce _ , how to produce food without killing the recipients. 

Tony told the others he was going upstairs to do some paperwork, ignoring the three accusatory stares that followed him.

“Sir, your temperature indicates-”

“Nothing, Jay.”

“It pains me to do so, Sir, but I have to correct you.”

“I’m sure it does, Jay.” Tony huffed, which made him cough. Badly. “I’m fine.” He wheezed, as soon as he could drag in enough air to say anything.

“That is excellent, Sir. I will make sure this will be put on your tombstone. ‘He said he was fine. That was incorrect.’”

“Very funny.” Tony coughed again, bracing one arm against the elevator wall.

“I do not think so.” Came Jarvis' haughty voice. “It is normal for a body to get infected after-”

“I’m fine.” Tony gritted out.

“Might I remind you of the  _ Never-again-protocol _ , Sir?”

“This is not a situation for that protocol, Jarvis, and you know it!”

“Your temperature is at 100 degrees right now, Sir. It rose steadily since 3:41am. I am to inform both Colonel Rhodes and Captain Rogers as soon as it reaches 102 or if other symptoms, just as your coughing, will-”

Tony ignored Jarvis. He had agreed to that protocol under protest after a teeny tiny little fever induced black out during some event or other. It wasn’t like this was going to happen here. Besides, he was fine. Mostly.

Stepping into his shower, Tony turned the water cold enough to make him shiver. The fact that Jarvis didn’t say anything but warmed the water without command and ignored all of Tony’s attempts to cool it again said enough. 

Jarvis was bitchy again. Which could possibly be something akin to understandable. Tony knew that. It didn’t change that he wouldn’t admit that he did feel anything but stellar after  _ finally _ being allowed to do anything on his own again. One day more of being followed into the bathroom and he would have gotten a restraining order for all of his family members – and that would have included Jarvis – to fucking stay away.

“What’s my temperature?” He asked, ignoring the rapines of his voice.

Jarvis took almost a full minute to answer. “99, Sir.”

“That’s not too bad.”

“If you say so.”

Tony sighed, making himself cough again. Fuck, that started to really hurt.

“Mr. Parker asked me to inform you that the muffins are almost finished, Sir.”

Tony nodded. Bracing his shoulders – ignoring the way the coughing was agitating his still healing ribs, or how this movement jostled his shoulder – and walked back into the elevator.

“Heat up the common floor, Jay.”

Jarvis' not-answer was more scathing than anything he could have said. If it wouldn’t annoy Tony as much as it did right now, he would have been damn proud of his AI. 

“Mr. Stark!” Peter was by his side, grabbing him carefully and pulling him towards the kitchen. Tony used it to lay his uninjured arm around the kid and – hopefully inconspicuously – regain his balance.

“We made three different kinds of Muffins! Dr. Banner showed us how and Winter is really good!” Peter, half hugging him back, didn’t seem to think anything of Tony staying close, probably not even realizing he held up some of Tony’s weight.

“There are blueberry-vanilla, double-chocolate-chip and cherry-chocolate-chip Muffins!”

Tony grinned down at the excited teen, not able to hide how much he loved his kid.

“Do you want to try a blueberry-vanilla one first?” The kid smiled up at him with hope and happiness and Tony would have even eaten whatever Peter had offered him in that moment. No matter if it was an insult to his ancestors or could possibly kill him.

“Sounds great, Petey.”

He looked up when a metallic hand held out a muffin to him. Winter seemed to be almost bashful, looking at the pastry rather than Tony.

“Thanks, Buttercup.” Taking a bite, Tony didn’t even have to act – which he had been prepared to do even if Bruce was a good cook – and sighed happily. The muffin was amazing. 

Sighing, sadly, had the side effect of making him cough right now, though. Biting back as much of it as he could, Tony smiled up, innocently, at the three men staring suspiciously at him. 

“This is great, guys. Hide them from Natasha or none of us will-” He hadn’t even been able to finish his sentence before Bruce pressed the back of his hand to Tony’s forehead.

Frowning unhappily, Bruce ignored both Peter, looking anxious, and Winter looking unsure if he wanted to step between Bruce and Tony – yes please! – or if he wanted to also start manhandling Tony.

“Jarvis, what is Tony’s-” 

“Don’t-” 

“101 degrees, Dr. Banner.” 

Tony didn’t even bother to curse at his AI. There were more important things. Like Bruce glaring at him. Like Winter picking up on the cues from Bruce and Peter and also glaring at him. 

Like Peter looking horrified.

“I’m fine, I-”

“You’re sick!” Peter sounded almost panicked.

“Petey-”

“Take him to the couch, Peter.”

Before Tony could say anything, Peter had him in his arms bridal style and walked him over to the couch.

“I’m fine!”

Winter growled. 

How the hell was this Tony’s life?

“Jarvis, have you told Rhodey and Steve-”

“Not yet, Dr. Banner, as the parameters weren’t met yet.”

Bruce nodded, looking back at Tony, who was currently being bundled in blankets as if he was a damn toddler. “I’m getting my bag. You two keep watch.”

Tony groaned. Which also resulted in a coughing fit. That would have been bad enough, as it fucking hurt, but was a lot worse because Peter looked almost on the verge of panic and Winter was probably only a second away from strangling him.

When Bruce made it back, he examined Tony, agreeing with Jarvis that it wasn’t more than a common cold – ignoring Tony when he told them that this was nothing – and decided to get some medicine and tea for Tony.

“You know, you don’t have to actually watch me the whole time, right?” Tony asked six minutes later. Neither Winter nor Peter had taken their eyes of him as if anything would happen. Which it wouldn’t, because he was fine!

“Dr. Banner said-”

“Petey, you know that-”

“Last time you-”

“Peter.” 

The kid stopped immediately at his tone of voice, looking younger and almost fragile.

“I’m okay.” At Winter’s growl, he looked up at the other man, trying to be as calm and fucking mature as he could be for their sake. Because Peter was scared. And Winter was pissed.

“This is just a cold. I didn’t want to worry you. It’s nothing. Bruce said so himself. He will make me drink his disgusting tea and I’ll be drunk on cough syrup and then I’ll be fine.”

“You didn’t tell us.” Under the accusation was pure fear. Shit, what had he done to the kid? And while on the topic, what had he done to deserve him?

Winter took a step forward, glaring at him. Using it as a distraction, because he had no idea what to tell Peter, he looked in the furious blue eyes and raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not sure what you want, Buttercup. Are you slightly unhappy?”

His glare intensified. He reached up, ripping his mask down in one swift move and showed his very displeased face.

To Tony and Peter.

Peter looked up at the movement and Tony’s gaze snapped to the kid to see if he  _ recognized _ the World War II soldier, and relaxed when he didn’t – despite Hydra’s best assassin glaring down at him with deadly intent.

“I just informed Captain Rogers and Colonel Rhodes, Sir, as your temperature reached 102 degrees just now.”

“Jarvis, that-”

“Lay down, Mr. Stark! You have a fever!” Peter demanded, pushing a little too forcefully at Tony, which toppled him over on the couch.

Before Tony could do anything more than gasp – at which Peter paled and Winter growled – Jarvis spoke up again.

“Captain Rogers is calling.”

Trying to regain his breathing to sound calm and collected was hard while Peter rearranged him, blankets and pillows all around him with an efficiency that he had to have learned from May.

“Tony?” 

Great, he sounded panicked already.

“He has a fever, Captain Rogers, and is coughing. I think it hurts his ribs and-”

“I’m fine!” Tony gasped. Mostly because at that moment Winter pushed him down again, ignoring his struggles to sit up entirely. 

“Shit. We’re on our way! Nat! Get Thor! Clint! We’re leaving!”

“Steve-” Tony tried to calm the frantic super soldier that would set the spies off with his panic, which had exactly zero effect. 

“It’s okay, Tony, we’re on our way.” Even if Steve’s voice was still frantic, he tried to be calm and soothing. Which didn’t work at all after just screaming for the spy twins like Tony was dying. He wasn’t fucking dying!

“It’s just a cold!” Tony yelled, which, of course, made him cough again.

“Shit.” Steve muttered. “Peter, is Winter with you?”

“Yes!”

“Make sure Tony lays down. I’m calling for Bruce, if it gets worse call an ambulance!”

“What!” Tony tried to yell outraged. It didn’t work.

“Dr. Banner is already-”

“We’re on our way! Call if something changes, Peter!”

And Steve hung up.

“What the fuck?”

Peter didn’t answer, because he told Winter to keep an eye on Tony and ran to the kitchen. 

Winter didn’t answer because he put his mask back on and glowered at Tony, his eyes jumping from his face to his chest and back again, every time he coughed. Which he did more often now. Because that was what happened if you had a cough and were forced to lie on your back.

“Sir, Colonel Rhodes is on his way.”

“Tell Rhodey it is just a common-”

“The Colonel asked me to tell you that it doesn’t matter, he is coming.”

Of course, he was coming. If luck had it, he had already called Pepper and-

A shadow flew across the window front and Tony stopped. Oh, no.

“Jarvis, tell me the Avengers didn’t take a Quinjet to-”

“They are already in the elevator, Sir.”

About twenty minutes later, Bruce stepped into the common floor, stopping dead when he saw Tony and the others and Tony couldn’t fault him for it. 

As it was, he had forgotten to take his cell phone with him and therefore not answered Steve’s calls. Jarvis, who was obviously still pissed at Tony, hadn’t calmed any of the frantic crazy people more than absolutely necessary to making sure they didn’t rush Tony to a hospital. 

Which meant that said crazy people were all but going ballistic when Bruce came back. 

Steve was clutching Tony frantically, while being white as a sheet and alternately shushing Tony to reserve his strength – which was fucking ridiculous – and trying to calm Peter, who was almost in tears, lying on Tony’s other side and holding his hand as if he was about to be snatched away by Death itself.

Clint and Nat hovered over all of them, muttering between themselves, pressing their hands to his forehead and pushing ice chips at Tony that he didn’t need. But every time he opened his mouth, they pushed another in.

Winter glared at all of them as if it was their fault. At least he had one hand on Peter. Probably to calm him.

Thor was walking circles around all of them asking all kinds of questions ranging from whether or not he should get more blankets – Tony was already buried under three and was pressed to the human shaped heater called Steve – or if he should travel to Asgard to hunt for a cure for the  _ malicious disease that had befallen their noble shield brother _ . 

Being unconscious sounded better by the second.

Bruce took a moment to take the scene in. 

Then he laughed. Actual tears springing to his eyes.

No matter how much Tony loved the other scientist – or that he wanted Bruce to laugh like that more often – he would take revenge on him for that.

When Rhodey entered the common floor an hour later, Bruce wasn’t number one on Tony’s shit-list anymore. Just because he had calmed all of the superheroes down enough to tell them that Tony wasn’t actively dying.

Bruce was still in the top ten though, because he had reminded everyone that even a common cold could be dangerous to Tony and that they all should keep an eye on him. 

That  _ innocent  _ comment resulted in putting all of them back into a stage of high alarm, a discussion of a sleep schedule for everyone but Tony and everyone tensing every time Tony coughed, said anything or breathed.

This was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> As always I love all of your comments! Thanks for sticking with me!
> 
> Also for everyone who silently (or openly in the comments) tells me to get my shit together and finally make Steve and Tony talk: I'm getting rather annoyed with myself too. This will not change my pace, because I planned the next 15 installments to come and some things need the biggest impact possible and for that I need all the installments I planned. (That's what I'm telling me to not rush anything...)
> 
> But it won't take those 15 installments to get to the *oh*-moment. I did promise you a wedding after all ;)


	5. Winter: You don’t interrupt “Certain Moments”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter is puzzled with all the people living in Avengers Tower.
> 
> And he has a talk with Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, 
> 
> two chapters in one week? Finally I getting back in form ;)
> 
> Thanks to my lovely friend and beta reader Justanotherpuff!

“You’re going to be careful!”

“I’m fine, Smallfry.”

“You had a fever!”

“Just a tiny one, Petey. It was nothing.

“And that is exactly why no one believes you when you say, you’re-”

“Shut up, Birdbrain!”

“I’m just-”

“Please, Mr. Stark."

Winter almost smiled when he saw the pleading expression of the kid. His eyes were big and brown and looking like he might start crying if Tony said no. Which he wouldn’t. Tony loved the kid. He would do anything that he asked of him. It was the latest rule on the sheet:  _ You do not make Peter cry _ . 

Winter understood the rule. He didn’t want to make him cry. Also, Tony would be angry with him if he did. 

And he didn’t like it when Tony was angry. Even if he hadn’t hurt Winter and apologized. Even if he had explained that he had been angry because Hydra still hurt him. An angry Tony was something to be feared. Now that Winter had feelings and could name some of them, he could acknowledge that.

“Mr. Winter?”

Winter snapped out of his thoughts and met the determined eyes of Peter.

“Will you keep watch over Mr. Stark and make sure he’s safe?”

“Peter!”

Winter nodded. He would have done so regardless but being asked by Tony’s kid was special. Like it was special when Colonel Rhodes had asked him to protect Tony.

“Thank you!” The kid smiled up at him before stepping closer and hugging Winter. It had happened once before and Winter knew how to react, still he glanced at Tony who nodded, with a smile. Carefully, he put his arms around the small shoulders, barely putting pressure into it. Everyone else, from the nurse who was the kid’s aunt to the Black Widow watched it closely. To make sure Winter didn’t hurt him.

As if Winter was that stupid.

Both Tony and Peter trusted him though. Tony with touching his son and Peter with taking care of his father. Winter had learned what that meant in the last week watching them closely. 

His first observation had been that they were both geniuses. Which, apparently, meant they were all but helpless when it came to taking care of themselves. Although, strangely enough, they could take care of the other. Or at least take better care of the other.

The second observation had been a confirmation of an earlier understanding: they loved each other. Peter could tell Tony things others couldn’t. Not even the Captain. They would reach out to each other and Peter would sleep near or on Tony. Also, Peter could carry Tony without being scolded.

The third observation had been that the Avengers liked Peter and had accepted him as Tony’s son. They called him Tony’s son and even though neither of them said anything to it, they both liked it.

Winter had also learned that Peter was Spiderman, a small-time superhero that had been given a low threat ranking in Hydra. The only reason Winter could think of why that had been was that they had never seen Peter while he protected his father. 

Peter moved back and Winter let go immediately, worried he might do something wrong. He wasn’t exactly sure what he could do wrong, still, it was better to be safe than sorry.

Peter grinned up at him, before hugging Tony once more. The older man groaned some when the enhanced strength pressed down just a little too hard on his still healing ribs. It didn’t change that he ruffled the brown hair and smiled beautifully down at the kid.

Winter let his gaze wander to the Captain, who had his intense gaze set on Tony’s smile. And the way Tony was hugging Peter.

Winter didn’t say anything. But, as he had done in the last week with Peter and Tony, he was going to keep an even closer eye on the Captain and Tony. He knew the Captain wasn’t a threat to Tony. He was as protective of the genius as Peter or Colonel Rhodes. As everyone else in the Tower. 

The only thing that terribly puzzled Winter was that it was different. Not different like Tony seemed to have a different relationship with everyone but even more different. Winter still didn’t understand it. But he had learned that he didn’t like it if he didn’t know something.

He also wanted to understand what it meant when the other Avengers were grinning to themselves, watching Tony sleep in the Captain’s arms while said Captain smiled down at the other man, petting his back or his hair.

Curiously, there seemed to be parameters for the interactions. It didn’t happen when Colonel Rhodes or Miss Potts were present. It hadn’t happened as much while Peter had been there. The Captain was more free with his touches when Tony was sleeping or he himself was tired. 

It didn’t matter much whether or not Winter or the Avengers were there if no one commented on it.

Tony’s behaviour was even more baffling. When he slept, was hurt or tired, he clung to anyone but especially the Captain. When he was awake, he didn’t seem to allow himself to reach for touch but granted it if others started it. As everyone around the Tower always touched Tony, that made the whole thing even more puzzling.

When his mind was occupied with something, he would play with the Captain’s hand, his hair, or anything in reach. He would pet him, hold him, lean on him, offer his shoulder to him or just lie down on the other man. Whenever he realized what he was doing he would stop, move away or look as if it hurt him.

It didn’t make sense at all.

Winter thought the other Avengers, Colonel Rhodes, Miss Potts, Jarvis and even Peter knew what was happening. But he wasn’t talking with them yet; and wasn’t sure if he was allowed to ask something like that. So, he observed. He catalogued what he saw and tried to figure it out.

Peter had given him the perfect excuse to stay even closer to the genius. Not that he had thought about not staying close. But with Peter’s request Tony wouldn’t be able to send Winter away (like to go into another room. Because Tony had promised he wouldn’t send Winter away and he believed him).

As soon as the elevator doors closed, Tony turned towards Winter, holding up his index finger. “It was a joke, you know that Buttercup, right?”

“I don’t think-”

“Seriously Clint, shut up!” Tony hissed at the archer. It was something that the Avengers did. And it didn’t end in a fight. If you didn’t count food fights. Or pillow fights. Or pouting. Which Winter didn’t. 

“Don’t worry, kotenok, I’m sure …Winter wouldn’t have stopped watching over you even without Peter asking him to.”

Tony glared at the Black Widow, something that could be a death sentence if she wasn’t one of Tony’s, Winter was sure. But he had watched them  _ very _ closely as well. The Widow liked Tony. Called him kitten, was protective of him and even gave him sweets, which she didn’t do for anyone else. And Tony was allowed to touch her if he wanted. Something even the other Avengers (aside from Hawkeye) didn’t do without express permission. 

There was, of course, the slight chance that the others had a properly functioning self-preservation instinct. Because neither Hawkeye nor Tony seemed to have one.

“If I was just a little more suicidal, I would tell you to shut up, too, Nat.”

“That is exactly the shit that has you on our watchlist, Ironmom.” Hawkeye put an arm around Tony’s shoulder, pulling him towards the kitchen. “Stop whining, there are still muffins to be eaten!”

“You can’t solve everything with muffins! I-”

“Peter hid some of the blueberry-chocolate-chip ones for you.”

That was something else Winter had learned: Tony had a sweet tooth and he really liked the things Winter baked. 

He had also learned that he liked baking. And that Tony liked his baking and always ate everything. And that the Avengers ate it too. Even the Black Widow. As if they didn’t think he would kill them. He could. But he wouldn’t if they didn’t hurt Tony. Or Peter. And possibly Colonel Rhodes and Miss Potts. Basically, anyone who was important to Tony. Or Peter.

He liked the kid. He was kind and smart and didn’t want Winter to be anyone that he wasn’t. He helped him learn, trained with him and was just… fun. He trusted him. That was the only reason he had shown Peter his face. He hadn’t planned it, just wanting to make sure Tony understood how very little he liked the fact that Tony had hid being sick.

Tony had seemed happy about it, after his surprise. Especially when Winter had removed the mask the day after, so that the three of them could eat said blueberry-chocolate-chip muffins. Peter and Winter had baked them after the recipe Dr. Banner had given them with some help from the AI. Tony had been sleeping on the couch because of the fever.

It didn’t worry Winter but keeping an eye on Tony and keeping him safe would be a fulltime job. Even if he trusted the Avengers enough to know they would also watch over him. He could use his training for something good. To make sure Tony didn’t die because he had forgotten he needed food or rest.

Winter really wasn’t sure how he had survived as long as he had. Jarvis had something to do with it. And Colonel Rhodes. Possibly Miss Potts. But the first didn’t have a body so he couldn’t enforce his demands. Colonel Rhodes worked for the army, so he was gone more often than not, even if he seemed to rush to Tony whenever he needed him. And Miss Potts was running Stark Industries with an Iron Fist. She didn’t have time either.

Never minding how he had survived until now; Winter was going to help. He was going to protect Tony.

Following the genius, who still looked tired, he ignored that the Captain and the Black Widow got into the elevator to leave for SHIELD. Winter didn’t really care, aside from the fact that Hydra wasn’t a part of it anymore – and the Computer had told Tony he had made sure there was no one left. 

He had been made by Tony, so there was a good chance that he was right. Still, Winter wouldn’t trust the information. There was too much that Hydra could do that wouldn’t be detectable for the program. No matter how smart he was. Winter was too smart to say that, though. Jarvis was Tony’s, too, and he didn’t seem quite so happy to forgive like the humans.

Was that because he was a computer? Or because he knew Tony almost as long as Colonel Rhodes? Or because he knew more about what Winter had done?

“Catch, Buttercup!”

Winter caught the flying object in his metal hand, to see it was the last muffin. Tony smiled at him while Hawkeye pouted.

“Eat up!” Tony beamed, mischievously. “And then, you can make more.”

That made the archer laugh. He pushed Tony lightly. “I knew there was a reason people called you a genius!”

“Don’t I know it?” Tony grinned back at the other man. “It’s because I use my smarts to make sure I eat enough.”

Winter snorted. At the same time as Hawkeye, who tilted his head and smiled almost friendly at Winter.

“Damn, you’re almost nice, there, Winter.”

“Clint.” Tony’s voice had changed, a warning undertone being easily picked up, mirroring the set of his shoulders.

“Calm down,  _ mom _ .” Clint leaned back, his expression calm. “I didn’t mean to insult your special child.”

“Dum-E is my special child."

“Your murder child, then.”

“That’s Nat, I’m pretty sure.”

“Hah! You admitted it! Jarvis, send the audio file to Nat!”

“Don’t you dare, Jay!”

“Already sent, Sir, my apologies.”

“That’s it. I’m going to donate you, Jarvis. You’re going to answer the calls for SHIELD for eternity!”

“My servers are quivering, Sir.”

“The disrespect!” Tony huffed.

Winter still saw the softness in his eyes.

“You have nothing to say to that?"

Winter looked up when Tony didn’t answer and found the archer looking at him. He tilted his head in question.

“What kind of kid are you to Tony?” There was something more in the question. Winter wasn’t quite sure what, but it was important.

“Shut up, Clint or your next bow will be a prop stolen from-”

“Come on, Tony, I’m just  _ asking _ ! I-”

“Protective child.”

The Hawk stopped speaking, instead looking intensely at Winter, a question already forming in his expression.

Winter glanced at Tony, who smiled, as if he was proud. Still, there was something in his eyes, that wasn’t right.

“You can actually talk.”

Winter nodded. Of course, he could talk. He had just learned to keep quiet. Something neither Tony nor the other Avenger seemed to be able to. 

“Of course, he can talk! Dumbass.” Tony hit the back of the other man’s head, lightly.

“Hey, what was that for?”

“Stupid observations!”

After that Hawkeye asked a lot of questions and tried to provoke a response from Winter. It didn’t work. Instead, Tony hit him a lot.

Sliding one of the warm muffins over to Tony, as soon as he had taken them out of the oven, Winter watched carefully, as Tony grabbed it hungrily. He still needed to gain weight.

That was something else he had learned. Tony didn’t like to be handed things. In a pinch, he would take objects from the hands of others, like guns. In any other situation, he tried to not do it. He could. He had taken stuff from Winter and even others when they were occupied with other things. But he always flinched, minutely. He would hesitate just for a second. His shoulders would stiffen and something dark would flash through his eyes. 

It wasn’t good what happened in Tony’s head when someone handed him things.

Some hours later, during dinner that Dr. Banner had organized, and after he had explained to Winter why it was important to make Tony eat vegetables and fruit that wasn’t in muffins (Winter would definitely use that knowledge to take better care of Tony), he, the Black Widow, Hawkeye and Thor decided to go back to sleep on their floors.

“I think some of us might like that, won’t we?” The Black Widow had asked with a far too innocent smile. Both Tony and the Captain had started blushing. Which didn’t make any sense at all. Still, it was more information he could maybe put in context with the proper, well, context or information.

“If you’re lonely without us there kicking you in the ribs, just call us.” Hawkeye said, before being hit on the back of his head by the Black Widow.

It seemed he got hit a lot. Winter didn’t disagree.

It took the Avengers some time to organize the pillows and blankets, something the Captain had insisted on doing and all of them had followed his order, although grumbling and groaning. It had been insubordination by almost all accounts, still there hadn’t been punishments or even harsh words. Just pleading blue eyes.

“You’re going to sleep in your bedroom, okay Winter?"

Winter looked at Tony confused. They were standing on Tony’s floor and the Captain had just wished him a good night, after walking into Tony’s bedroom. Which didn’t make sense. 

Well, it did. During clean up Dr. Banner had asked if the Captain would keep sleeping on Tony’s floor, with a kind of grin Winter had never seen on the quiet man before.

Tony had furiously glared at the other scientist while the Captain had blushed even worse than before, squared his shoulders and had told them, he would like to keep an eye on Tony, if it was okay with the other man.

Tony had in turn blushed too, and for a moment something like agony and resignation had flashed through his eyes, before he had agreed, mumbling something about nightmares. 

That part made sense. Both the Captain and Tony had had nightmares frequently. One would always sooth the other with words and touches. Because, as Winter had observed, in these circumstances none of the Avengers didn’t touch the others. But only ever after asking or moving very slowly and deliberately.

That part wasn’t confusing. It was logical. It was illogical to have Winter sleep somewhere else, though. In case of an emergency, it would be better if he was with Tony. 

“Jarvis will tell you if anything happens, I promise you, Winter. But I think it would do you good to actually sleep, for once. In a bed.”

Winter tilted his head. The only time that he had slept in an actual bed and not a cot or anything less bed-like, had been when he had slept beside Tony while they had been on the run from Hydra.

“Tell me you have slept on a bed before, Winter.” Tony sounded almost pleading now, so Winter nodded. 

“Good.” Tony exhaled a little calmer. “It’s just a door over, okay?”

Winter didn’t like it, but if the Captain was with Tony, he would be protected long enough for Winter to get there. This had probably something to do with personal boundaries, which Tony and Peter had told him about.

But in that case, why would the Captain be with Tony in his bedroom?

Still, Winter nodded his acceptance. 

“Thank you, Buttercup.” Tony smiled up at him.

“Welcome.”

At that Tony smiled even brighter.

Five hours later, Winter got up from the bed. He had slept in five to ten minutes intervals, listening closely to any and all noises he could hear through the half open door.

He had heard the noise of an opening door and footsteps. As they had come from the direction of Tony’s bedroom, he didn’t run out brandishing weapons. Instead, he slipped out, using the darkness to his advantage and holding a gun close to his thigh.

Before he saw the person, he heard the water tap and the distinct sound of a glass being filled almost to the brim.

Stepping around the corner he could see the back of the Captain. He was drinking water, his stance slightly tense.

With his enhanced senses the Captain would have heard him, therefore Winter didn’t try to be noiseless when he took the next step. It was faintly audible, and the Captain tensed further, before turning and meeting Winter’s eyes.

He blanched, visible even in the almost darkness, his expression morphing to one of agony in an instance.

“Bu-” He bit down hard on his lip, balling his fist as if he had to hold himself back from launching forward. 

Winter had forgotten to put on his mask. He wanted to kick himself. It had been so freeing to take it off, even if only for a little bit. 

Now, he wished he had kept it on even for sleeping.

“I’m sorry.”

Winter looked back into the Captain’s eyes. They were still full of pain and guilt, but his lips were set stubbornly.

“I know, that… I’m trying. I do. But it’s hard.” He exhaled harshly. “That’s not your fault. It’s mine. All of this is my fault and- I’m sorry.”

Winter tilted his head. The Captain had said it before. That he was sorry. That it was his fault. And Winter understood why he thought that. He had read about Bucky Barnes, had the AI show him everything he could find about him and the Captain.

“You’re not- You’re Winter. And that is good.” It seemed to almost gut the Captain to push the words out, but it didn’t sound like a lie either.

“Hurts you.”

The other man froze, his eyes going wide.

“What?”

“Me. Being here.” Winter elaborated. 

“No! I… I… No. You don’t… God, I’m sorry.”

Winter didn’t know what to say to that. He thought, not even the Captain knew what he wanted to say to that.

“I thought… Being here with the Avengers, with Tony… I thought… I felt… When I thought about y- Bucky… About… I thought he might like Tony and-”

“I do.”

A broken, painful looking smile warped the Captains lips. “Yes.”

“Wrong?”

The Captain looked confused. “What is wrong?”

“Like Tony.”

“No!” He seemed to be horrified at the thought. “Of course, not! It’s good that you like him and that you saved him and that you protect him. I… I meant something different.”

Winter tilted his head again, waiting. Instead of an explanation the Captain blushed again. Which made absolutely no sense. But before he could ask the Captain, his expression closed off. Not in a mean way. Just in a 'this conversation is over' way.

“Thank you for talking with me, Winter.”

Winter nodded.

“I will try to… it will take time, but… I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad Tony got you out when he did.”

That was incorrect, but he didn’t say it. He just nodded and watched Steve move past him and back into Tony’s bedroom. 

If he thought that would be the strangest thing that would happen that day, he was wrong. 

Firstly, Tony told him he was very proud of Winter for not breaking into his bedroom during the night. Winter didn’t know what that meant. The bedroom door hadn’t been locked. He wouldn’t have needed to break in.

Hawkeye, who had just stepped out of the elevator, to inform them that the rest of the Avengers were waiting with breakfast for them, had sniggered, telling Winter, a new rule was that  _ You don’t interrupt ‘certain moments’ _ . Winter didn’t know what that meant. Or what it had to do with socks and bedrooms. 

As both Tony and Steve blushed deeply at the comment, it must have something to do with their relationship he didn’t get.

Secondly, Tony was touched non-stop as soon as set foot onto the common floor. They had seen him the night before. They had decided to stop sleeping all on the common floor. Why did all of them look like the weight of the world fell from their shoulders when they could touch Tony?

All Winter’s observations said that if they had been uncomfortable with being separated or worried something could have happened to the genius (something like the Winter Soldier, maybe?) they could have come to Tony’s floor.

Tony wouldn’t have sent them away. Tony was good. He wouldn’t do that. Especially not after seeing the concern in their eyes. 

Thirdly, after breakfast he was asked by Thor if he wanted to spar with the god. At that, all Avengers followed them to the gym. The  _ training fight _ (Tony had repeated those words several times, making sure Winter knew that Thor wouldn’t hurt him and he shouldn’t hurt Thor) was fun. Something Winter wouldn’t have thought possible. 

With Peter there, everyone had been careful. But they were careful without the kid too. He watched the Black Widow and Hawkeye spar. They didn’t hurt each other. He watched the Black Widow and the Captain. They didn’t hurt each other either.

Afterwards the Black Widow forced the Captain and Hawkeye to come with her while Thor decided to follow Dr. Banner to his laboratory. 

It dawned too late on Winter that it had been staged. It was also number four of the strange things.

“Winter, I have to tell you something.” Tony was moving on the bar stool as if he was uncomfortable and for a moment, Winter was about to grab him and make the AI call for Dr. Banner, when he caught the brown eyes of the genius. There was concern in them and something more, but he didn’t look sick.

“Could you… could you take the mask off, please?”

Winter started to get nervous. Still, he sat down opposite Tony and took the mask off. It seemed to calm Tony a little.

“You remember that you can say no to anything you don’t like?”

Winter nodded.

“Good. I… Okay, hear me out, okay?”

Winter nodded again, trying to hold back his need to grab a weapon. He didn’t like this. Didn’t like how Tony fidgeted. 

“You know that Tony Stark and the Avengers are big in the media?” He asked, saying his own name as if he didn’t speak about himself but someone else entirely.

Winter nodded again. He had seen the media reports in the last couple of weeks about the Avengers, Hydra and their speculations why they hadn’t seen Tony. The representation of Tony had been terrible, and Winter was glad that everyone had been furious because of it. Everyone aside from Tony who didn’t seem to care at all.

“I will have to give a press conference pretty soon. In it I will have to tell them why I wasn’t here when the Tower was under attack, why I didn’t fight with the Avengers when Hydra reared its ugly head.”

Because of Winter. Because he had taken Tony. Because Tony had been hurt. Because-

“Breath, Buttercup, you’re fine.” Winter looked up at the soothing tone and nodded when he saw Tony’s hand hovering over his flesh one. The warm contact was good. Grounding.

“Pepper and I have a plan, Buttercup. Or Pepper and Jenny have a plan, but it's a good plan. We think it’s the best way, but you can say no. We won’t do anything you don’t approve of, okay?”

Winter nodded again. 

“We will protect you, alright?” Tony’s eyes bore into Winter’s full of conviction and care.

Winter smiled. Whatever they would do, he trusted Tony. 

Or at least he trusted Tony that he would take care of Winter. He obviously couldn’t be trusted with resting when he was sick, because after talking about the press conference, he showed Winter the schematics of his new arm. And the whole plan to attach it, his research, the research of the doctor he trusted, his plans for the production and everything else. 

Next time he was supposed to rest, Winter was going to steal that tablet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and for all your comments! They really mean a lot to me!


	6. Steve: Forcing others to do something that they don’t want to do is bad (exceptions might include making Tony eat, drink and sleep a healthy amount of time but have to be sanctioned by Jarvis, Rhodey or Pepper)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve wakes up beside Tony and thinks about some things...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely readers! 
> 
> I ignored work yesterday and wrote this instead. Please enjoy!
> 
> ...and remember. It’s all part of a bigger plan.

When Steve woke up this time, it wasn’t shivering from the ice. He was warm and… contend. Because Tony’s back was pressing to his stomach. He didn’t need to look down to see Tony huddled there like a cat snuggling in the warmth. 

He didn’t need to because he had seen it before. It had burned itself in his memory. He didn’t need to because he could hear the calm, steady beat of his heart and the soft whirring of the Arc reactor. His soft breathing.

Steve was happy.

For just a moment longer he ignored that he violated their friendship and relished the closeness. That feeling, deep in his gut, that this was _right_. That this was what he wanted for the rest of his life. To open his eyes and look down on the man he loved. 

To touch the soft locks of brown hair, knowing that Tony would be grumbling when he woke and that only coffee would be able to elevate his mood. 

But he couldn’t ignore the burning guilt for long. Tony didn’t know that Steve loved him. That he was in love with the genius. Inviting himself into his bedroom was almost… at best it was tasteless. At worst… at worst Tony could hate him for this. Should Tony hate him for this?

Steve moved slightly, to give the unsuspecting genius some more space. He moved, too, sluggishly turning until he had his face pressed against Steve’s chest.

Now, Steve was too weak to get up. He knew what the right thing to do was. Probably. Did he know what the right thing to do was? He loved Tony. He had to tell him. Everyone else thought so. He  _ wanted _ to tell Tony, no matter how much it scared him.

Even if Tony didn’t feel the same thing, they were friends and Tony wouldn’t hold it against him. He might pity him, although Steve didn’t believe it.

But this would stop. Them lying together like that, because if Tony knew how much it affected Steve, he wouldn’t do it. He would never torture Steve like that. Speaking of which, he needed to get his physiology under control. Right now, it was still innocent. Just two friends and teammates finding comfort in the other, but if his body betrayed more of what Steve actually felt for the other man, he might have to write himself up for sexual assault.

Steve didn’t want that. The last thing he wanted was to make Tony uncomfortable. Especially now when he finally seemed to get better.

Forcing his mind away from the warm body pressed to his, Steve thought about his early morning meeting with …Winter. How his heart almost froze in his chest when he had seen his  _ face _ , without the mask.

It had looked so much older and younger at the same time than Steve had ever seen his friend. 

But Winter wasn’t his friend. Bucky was dead. Winter was the new person living in his brother’s body.

For just a moment Steve let himself feel the bone deep dread, guilt, hate and devastation. Then he inhaled, smelling coffee and Tony and forced himself to relax. 

At least he wasn’t in any danger to make Tony uncomfortable with his erection any longer. Small mercies. 

Thinking their conversation over, Steve could appreciate that they had taken a huge step in the right direction. 

Winter had shown, albeit obviously accidently, his face and actually talked to Steve. He had seemed calmer. And he let Steve be with Tony without chaperoning him or pushing a gun at Tony.

Steve hadn’t cried again. Had called him Winter. Had promised to work on everything.

And Winter had seemed to accept it, even if he probably didn’t understand. How could he? If Tony was correct, he remembered nothing more than the last year and hadn’t actually developed a personality before the last couple of weeks. 

If Winter had another couple of months, he would be the most stable of all of them in the Tower. Steve smiled at the thought. Bucky had always bounced back. No matter what life had thrown at him. Even after Hydra had tortured him… the first time… he had bounced back. Aside from nightmares and a strong objection to needles, he had been fine.

He saw that in Winter as well. He saw the way he started to learn to enjoy small things, like being proud when the others praised his muffins. Bucky had never baked or cooked. And when he had, it had barely been edible. Winter was learning to bake though.

Focussing on the differences between them, his voice came to mind. Bucky always had a cock-sure Brooklyn drawl. Winter’s was raspy, quiet and so precise it almost hurt.

Bucky had been able to use his words to get what he wanted. He had never been malicious, he had just his ways, especially with dames. Winter barely talked at all. 

Still, he was full of life, of curiosity. Steve could see it in his eyes, in the way he seemed to catalogue everything. Aside from his knowledge about any and all devices to hurt, maim and kill and his decades long training to be a human shaped weapon, he behaved almost like a child.

No wonder he loved Tony. He was always great with kids, even if he himself didn’t think so. You just had to look at Peter, at every child they met in the field. At Winter.

Steve closed his eyes and concentrated on all the situations where Tony had ended up with a child in his arms while they had saved the city. He always said it just happened. That was bullshit. Kids liked Tony. He said, kids liked Iron Man. And they did, of course they did. But kids also loved all the other Avengers. But confronted with their counterparts, kids preferred Tony. Every time.

Steve, of course, understood that. If he was hurt or scared, he would prefer Tony, too. He’d settle for any of his family, but he would want Tony. Who always found a smile, no matter how terrible the situation or how much pain he was in. Who would do anything to protect you without any thought for himself. Who loved people so much that he was willing to give his all even when people only saw the most horrible sides of him.

After all, on some days Steve was sure it was the only side Tony seemed to be able to see about himself. 

Steve didn’t understand it. Not really. And he didn’t want to. It was cowardly of him, he knew, but he didn’t want to know what people, what  _ Howard  _ must have done to him to make Tony think he was all those awful things they said about him. 

All the while, he was the kindest man Steve had ever met. He cared so much about everyone, even the people who hated him. And if you were one of his? He would literally forgive you for kidnapping and shooting him probably  _ minutes _ after you did it. 

Steve looked down at the man that he loved. Who after being betrayed time and time again trusted Steve to be here. He couldn’t stop his hand from smoothing a strand of hair back that was sticking up stubbornly. He had to tell him. This was a disservice to him. He was basically betraying him every time he took liberties like these without him knowing what it meant to Steve.

When they had been on their way here, after getting confirmation that Tony was at the Tower, Steve had been so sure he would tell him the first chance he got. But Tony had been injured and barely able to keep standing. 

Then… then he had learned about Winter, and… Steve still didn’t know if he could actually accept knowing what… what he had done.

And now, looking down on Tony’s calm face, seeing him relaxed and almost motionless… it was enchanting. Steve didn’t want to lose it. 

He knew the others thought Tony liked him back. And sometimes Steve thought they could be right. But what if they weren’t? What if Tony just liked him as his friend? Would he think Steve would leave him if Tony didn’t return his feelings? Would Tony stop to seek, and more importantly to accept the care and support from Steve if he thought it was attached to more than friendship?

Would he think Steve wanted him just for his body? He had heard and read what people said about Tony, condemning him for enjoying what he liked and appraising him like a piece of meat in the next second. As if it was okay, just because he had casual sex with other people.

Steve had been about to kill the man he had heard talking about Tony  _ like that _ . Fortunately, Nat had stopped him, while Clint had taken the asshole away. Steve had never learned what happened to him, but he hoped Clint had made it hurt. None of them had ever talked about it. But then, they didn’t have to. Tony had never again been left on his own at a gala.

Raining in his fury, Steve tried to focus on what was important: Tony. Tony’s feelings. Because there was not a doubt in his mind, that not many people had considered them in the past.

Logically, Steve knew that he had to let Tony make these decisions himself. He was a grown man; he was a genius and Steve trusted Tony.

The only problem was that he was afraid. He was terrified. To hurt Tony with his feelings. To make him feel like they weren’t really friends but that he wanted something from the genius like anyone else. To put his foot in his mouth and make Tony believe he liked him for anything but the real reason he liked the other man. 

Tony had given Steve a home. A family. Someone to love. A reason to live. He had given him hope. And every day he gave Steve more.

And what did he have to offer? Being annoying and making him eat? Winter could do that just fine. Even better, if Steve was honest with himself, which, right now, he didn’t want to be.

He would tell Tony. Of course, he would. As soon as he knew that Tony was alright. When he knew, Tony could take the time to think about everything he should think about before agreeing to be in a relationship with Steve. If he wanted to. Steve would court him, if Tony allowed it.

The giddy smile that broadened his lips at that thought was born from pure bliss. 

“mngh… coffee…”

If Tony would give him a chance, he would be fine if his love for Steve came always second to his love for coffee. He knew very well that he would never be able to compete with it.

Heck, if Tony loved him… he would be okay with almost anything.

Even if it meant that their  _ friends _ would keep teasing them mercilessly, like they, once again, proved during breakfast. Glaring at Clint after his absolutely uncalled for comment about socks on bedroom doors, Steve vowed to speak to Natasha again. He knew he would never be able to make Clint stop, but Nat might.

After the training session, in which Winter hadn’t hurt anyone, hadn’t threatened anyone and had seemed genuinely happy, Nat dragged him and Clint to SHIELD. Even if it was Saturday, there was too much to do for all of them to take breaks. And as Tony, miraculously, was still taking it easy (for him), they were all determined to do as much work before the genius remembered what he could be doing. 

It also wasn’t that bad as Jarvis now lived in the Shield servers and had, very politely, declined Fury’s request to leave them again.

Sitting down on the small desk someone had offered him, Steve sighed. “Everything okay, Jarvis?”

“If you’re asking if some new disaster happened while you rested, I’m happy to inform you that everything is okay, Captain.”

Steve smiled. Jarvis was as sassy and intelligent as his father. “And everything else?

“SHIELD agents and officials are working as best as they can, and I’m glad to inform you, that Agent Romanov’s contacts from Germany will arrive tomorrow, to help with certain matters.”

“Are you vague because I don’t have the clearance to know about this or you shouldn’t know about this?”

“I would imagine both, Captain, but I’m happy to say Sir has decided I should reevaluate which classified information is to be told to the Avengers.”

“I’m not sure, I-”

“They are here to help oversee some military operations and some… troublesome cities.”

If Steve didn’t know all the classified information needed to know what that exactly meant, he wouldn’t be any smarter. Unfortunately, he did.

“Will you keep me informed?”

“Certainly, Captain.” 

Steve nodded his thanks. 

He wasn’t exactly sure what he was doing here. He wasn’t wanted for the interrogations (and he was glad he didn’t), he wasn’t asked to read the files after breaking two desks anymore, wasn’t allowed to train with the agents, because they had no chance against him and he had refused to go on any missions as long as Tony… well. He had refused to go on missions and basically told Fury to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.

“Anything on your mind, Steve?”

Steve bit down hard on his tongue, trying to hide that Nat had startled him again. The mischievous glint in her green eyes made sure he knew that she knew that she had once again been able to sneak up on him. Still, he didn’t need to admit it.

“I-”

Nat raised an eyebrow, effectively stopping his ramble before he could even start.

“Did you two talk?” She had leaned closer, knowing full well that if anyone else was to drop into the office, they would be in a questionable position. Which could be her intention to make him talk. Steve was the last person to protest that he was not a spy, but he was a strategist and on good days he could guess what Natasha was doing.

For a moment he didn’t want to answer. Firstly, he didn’t want to admit that he was too afraid to talk to Tony. Secondly, he didn’t want to see the understanding in her eyes. Steve knew that both Nat and Tony told each other things they wouldn’t tell any other of the team. And it was good that they had someone to confide in. But it also meant that she knew so much more about Tony. There was not a doubt in Steve’s mind that Nat knew more about any of them. 

And she would know more what Tony might think or do if Steve screwed this up. 

And then she would kill him. She had already warned him to be careful. He would be. He was! He would never do  _ anything _ to hurt Tony. Unfortunately, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t still hurt Tony.

“No.”

“Why not?” Natasha asked, tilting her head questioningly, her green eyes warm.

“You know why.”

She nodded. “You’re afraid.”

Steve glanced away. 

“What are you afraid of?” Her voice was gentle. Understanding. 

Steve didn’t answer.

“That he won’t return your feelings?”

Steve crumbled under the possibility, barely keeping himself sitting upright.

“That he could think you are using him?”

At that Steve flinched. Badly.

“That he could think you are going to betray him?”

Not being able to take the accusations any longer, Steve looked up to meet Nat’s stare.

“I would _never_ -”

“Steve, do you think Jarvis would let you be if he had even the slightest inkling you might hurt Tony in any way?”

“I wouldn’t.” The AI said, before Steve had even an idea how to answer that. “I do not believe you are a danger to Sir. Although I will keep close watch. I know that meaning well doesn’t always end well, Captain Rogers. And you can be sure I will stop you immediately if I ever think you might be hurting him purposefully in any way, shape or form.” The all too human voice was calm, soothing even. Still, a chill went down his spine. 

“I know, Jarvis. Thank you.”

“And he won’t be the only one.” Nat said, leaning a little back, now that Steve was actually looking at her.

She was right, of course. Even if the other Avengers wouldn’t take sides (and all those who wouldn’t stay out of it would most likely side with Tony, and why wouldn’t they?) there were still Colonel Rhodes, Pepper, Happy, Peter and Jarvis, of course.

“It would still be too late.” Steve breathed, low enough that even Nat wouldn’t hear it. Yes, Tony had all those people in his corner. But it wouldn’t change that Steve would have hurt him. The worst of it? Tony might still forgive him for it. Because Tony would believe it to be his fault. Because he would think he deserved to be hurt or that Steve had a right to do whatever he had done.

Not that he would do anything. But if something happened, Tony would think it was his doing. If they went public with their relationship, the media, the people, _everyone_ would assume it was Tony Stark’s fault, because Captain fucking America was perfect and would never do anything bad.

There was also the small matter that the world still thought he was hetero. He wouldn’t care what the media and hate filled people would write about him. At least he couldn’t be put into prison anymore for who he loved. And he would like to be honest about himself. To show the world that his love was as pure as any other kind of love. 

But the spiteful people wouldn’t attack him. They would go after Tony. After someone who had enough press about his relationships and one-night stands that it had taken Steve some days to go through it after learning of the fact that Tony Stark did not discriminate when it came to his bedpartners. He had read all the hateful words. All the slander. The brutal and public execution of a teenager, a young man who was obviously struggling. 

Was Steve happy with everything Tony had done? No. Some of it was illegal, especially for someone who could barely be counted as a teenager at the time. Some of it was downright dangerous. Some was thoughtless. 

Still, the kid, the young man, who had been thrust into the limelight the second he had been born, who had obviously been pushed beyond his breaking point, didn’t deserve to be called all those names. (And Steve had memorized the worst papers, the most vicious paparazzi and was glad to know that someone (Jarvis) had started to take care of it as soon as he was around).

If they were dating and the media found out… they could write whatever they wanted about Steve. He would stand up to them as he had always done. He would fight for the right thing and  _ make them see _ . 

But if they went after Tony? He wouldn’t fight. He would tell all of them to ignore it, because the press hated him anyway. Because it wasn’t important. 

And it would all be because of Steve.

“He can be an asshole, but he wouldn’t hurt you on purpose either.”

Steve, who had let his head sink again, snapped his eyes back to Nat. He knew that. Tony would never hurt any of them if he didn’t have to. He would kill himself before letting one of them come to harm – which was one of the things they fought about the most. 

And yes, Tony could be an asshole. He seldom was to the people he considered family, but he could be. His sharp wit could produce words that would cut you open until you bled out. 

Tony wasn’t perfect. He was just perfect for Steve. 

“Why are you here Nat?” It took Steve most of his considerable strength to get the question out and to ignore the almost challenging look on the woman’s face.

Nat let him sit in it for almost three minutes, but by now Steve had learned to keep his mouth shut and not react to her provocations. Sometimes.

“Fury wants us to talk to the new commissioner.”

So, they did. A few hours later they were on their way back to the Tower, stopping only for the food Thor had ordered in a restaurant that didn’t deliver. Not even for the Avengers.

Steve didn’t even think about it when he sat down beside Tony for dinner. It just felt so right. 

The only reason Clint didn’t start embarrassing Steve again, mercilessly, was the fact that Winter sat down on Tony’s other side and took his mask off to eat with them.

The silence that followed was pronounced enough to actually make the deadly assassin twitch, until Tony slung an arm around his shoulders that were still clad in all black, although he was wearing civilian clothes, and laughed.

“I knew Thai food would be your breaking point!”

“…didn’t.”

“Shit, Winter, and I thought I was special!” Clint pouted, a smirk already on his lips.

“Talked to Captain.” Winter said, his eyes meeting Clint’s for about half a second. 

“You did, didn’t you.”

“If anyone is special, it’s me.” Tony intoned in his perfected haughty tone that, if Steve didn’t know was bullshit would raise his hackles in no time.

Winter rolled his eyes, before petting Tony’s head.

Thor burst out laughing while Tony glared at Winter, a warm smile tugging on his lips.

“Careful, Buttercup, or I’m going to hide whatever it is you need to bake.”

“Sure, Tony.” Winter agreed, easily, his eyes warmer than Steve had ever seen them. Maybe it was because without the mask he didn’t see the man that had shot Tony on that video, but right now he only saw trust and adoration.

Another person Tony had saved. 

“I am quite honoured that you decided to share both your face and voice with us, friend Winter.”

Winter looked up at Thor, as if to judge whether or not the god meant it. As it was Thor, he, of course, meant it exactly like he said it. 

“How was SHIELD?” Tony asked after Winter had pushed a full plate towards him, something not many people were brave enough to do and then glared Tony into submission. That earned him some respectful glances, even from Natasha. 

“Boring!” Clint whined, like a toddler. “There hasn’t been one explosion. And I think I saw Fury actually  _ relaxing  _ today.”

“I don’t think-” Steve started, knowing full well Tony would see it as a personal challenge even if Clint hadn't explicitly stated that this had started after Tony stopped to show up at SHIELD.

“Bullshit!”

“It could be because Hydra isn’t sabotaging SHIELD anymore.” Bruce said, as if trying for the token protest even though he knew neither Tony nor Clint would believe it. And they didn’t. 

In the ensuing discussion, that got more ridiculous by the minute, Winter and Nat kept silent. Eyeing each other or the chaos all around them.

If Steve would have to put words to it, he thought they might be relaxing more than they ever had before in the presence of the other.

Tony finished about half of his plate before he pushed it away or tried to. As Winter had grabbed his fork and rammed it into the table stopping the plate instantly, Tony hadn’t been able to move it more than an inch.

The playful atmosphere was charged in a heartbeat, all of them stiffening, readying themselves to attack, to defend, to-

All except Tony, of course, who crossed his arms challengingly in front of his chest, raised an eyebrow and stared down the best assassin that Hydra ever had.

“Eat.” Winter all but growled. 

Steve stiffened. Not only because this was a voice that would surely visit him in his nightmares if his brain would connect it to the nightmares he already had about Tony’s kidnapping. Also, Winter had given Tony an order and Tony did not react well to orders.

“I’m full.” There was a slight edge to Tony’s voice, but Steve knew that if anyone aside from Winter (or Peter) had done this, Tony would have already slain them on the spot. 

“Eat.”

“Winter.” The edge in his voice grew colder, harder. A definite warning. “We talked about this.  _ Forcing others to do something that they don’t want to do is bad _ . Jarvis, put it on the sheet so that  _ everyone _ can reread it if they need a reminder.”

“Not healthy.”

“Not the point.”

“Need to-”

“ _ Winter _ !”

The man, who a second before had been almost posturing, using his size and muscles to try to intimidate Tony who, even if Steve was not stupid enough to even think it, was so terribly fragile with his small and still healing body, flinched.

He blinked once, before his shoulders fell, moving his body backwards. Steve was sure he would have jumped up and left if Tony wouldn’t have grabbed his wrist. Winter froze, his eyes on the floor.

“Look at me, Buttercup.” Tony’s voice now was almost unrecognizable from the sharp command he had used just a heartbeat ago. His words were gentle, his tone lovingly. “We talked about this and we will keep talking about this. It is not okay to force someone. Even if you do it because you want to help or protect them.”

Winter nodded. “Except to save life.”

“Right.” Tony smiled at him. “And what do we say when we make a mistake?”

“…sorry.”

Winter relaxed at the brilliant smile that Tony gave him. Steve knew, even if Tony hadn’t told him, that there had to be a fight between them. Tony would never let himself be dictated and shoved around. Even if said person was brainwashed and didn’t know any better. The fact that Tony must have won the fight and Winter clearly trusted his judgment made him all the more… what? Magnificent? 

Steve blinked, realizing he must have stared longingly at Tony for a bit too long. Thank god, Tony was still focusing on Winter.

“Holy fuck.”

Steve’s eyes snapped to Clint, who looked flabbergasted. “You really are Ironmom.”

“Shut up, Birdbrain.”

“No, really, that… that was like a mom from an 80’s sitcom.”

“I will shoot you.”

Clint opened his mouth to answer, most likely something smart, when Winter, with a straight face, pushed a gun into Tony’s hand, before looking at Clint with a raised eyebrow.

There was a heartbeat of silence in which no one moved.

“He is funny.” Nat stated, leaning back in her chair, her eyes lying calmly on Winter. 

“Nat!” 

“Thanks, Winter, very considerate of you.”

“Hey!”

“I do not see why, friend Tony. Clint did speak the truth. You do care for us like you are our loving parent and we appreciate you all the more for it.”

Tony sighed. “Thanks, Thor.”

“WHAT? I’m almost getting shot and Thor- I knew you had favourites!” Clint pointed accusingly at Tony; his eyes dramatically widened. 

“We love you all the same.”

Steve only knew he had said it when everyone looked towards him. And all of them, except Winter and Tony smirked at him knowingly. 

“Steve might love you all the same.” Tony shrugged his shoulder. The slight tightening of his expression was enough to let them all know that he was still in pain. Although he swore left, right and centre that he was fine. (Steve was thinking about banning the word. And he knew Winter and everyone elsewould all be for it.)

“Don’t worry, kotenok we all know who your favourite is.” Nat said, calmly, not looking away from Tony, who blushed before starting to scoff. Steve wasn’t sure why though. 

Of course, they all knew that Peter was Tony’s favourite. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me life!
> 
> Special thanks to all of you who always comment!
> 
> And of course to my lovely beta reader who had to deal with some uncertainty from me this chapter...


	7. Tony: You’re allowed to say no

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has Tony's perspective of the whole One-Bed™ situations. Also Nat has a rough time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all my beautiful readers: There are so many of you who comment on everything or on a lot of chapters and it fucking means the world to me. I really can’t express how much it means to me!!!
> 
> But I had to try once again. 
> 
> And that has NOTHING TO DO WHATSOEVER with what will happen in this chapter. Nothing. At. All. 
> 
> Seriously, I do love you all. 
> 
> (Brace yourselves.)

Tony woke up with a gasp. For a moment, the nightmare still clung to him. He had been back on that fucking island, and Steve had been tortured to hurt Tony. Thankfully, he was woken up before his subconscious could really get going. 

And of course, it was because of Steve. In the last few weeks, it had always been Steve. But this time it wasn’t because he was caressing Tony and whispering reassurances. Instead, he was whimpering.

His body, that could be used as a weapon – especially in combination with his sharp mind – was curled up, almost in the fetal position, his face scrunched up in agony and unspeakable terror. 

“Steve?” Without thinking about the probability that Steve could wake up violently (he had before, but luckily Tony had always been able to avoid being hit, Steve would never forgive himself if Tony would let him hurt his teammate), he moved closer, laying a hand on his cheek. 

The reaction was instantaneous. Steve’s eyes flew open, his gaze hazy, confused and full of pain. Before Tony could react, they locked onto Tony and in the next heartbeat he was wrapped into Steve’s strong arms that pressed his body a little too tight to the super soldier.

Not that Tony would tell him that. 

Steve was shivering, almost violently, and although Tony didn’t understand everything he was mumbling feverishly, he understood enough.

“I’m here, Steve, it’s okay. You’re safe.” One of his arms was trapped between their bodies but the other was behind Steve. Carefully, he let his fingers run through the blond hair, using the same movements that he would use when Peter had a nightmare.

“We’re safe. We’re in New York. We’re all here.” He mumbled, calmly.

Steve shuddered again. The shaky inhale that followed it sounded wet. 

As if to hide in Tony’s considerably smaller body, Steve pressed even closer, almost constricting Tony’s breathing to a worrying point. Tony stayed calm and relaxed, concentrating on an even breathing mostly for Steve’s sake. No matter how out of it Steve was, he wouldn’t actually hurt or injure Tony. And if he needed to hold on with a bruising force, it was okay for Tony.

“I’m here, Steve. You’re not alone.”

Another shudder ran through his body and Tony held on as much as he could with one arm.

The mumbling calmed some. Which was almost a problem, because he understood too much the next time Steve whispered almost breathlessly into Tony’s chest.

“You fell. Like… like Bucky.”

Fuck. 

Of course. He had seen Winter’s face yesterday. He had heard his voice. And even if both would be different, were different, it would throw Steve back. He had become better. Had been able to talk about Bucky and other people from his past with a nostalgic smile on his lips instead of guilt or pain. 

That, of course, had been shot to hell the second he had learned who Winter had been. 

“I’m okay, Steve. We’re okay. We’re safe.”

“You… Bucky…”

Tony pressed his cheek to Steve’s hair, his hand fisting the back of his shirt.

“I know, Steve, I know.”

“No…” Another shuddering inhale. But of course, Tony knew. Tony had brought him back, had ripped open the wounds that had been healed. He had brought someone along that wasn’t his best friend but occupied his body.

What would he do if Steve had brought Rhodey’s body back but the person looking at him wouldn’t be his honeybear? Would he even be able to cope? Would he be able to speak to either of them.

Who was Tony kidding, he would have broken. Once and for all. 

“I… I couldn’t… I was  _ too late _ !” Steve whimpered. “I can’t. Can’t lose you… if you… I couldn’t… I  _ can’t _ .” He shuddered again. 

“I’m here. You’re not alone, Steve. We’re all here.”

It took them some more minutes before Steve slowly relaxed. Tony kept his mumbling up. Reassuring that Steve wasn’t alone. That they all were there. 

He didn’t mention Bucky. What could he even say?

Surprisingly, Steve fell asleep after barely fifteen minutes. His arms were still holding Tony in a restraining way that clearly was comforting to the super soldier. Tony did pointedly  _ not _ reflect on the fact that he was nothing more than a teddy bear right now.

For a while Tony just listened to the even breathing, petting his back, to keep him calm and relaxed. To reassure him that he was here, even if his best friend wasn’t anymore. 

As soon as the dread and pain lessened, Tony concentrated hard on three facts.

Firstly: Steve was straight. Steve was his best friend. Steve was family.

Secondly: Steve needed the touching and close proximity even more than Tony did. He was touch starved on a good day and right now he had had a terrible nightmare reliving one of the worst days of his life, so it was absolutely normal for Steve to cling to the next available person he trusted.

Thirdly: Steve was still in distress and his platonic friend, so his body better behave itself. 

To the first thing, it really didn’t matter that Steve was straight, because Steve was his friend. He was part of Tony’s family and that was more than Tony could have ever hoped for. Not only was he proving Howard wrong – and that was always a welcomed plus – but he now had a family with several members. All of them strong. Most of them so strong that they would most probably survive their contact with Tony, like Rhodey, Pepper and Happy. (Who knew what a colossal disaster he could be, stuck with him anyway and swore their life’s were better for it. Tony was pretty sure it was Stockholm.)

He loved all of them. It didn’t matter that he was also in love with Steve. Tony had never even hoped for Steve liking him. The fact that they were friends was more than Tony deserved. He was damned thankful for having him, having all of them in his life. 

Secondly, he was thankful that he could give Steve what he needed. Of course, Tony was touch starved too, so it wasn’t like he had to sacrifice anything to give Steve what he needed, hell, he loved to be touched by Steve. But most importantly it was something that Steve  _ needed _ . He needed the reassurance, he needed the warmth, the close proximity. It was nothing sexual, just touches between friends. 

Rhodey and he did it all the time. Sometimes they still slept in the same bed and if that happened, they always woke up, wrapped around each other. They were family, and as Tony had learned around the same time, he started to reference Winnie the Pooh every time he wanted to talk to his roommate, family members should not only be nice to each other but actually touch each other – and hitting didn’t count. The only real contact that Tony had had… Aside from human Jarvis, of course, who had hugged Tony whenever they hadn’t been observed. 

The point was Steve would have also clung to Thor or Clint. He would have clung to Nat or Bruce. There was nothing special about Tony. 

Thirdly – and that was a terribly fucked up silver lining – since having the magnet stuck in his chest his physiology had a hard time (pun intended) to get the blood pumping enough to get him hard. Which in any other context was something he fucking hated. But in these kinds of situations, he was almost  _ thankful  _ for it. Not that he would have sported a stiffie while he held his devastated friend! 

He might be a terrible human being (there was proof) and he might be inappropriate in the most unfortunate moments (thankfully he didn’t remember most of it but, as a random example, there were pictures and a few videos of him taking off his pants during a speech. He had been high and drunk at the time, which hadn’t helped any to explain why he had done it when he was supposed to accept a prize for… something. Who cared?) but not even he was that awful – and because his body literally couldn’t prove him wrong it was a story he could stick with.

Sure, there were times in which his body still managed to betray him – especially when they were wrapped around each other without anyone having a panic attack. He was experienced enough to stop his body from betraying him of course, he hadn’t been a playboy for most of his (adult?) life without picking up a trick or two.

Right now, he was just glad that he had been there and not downstairs in his workshop. He knew too well how it felt to wake up alone after reliving a personal hell and it was worth all the things Tony could be doing right now if Steve felt safe enough again to sleep a little longer. 

He was also glad that Steve’s arms had loosened enough for him to be able to breathe again. And that they didn’t press down any longer on his shoulder and ribs. 

Knowing himself, and despite popular belief, Tony could reflect on himself, he knew he wouldn’t fall asleep anymore. One hand movement behind Steve’s back was enough for Jarvis to project the time on the wall. 3:13am. 

Another hand movement and Jarvis showed him a selection of schematics. Deciding on checking all the decisions he had made on Winter’s arm once again, Tony forgot everything around himself until Steve moved. Instead of letting go of Tony, he moved both of them, almost burying Tony under his body.

“Sir?” Jarvis' voice was low, still Tony heard the worry in it. Lying on his back was a problem for Tony, having to breathe against the weight of the Arc Reactor pressing down on his lungs. And right now, he also had to breathe against some of the weight of Steve’s body.

Breathing calmly, he decided that he could take it at least for a little while, he made a calming hand gesture and kept working. As soon as he was done with re-checking for the umpteenth time, he wrote an email to Helen, that they were ready when she was. 

After talking with Winter yesterday, he had called Helen, explaining the situation in rough strokes. Helen hadn’t commented much, just promised that she would come tomorrow. Something else Tony loved about the extremely competent woman.

That meant he had to build it today. That wasn’t a problem if the others would let him get to work. He had already organized everything with Jarvis, had him prepare everything as best as he could. 

Tony couldn’t wait. It had been too long, far, fucking far too long since he had been able to just  _ build _ . To be able to do what he was good at. To finally let go of anything and just lose himself in his inventions. To not be responsible for anything just for a couple of hours that wasn’t the metal between his hands.

After making sure all he had to do now was get down there and finally start, he read two emails from Pepper. She and Tony’s lawyers were hashing out a plan to privatize the Avengers without angering the United Nations. It would be tricky and take some more time, but they were already formulating contracts for all of the Avengers to be outside of the SHIELD and Military line of command.

Pepper, as always, was a godsend. Especially since it seemed to be her very personal goal to get Tony as far from both as she could. Rhodey wasn’t as happy about it but did understand it. He had been shaken too, when some of his superiors had turned out to be Hydra agents.

“It’s not that I didn’t know they were racist assholes, but Hydra?” Rhodey had shaken his head, fury written in every of his lines. 

Tony had just growled.

When Steve moved the next time – Tony had been reading up on how to avoid triggers, just to make sure he was as prepared for the actual change of arms as he could be – he couldn’t hold back a sigh of relief. Being dragged back to his side made breathing that much easier. Steve was still holding on to him, but not as closely, loosening the pressure that had pressed down on what Tony presumed to be impressive bruises, judging by the tingling in them.

Which meant, he had to make sure no one would see them. As he was surrounded by people who were far too observant for their own good when it came to the smallest ouchies from Tony – a fucking ridiculous concept but he had stopped fighting with them about it because they refused to listen to reason, the assholes – he would just have to hide them some, be casual and focus on the work he had to do. In long sleeves. Whatever. 

There was a tingling feeling on his cheek, a warm exhale that caressed his collarbone, before Steve stiffened.

“It’s okay, Steve. You’re fine.” Tony’s hand dropped immediately down to pat Steve’s back. “We’re in New York. We’re all fine.”

Steve moved back, a red tinge already forming on his cheeks. “I’m-”

“No need to be sorry.” Tony smiled up at him, hoping that all Steve saw in his eyes was his honest – actually honest! – interested in being there for his friend. “Are you feeling better?”

Something flashed through his blue eyes but vanished before Tony could read it. 

“Yes, I- thank you, Tony. I…” His eyes darkened, his expression hardened, and his shoulders tensed even further. Tony couldn’t have that. 

“It’s okay, Steve. We’re all safe. We’re all here.”

Steve pressed his lips together and nodded. 

“I… Yes, I know. I…” He gestured behind himself, probably in the direction of the bathroom and got up. His movements weren’t as smooth as they normally were. 

Shit. Tony had hoped that Steve would feel better after actually sleeping some more. 

One sure way to lighten the mood of the super soldier was providing him with food – and if Tony ate something of it himself, so he would do just that. With it he would also get Winter off his back for a couple hours. 

“Jay.”

“Ordering breakfast for everyone. The delivery will be here in thirty minutes, Sir.”

“Good boy.”

“I live to serve.”

“You live to annoy me.”

“That is my service to you, Sir.” Jarvis agreed pleasantly, before reducing the volume the exact second Tony could hear the shower start. “I detected some bruising on your body, Sir.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Would Captain Rogers, Mr. Winter or Mr. Parker agree with that statement?”

“Irrelevant because they won’t find out.”

“Sir-”

“You saw him Jay.”

“Exactly. He didn’t know that he was hurting you.”

“He hugged me too tight, I don’t think-”

“Next time he might-”

“No.” Tony snapped. More annoyed with himself than Jarvis. He was a despicable human being because he wanted a next time to happen. He wanted to be held like that. He wanted to feel like he could give Steve something back. Far too often he just took, waking the other man almost every night with one of his nightmares. Hell, even tonight Steve had woken him up before he could see another of his fun little experiences in the fucking terror dome that was his head.

“I must insist, Sir.”

“No, Jarvis.” No longer acknowledging the AI, Tony stepped in front of the mirror and took off his shirt. There were some hand shaped bruises, some that had to be Steve’s arm pressing down on his embarrassingly fragile skin, but they all looked on the lighter side. Definitely nothing for Steve to worry about.

“I am not going to lie about this, Sir."

Tony glared up at Jarvis' camera. “He is not going to ask about them. And you’re not going to tell him.”

Jarvis didn’t answer.

“Jarvis!”

“I will not lie if he asks.”

“Fine.” Tony grit out. Pulling down the MIT hoodie, he opened the bedroom door and almost ran into Winter’s back.

“Buttercup!”

Winter turned. He wore the face mask again, but Tony decided not to comment on it. 

“Tell me you didn’t stand here all night.”

Winter shook his head. 

“Good.” One worry less. “I ordered breakfast for us all.”

Winter nodded again.

“Afterwards I’m going to build your arm.” A smile formed on his lips. His fingers already itched to finally work again. And Winter would get rid of the abomination that was still torturing him.

When Steve stepped out of Tony’s – their? – bedroom about twenty minutes later, he looked flushed and almost guilty. As he didn’t rush over and ripped Tony’s hoodie off, he couldn’t know about the bruises. That was at least something.

Breakfast was a happy enough affair, until the Avenger’s alarm sounded, and his traitorous teammates decided that Tony was right, and he really did need the whole day in the workshop. A fact they had fought just seconds ago.

As Rhodey was still in New York and called thirty seconds after the alarm – courtesy of Tony’s very own backstabbing AI – and told them that he would fill in for Iron Man, there wasn’t much he could say. Because he did need all the time in the workshop he could get if he didn’t want to delay Winter getting a new arm. Also, they hadn’t had ‘the talk’ with Winter yet about what to do when Tony was Iron Man. And whether or not Winter wanted to become an Avenger and what that would mean.

Being left to Winter’s protection – Rhodey literally ordered Winter to take care of Tony and make sure he didn’t slip out, a fact that his honey bear would come to regret in the future – he made sure to be locked into the com-system, before diving into Winter’s arm.

Luckily the call was a small Hydra uprising, or that was what the agents called their little stunt. It took the Avengers barely two hours to get the situation under control. Three hours later they were back in the Tower. To find out that Tony was in black out mode, not talking to them and that Winter had stacked food, water and coffee with them and wouldn’t open the door. 

Because Tony had made sure Winter understood that he was very much unhappy with the situation and that this shit wouldn’t fly a second time, no matter who ordered it.

Winter had understood, even though it had taken some time arguing for them to find a compromise. Winter would be allowed to come along too, as long as he held himself in the background and only acted to save lives. 

They had also used the time to hash out more of the story Tony would feed the press on his scheduled soul-striptease – he would actually prefer an execution. He wasn’t stupid enough to say that though. 

It was almost midnight when both Jarvis and Tony were satisfied with the results of all the tests, they had put the arm through. 

Following Winter out of the workshop Tony was surprised to find Steve sitting there. 

Taking a shower (and getting dressed in long sleeves and the thickest non-hoodie he had) Tony lay down beside Steve, who, still subdued – even if Tony thought the cold shoulder hadn’t been that bad, especially since he had also needed some quiet to do the trickier parts of the arm – left more room between them than he had since before Tony had been kidnapped in Germany. 

Tony tried hard not to miss the closeness – until Jarvis informed him via light signal that Nat was up and on the common floor, activating the  _ Nightmares Suck Protocol. _ Getting up while not being hugged was easier than having to leave Steve’s warmth – although Tony would have done it, of course. Still. Silver linings. Silver linings everywhere.

“Tony?” Steve’s voice sounded almost panicked.

Tony looked back at the bed where Steve was sitting up, worry and fear in his expression. Did he have another nightmare?

“It’s okay, Steve, I-”

“Miss Romanov requires Sir’s assistant.”

Glancing up at Jarvis camera – normally he wouldn’t give up personal information like that – it took Tony a moment to meet Steve’s eyes. He seemed calmer now, as if he  _ knew _ about the protocol. 

“Okay, yeah… I- You-”

“Sleep, Steve. I’ll come back.”

Something crossed Steve’s expression that might be relief but was too sharp. Maybe he was mostly still asleep.

“Okay.” Steve nodded, looking less worried but still… lost?

Tony hesitated for a moment, but Nat needed him. 

He closed the bedroom door behind himself just to see Winter step out of his door, a questioning tilt to his head.

“Go back to bed, Winter, I’m fine.”

“Where?”

“Miss Romanov requires Sir’s assistance, Mr. Winter.”

Winter frowned and took another step closer.

“Stay here, Winter, I’m fine. Nat and I… we just have a quick talk, okay?”

Winter didn’t seem to think that was a good idea. Tough luck.

“Go back to bed, Winter.”

“You sleep.”

“I will” – probably – “as soon as I come back.”

“Miss Romanov offers that you can observe them via video.”

At that Tony’s gaze snapped up once more. 

“It will be soundless, but you can see Sir the whole time.”

His expression conveyed his inner fight, which didn't really matter right now.

“See you in a bit, Winter.”

The elevator doors closed, and Tony exhaled. Ignoring everything else, he focused on what he might see in the kitchen on the common floor. Nat only went down there when she wanted company or if it was really bad.

Or when it was worse, and she  _ needed _ company.

Stepping out onto the common floor, Tony made deliberately loud noises, to make sure he didn’t surprise her. Walking around the corner, he saw Nat, sitting on one of the bar stools, her hands clenched in front of her.

She had made tea. Two cups stood beside the tea pot. 

Sitting down silently, Tony let her fill his cup without protest. She clearly needed to be in control right now.

For the first couple minutes they sat there in silence. It was almost tradition. They would let the silence speak for them. The close proximity. That Nat was allowed to reach out and touch Tony if she wanted to. That Tony would let her walk around him, not following her with his eyes.

He would eat or drink what she would give him, proving that he trusted her. 

“I know what you are thinking.” Her voice was detached, calm.

“Welcome to the terror-dome, then.” Tony answered, relaxed.

“Jarvis only shows him my back.”

“Okay.” 

“I wanted to talk with you.”

Tony nodded.

“I… I’m sorry.”

Tony raised an eyebrow. Natasha didn’t apologize lightly. She seldom did things she was sorry for and even if she did it, the words didn’t mean much to her.

“What for?”

“I was glad when I thought you were dead.”

One of the qualities Tony liked most about Natasha was that she cut straight to the point. She used only as many words as she necessarily needed and wouldn’t sugar coat anything. With people she cared for, she was brutally honest. 

It was the only reason she said those words. There was no other reason for her to tell Tony this. And even more than the logic that told Tony this wasn’t a manipulation or Nat telling him she hated him, was the pain in her voice. The dread and terror in her eyes that broke free and overshadowed even her training.

Reaching out, Tony put one of his hands between hers. She clung to it like a lifeline. Sharp relief fought with what looked like agony. 

Tony waited. There was nothing he could say to this before he had more information about what was going on.

“We saw the video.” 

The one in which Winter had shot his kidnappers and then made it look like he had killed Tony, too.

“I recognized the Winter Soldier.”

Tony wasn’t surprised. Apparently, Winter had shot Nat once when she had protected one of his targets. But he hadn’t killed Nat, even back then.

“I heard of them. Him.”

Of course, she had. And she would have heard what he could do. That they were even more brutal than the Black Widows. 

“I thought you had provoked them to kill you.” She inhaled sharply, her voice wobbling slightly. “That you decided to end it before you could lose.”

Because Nat understood the difference. That choosing to die for what you believed in or for the people you loved meant winning, too.

“You didn’t-”

Nat glared up at him, defiantly. Of course not. She would have never told Steve that. Bruce would understand. Clint might. But Steve? Thor? They wouldn’t understand that it was the same sacrifice as throwing themselves before a bullet.

“Was it your plan?”

Tony looked in her green eyes, still pained and guilty.

“No. But it would have been the next best option.”

Nat exhaled with a shudder, her frame losing some of the tenseness. But her hands were still clinging to Tony with all her considerable strength. 

“I’m glad that you’re alive.” A shuddering exhale. 

“But when you heard from Steve how the phone call ended, you wished I was dead.” Tony said, calmly. 

Nat closed her eyes and lowered her head, as if she wasn’t able to look any longer at Tony. This once, Tony knew it was because Nat was feeling guilty. Like he felt, when they had been on the island, and for a brief moment he had hoped that Steve really was dead, so that he wouldn’t have to suffer.

Getting up, he had to let go of Nat. Even the two seconds made Nat tense again. But telling her wouldn’t be enough. 

Stepping around the kitchen island, Tony touched her shoulder lightly, giving her enough time to move back. To stop this from happening. 

Instead, Nat threw herself into Tony’s arms. Her slender arms clung to him and Tony tried everything to not tense when she pressed down on the bruises around his torso. 

He held her close too, carefully patting her hair. In any other situation she would have killed him dead for it. Right now, she needed the touch like Steve had needed it yesterday. 

Because Tony had broken them. This, all of this was his fault. 

Nat calmed down after a few minutes. Her eyes were dry, as was her face, but he had felt the shudders.

She looked up at him with an open expression he had never seen before on her face. It was the only reason he didn’t stop her when she put one hand on the hem of his shirt and pushed it upwards to show her the purple bruises.

Her face darkened and her sharp eyes snapped to Tony’s, a storm already brewing in them.

“Just another nightmare.”

Nat stiffened. “Who?”

Gingerly, Tony pushed her hands away and pulled the shirt down again. “He just had a nightmare.”

“Who?”

Tony didn’t answer.

“Does he know?”

Tony snorted. “Of course not."

“You have to tell him.”

“To make him feel even worse?”

“To make sure he doesn’t hurt you worse next time.” 

Tony smiled. There was his Nat again, full of conviction, a protective fury burning in her eyes. Gone was the self-doubt. The fear that Tony could hate her.

The guilt stayed.

“You’re family, Red, you know that, right?”

Nat blinked. 

Tony’s smile widened. It was the wrong moment, but he would mark the date in the calendar. He had rendered Natasha Romanov speechless. 

“There is not much you could do for me to love you any less.”

Nat blinked again, before a smile slipped on her lips as well. 

“Just because you’re honest here doesn’t mean I’ll forget that you didn’t answer my questions, Tony. But I love you, too. We all do.”

“It’s the only reason I haven’t tried to kill you all already.”

“I know.”

“Good, in that case, tell Steve about it.”

“How is he?”

Tony looked back at her. “He had a rough night.”

Nat nodded, stretched and got up from the chair. “You should get back upstairs. You both need sleep.”

“I’m not sure I can help him much with that.”

Nat turned towards him, something that he would have called bafflement on every other person all over her expression.

“Why not?”

“It doesn’t change that I brought back the body of his best friend who is now a brainwashed assassin, does it?”

For a moment, Nat looked stunned. Then she composed herself, leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Tony’s cheek, like she most often did when they parted in private. 

“You’re absolutely clueless, kotenok, but we still love you.”

Tony knew better than to ask what that was supposed to mean. When Nat smiled that exact smile, she wouldn’t answer anyone. 

Back on his floor, Winter looked him over before pushing him towards the bedroom door after being sure that Tony was fine. (Thankfully he hadn’t inspected Tony any closer, but they had had the  _ no touching without consent _ conversation again. 

Steve was still awake and obviously distraught, so Tony rolled closer to him, giving Steve the opportunity to hold onto him, like he had done the last weeks.

“Is she okay?”

“Are any of us?”

Steve didn’t answer, just exhaled carefully. 

“Are you okay?”

Steve didn’t answer. 

Yesterday, it had helped Steve to hold him close, so Tony pressed his back to Steve’s front. He almost rolled away again, when he felt Steve tense, before he relaxed with a bone deep sigh and put his arm around Tony.

It was good that he fell asleep then and there, because six hours later, he and Helen stood beside Winter, and Tony asked once again if he was sure he wanted to be given a sedative.

“Remember Buttercup, you are allowed to say no. Just tell me to stop, and we will stop immediately.”

“Know.”

Tony hesitated. “Did you say no, like you want us to stop or know, like you know that?”

“Trust you, Tony. Do it.”

Tony’s throat constricted. Why oh why did all these people trust  _ Tony _ ? He wasn’t-

“Okay, Winter.” Helen said, smiling. She wouldn’t touch Winter but was close enough to react if something went wrong.

“I’ll give you the sedative, okay?”

Winter’s trusting eyes found Tony’s and he saw the question and nodded. He trusted Helen. Winter knew that.

“Okay.”

“It will tingle a little and get warm. That is perfectly normal.” She pressed the syringe in his arm and pressed down. 

For a fleeting moment there was panic in Winter’s blue eyes and Tony put his free hand on his cheek. 

“Look at me, Buttercup, you’re fine. You’re okay.”

A minute later he was out like a light.

“How long do we have?”

“Thirty minutes give or take."

They worked fast, Helen not touching Winter or getting too close. They didn’t talk. Didn’t say anything to the construction that Hydra had forced into Winter’s shoulder. They had talked about it. They had said everything already.

Replacing the mechanisms to connect the arm was easy. Tony told himself that over and over again. It was easy. It was easy. It was easy. Sure, the fluids he worked with normally didn’t look like blood. It normally wasn’t a  _ person _ he fiddled with. And if he screwed up – literally – no one but himself got hurt. 

But it was easy. 

Treating what was now again an open wound because Tony had cut and ripped and torn and- 

It was easy. He inhaled calmly. It was easy. Helen was here. He did what he had to. It was easy. 

As soon as he was finished, Helen checked, nodding approvingly. He had made him work on a model half an hour before they started on Winter. And she had made him watch videos. 

It was easy.

Winter got the next dose of sedatives. 

Leaning closer to the shoulder, they checked the wound again. It healed already. And this time, there wouldn’t be small blades cutting into Winter’s flesh every time he moved. The arm wouldn’t weigh him down enough to almost rip his shoulder apart.

When Helen was happy with the healing process, Tony attached the arm. 

Then they waited. Tony sitting right beside Winter, holding his human hand and Helen sitting at the wall, having an eye on both of them.

Winter stirred after almost ten minutes. It took him almost five more to wake up. He blinked blearily into the light, moving his head to look at Tony and smiled dopily.

“You’re alright Buttercup?” Tony smiled down at him, relieved. “Can you move the arm?”

Winter blinked once, moving his arm sluggishly at first, his eyes widening. Tears filled the blue orbs. 

Then, Tony had an arm full of sobbing super soldier, both arms thrown around Tony, pressing down on the damned bruises painfully. 

Also, he couldn’t breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, thank you for commenting and telling me what you think. 
> 
> And yes, once again, I do promise it will get better. It will. Probably soon-ish. 
> 
> Stell safe, stay sane and for the love of god, stay optimistic.


	8. Winter: You are allowed to have opinions even if your taste sucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter has a new arm. And it doesn't hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my amazing readers!
> 
> I struggled with this chapter, but my beta reader made sure I got it back on track! So thanks Justanotherpuff.
> 
> Also she and gl!tch helped me figure some things out. It will be terribly angsty but so much fun!
> 
> Enjoy!

Winter didn’t hurt. 

He had thought not being on the chair meant he wasn’t hurt. Then, he had thought being with Tony meant he didn’t hurt.

Now, he knew that he had still been hurt. Now, there was no pain. No strain on his back and shoulder. No cutting and ripping where metal met flesh. There weren’t the twitches of electrical surges frying his nerves.

Just… nothing. 

Clutching Tony closer to himself, Winter let the tears fall. 

He hadn’t cried before. Not like this. His eyes had leaked because of the chair and he had been punished because of this. 

But this was different. His chest felt all tight. And as if he could finally breathe free. Like the last thing that made him the Asset was gone. Like he wasn't Hydra’s anymore.

Now, instead of something Hydra had put on him and had tortured him with, he had something that Tony had made. Just for him. And it didn’t hurt. It was like proof that he was Tony’s.

But not like he had been Hydra’s. Because Tony cared for him. He had asked and asked again if Winter was okay with it, explaining everything. 

It felt like he was actually… free.

A shudder ran through Winter and he gasped, trying to get air in his lungs.

Warm arms held him close. A hand patted his back. Calm and reassuring.

Winter shuddered again, clinging a little tighter still. 

He was free. 

“Mr. Winter, Sir can’t breathe.” 

It took a moment for Winter to register the words the AI said. He was so overwhelmed. There was no pain. Nothing that was reminding him of all the things his handlers would do to him if he misbehaved. If he failed.

Looking up, Winter blinked the tears out of his eyes and saw Tony glaring at the ceiling. But the machine was right. Tony didn’t breathe. 

He was hurting Tony! 

Winter immediately let go of the man that had just taken his pain away, trying to get as far away from him as he could. He didn’t know yet how strong his new arm was. And he was still feeling the drugs. What if he couldn’t control his strength right now and he injured Tony?

Of course, Tony just grabbed him tighter, not letting go even when Winter moved back.

“It’s okay, Buttercup.” There was a slight wheeze to his words, and he inhaled shakily afterwards, but the smile was warm and calming. “You can hug me, just let me breathe, okay?”

But what if he didn’t know when it would be too hard? What if he hurt him by accident? What if-

“Breathe, Buttercup. Nothing happened. I’m fine.”

Was he fine? He always said that, even if he was hurt.

Could Winter have hurt him just now? Would Tony even tell him if he had?

“Come on, Buttercup, deep breathes, you’re worrying me here.”

Winter shook his head. He didn’t want to worry Tony. 

“Are you okay?”

Winter nodded. Even if it wasn’t right. Because he wasn't okay. He was… he didn’t have words for what he was. There was no pain. There was not even discomfort. He could feel where metal met flesh, but… it didn’t hurt. 

He was good. He was feeling good.

“In that case: first trial run. Hug me.” Tony hadn’t let go for a second and now, he pushed his body even closer. 

For a second Winter wanted to flat out refuse. What was Tony thinking? What if Winter really hurt Tony just because-

“It’s okay Buttercup. I’ll tell you if you’re hurting me.”

“As you always do, Sir.” The AI’s voice was hard and cutting.

Glancing at Tony, he saw the death glare Tony sent to the video camera in the far corner.

“I would. Of course, I would. Don’t listen to the sour patch, Buttercup. Hug me.”

Winter obeyed. Because it had been an order. And because he wanted to hug Tony. He also trusted Tony and the amazing machinery that was part of his body, reacted as good, if not better than the old arm. And didn’t hurt.

Not at all.

Embracing the other man, he was very careful to not press down too hard on his fragile body. When Tony hugged him tighter, he too, tightened the embrace a little bit, feeling the warmth of the other body even in his metal arm. 

And it didn’t hurt.

“Is there something I need to know?” The doctor asked pointedly, her sharp eyes on Tony, when he finally had let go of Winter.

“No.”

“Yes.”

Winter didn’t know if he trusted the AI yet. But he knew he didn’t trust Tony when it came to deciding whether or not he was healthy.

“Shut up, Jay. I’m fine. This is about Winter.” Without waiting for a reaction, Tony looked back at Winter. “Are you in pain?”

He shook his head. There were too many emotions for him to put into words. He was relieved. He was not in pain. And he was still a little worried he might have hurt Tony. And something was wrong. Something Jarvis obviously knew but wasn’t allowed to say.

“Are you sure? You were crying.” The words were calm and his expression understanding. Tony still stood close to Winter, as if to make sure Winter was okay. 

Winter nodded, again. He was better than good. He was feeling… nothing unpleasant. He hadn’t even known that there had been something hurting him the whole time. Pain had just been a part of his life. And after escaping Hydra, after learning and being Winter for a while… he had thought he was as good as he could be.

And now, he didn’t feel any pain.

Tony kept frowning as if he was unhappy. Or didn’t believe Winter when he said he was fine. As if Tony could be a judge of that. But Winter could see the worry in the brown eyes. The tight skin around them. Tony was afraid for him. 

“No pain.” His voice was rough. Even rougher than usual. And there was something in it. Wonder? Hope?

“Not anymore. Didn’t know.”

Tony kept close watch of his eyes. After a few moments a brilliant smile blossomed on his face, eradicating any signs of stress and worry.

“That is good, Buttercup. Let’s test your new arm!”

It took almost two hours, in which he did a lot of movements and Tony ran scans. He explained everything he did, as did the doctor, who tried to talk to Tony two more times, which Tony ignored pointedly.

She stopped after that. Winter was almost sure that was not a good thing. But Winter knew there wasn’t much she could do. And he couldn’t do anything either. He observed Tony closely, searching for any indicators that he was hurt, but Tony moved normally. His shoulders were a little stiff and sometimes he stopped in movements as if not to burden his ribs too much, but he had worked more the last two days than he had in weeks. He could be sore.

Or Winter had hurt him when he hugged him. Maybe he had bruised him? Not even Tony would hide bruised or broken ribs. And Winter knew that Jarvis, the machine, would know if he was seriously hurt and would tell the Colonel. Tony had explained that to Winter before. The Colonel was one of Tony’s and Tony was one of his, and he would never risk Tony. That meant he was okay, right?

“Now to the next test!” Tony said, swivelling on his chair. “Jay, tell Cap and Thunder-Boy to come to the gym.”

They had a short lunch break that Tony wanted to object to but stopped, when Jarvis reminded him that Winter needed food after the operation. They met the Captain and Hawkeye in the kitchen. The archer was eating a sandwich with Nutella and liver sausage. He offered some of it to Winter with a challenging smile, while Tony and the Captain were talking quietly at the other side of the room. 

The other super soldier hadn’t been happy that Tony only allowed Dr. Cho into his workshop while doing maintenance on his arm. 

Winter had learned that Hawkeye wouldn’t kill him, but he liked to play pranks. Judging by the hidden smile, this was a prank. It was the first one the archer tried to play on him. Which meant he didn’t hate Winter anymore? Because Tony had explained that Hawkeye only played pranks on them because he liked them. And, in his words  _ Birdbrain is just crazy, but if he does prank you, don’t kill him. _

He wouldn’t. 

Taking the sandwich from the other man, he didn’t hesitate to take a bite. It didn’t taste good. But it was food. So he ate it, without showing any indication on his face that he knew what was happening.

“CLINT!”

Winter and Hawkeye flinched when Tony was suddenly beside them, glaring at the archer.

“He just stopped trying to shoot you, for fucks sake! Winter, you don’t have to eat that!”

Winter shrugged unconcerned. “Edible.”

“Yes, of course, he wouldn’t hurt you.” Tony said, looking earnestly, before glaring daggers at the archer again. “But that sandwich is disgusting and he tried to-”

“I happen to  _ like _ that! I just wanted to be nice!”

The Captain, who had followed Tony over, crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked down on the archer. 

“Fine, I’ll stop being nice. Here I was, trying to welcome our newest ex-assassin and you-”

“Was okay.”

That stopped whatever Tony had been about to yell at his fellow Avenger. He turned towards Winter, looking as if he had lost his mind.

“He made us all eat it. It’s disgusting.”

“Had worse.”

“Oh, come on!” Hawkeye whined. “It’s no fun if you make it depressing!”

“Shut up, Clint. Take your disgusting sandwich and-”

“Hey!” Clint held up his index finger, pointing it dramatically to the sheet of paper pinned to the fridge with the different rules. “ _ You are allowed to have your own opinions. _ ” He quoted.

“Let’s change it, then.” The Captain stepped forward, taking the pen and changing it to  _ You are allowed to have opinions even if your taste sucks. _

After lunch Winter spent the next four hours training with the Captain and Thor, while Tony sat on a mat, a StarkPad on his knees and mumbled to the AI.

His new arm worked like a dream, not that Winter had thought it wouldn’t. But it was even better than he had dreamed it could be. He would have to get used to being able to move that much smoother. Faster too.

And without any pain.

He would have to get used to not being in pain. But he thought that would be easy. Just thinking about it made his lips twitch.

“Is that a smile Buttercup?” Tony asked, sporting a teasing one himself.

Winter nodded; his expression safely hidden behind his mask. 

Tony looked proud about it. That made Winter’s lips widen even more.

After showering, and a check-up by Tony, who took pictures and sent them to the doctor, Winter decided to bake. 

And he still didn’t feel any pain.

He felt good. Light. Not just because of the arm, although he had to be careful to not use too much force. But light as if stones had been lifted from his shoulders. As if he could finally breathe right.

While he baked more muffins (vanilla-raspberry), Tony was down in the workshop, starting a new project he had said. But Winter was allowed to check in with Jarvis. And he was allowed to call Tony. And to come downstairs to the workshop to make sure Tony was fine.

He hadn’t done any of it by now (almost an hour now) because Tony was fine in his workshop. He had seen him there, buzzing around, but not doing anything dangerous. There hadn’t been any sign of him being in pain. And the AI had an eye on him. And an Avenger would most likely have checked in with him by now.

It was also a rule. Winter didn’t like that rule very much, but Tony had said he couldn’t always follow Tony around. He could when Tony was fighting as Iron Man. And they hadn’t finished their discussion on whether or not Winter would follow Tony when he was going outside, but in the Tower, Tony had said he couldn’t. Not all the time.

Because of that Winter could bake right now. And he liked baking. But he wasn’t with Tony. Winter really wasn’t sure what he thought of it.

He filled the cupcakes into the small forms without feeling every movement ripping at his flesh. Baking was even more fun, now.

“Mr. Winter?”

His head snapped up, already alarmed. The AI normally didn’t talk to him.

“Sir is fine, but I have to inform you that he managed to hit himself in the head with a wrench.”

Winter growled. Tony had hurt himself?

“There will be no lasting damage.”

Winter hesitated. He wanted to go to Tony, but he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to.

“You may go to the workshop but Captain Rogers is already on his way.”

Just a couple of days ago, that would have been even more reason to grab a weapon and run downstairs. But the Captain wouldn’t hurt Tony. And he would get him upstairs to make sure he was fine, wouldn’t he?

The Captain would take care of the careless genius. And he knew how to handle his strength, wouldn’t he? Tony had shown Winter the numbers, even though they meant nothing to him, and explained that his new arm wasn’t stronger, but he could use it more effectively. Which meant until he knew how to use it correctly there was the danger of Winter hurting Tony without wanting to.

Looking up at the camera, he raised an eyebrow.

“I do not presume to be able to read you like Sir does, Mr. Winter, but I do not believe he needs your assistance as of right now.”

Winter hesitated a second before nodding. The machine could potentially be a terrible enemy if someone would be able to hack it, he wouldn’t know until it was too late, but Tony had said he had worked on his defense systems. Making them better. And Tony had made his arm that didn’t hurt.

When the elevator doors opened a couple of minutes later, Winter just put the next batch of muffins into the oven.

“-bleeding, Tony!”

Winter stiffened.

“For fucks sake, Steve, I slipped with the-”

“You almost brained yourself with a damned wrench!”

“I didn’t-”

They stepped around the corner and Tony yelped when Winter was there already, his eyes zeroing in on his forehead where the Captain pressed some bunched-up paper towels to it.

Winter looked up at the Captain, who almost glared at him.

“Hey Buttercup, it smells heavenly in here.” Tony smiled, not at all disturbed by the blood trickling down one side of his face while the Captain tried to stop the bleeding.

“Don’t worry about this, I-”

“Tony!” The Captain growled dangerously, and Winter almost surged forward. He was stopped by the calming expression on Tony’s face.

“Will you stop freaking out-”

“I’m  _ not _ freaking out!”

“Aha.”

Winter had never before heard someone sound as unconvinced as Tony in that moment. As blood was still trickling down his face and the paper towels were already soaked through, Winter thought the Captain’s reaction was more appropriate than Tony’s. As far as Winter was concerned, Tony never reacted appropriately to his own juries.

“Doctor.”

Both Steve and Tony looked back at Winter, who, after neither reacted, looked up at one of the AI’s cameras.

“I’m contacting Dr. Banner.”

“Jarvis!” Tony spat.

The Captain’s shoulders relaxed some, as if he had wanted to call for him, too. Why hadn’t he? Just because Tony would glare at him?

“Dr. Banner will be here shortly.”

“Winter, you don’t-”

“Hurt.”

“It’s just a-”

“Head wound, Tony! Your head is bleeding, and you just recovered from-”

“I’m fucking fine!”

Winter raised an eyebrow at the blood-soaked man in front of him.

“No!” Tony raised his index finger and stabbed Winter with it. “I’m f-”

Winter growled at Tony, annoyedly, which made the Captain stiffen and Tony glare even more.

The elevator door opened before any of them could do anything and Dr. Banner stepped out. He glanced at them, before sighing deeply.

“What happened?” He asked, calmly.

“Nothing”

“He hit himself with a wrench.”

“It was an accident!”

“I see.” Dr. Banner stepped closer, shouldering a medical bag. “Come on, Tony.” He walked around the other man and went into Tony’s bedroom.

Mumbling fiercely, Tony followed, but not without shoving the Captain a little when he wanted to follow. He also closed the bedroom door in his face. 

The Captain stopped before the door, hands balled, as he forcibly exhaled. Turning around, he met Winter’s eyes. 

“Where were you?”

Winter took a step back. 

“Captain Rogers.” The voice of the AI was sharp, but nothing compared to the Captain’s voice.

“Sir explained to Mr. Winter that he is not allowed to follow Sir 24/7 around the Tower.”

Winter wanted to nod but didn’t. His eyes flickered for a heartbeat to one of the cameras before settling back on the Captain. This was the first time the AI spoke up to protect him.

Just like that, the other super soldier deflated, the fury on his expression morphing to fear and exhaustion. He inhaled slowly, before almost rubbing his face with his blood smeared hand.

“I’d suggest you go down to your floor to clean up, Captain.”

Said Captain sagged a little more before he nodded. He was almost at the elevator when he turned around to look at Winter. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… You don’t know that, but we stay close to Tony when he gets… like this. It means he isn’t concentrating enough and hurts himself because of it.”

Winter scrunched up his forehead. Tony had told him he couldn’t do that. Winter had seen that something had happened with Tony. He appeared to be more in his head. Like he was concentrating on too much at the same time. 

“He doesn’t know we’re doing it.”

That explained some of it. But lying was bad and that was kind of lying, wasn’t it? 

Before he could find out whether or not he would be able to ask that, the Captain stepped into the elevator and left. 

People were confusing. 

Winter turned back to his muffins and got them out, when the timer beeped. It felt good to do something that made other people happy. Like Tony. He always was happy with the muffins Winter made. 

And now, it didn’t hurt at all to reach for the oven. Or to mix the frosting. Or decorating them. It just didn’t hurt. 

Tony, sporting a small bandage on his forehead, really was fine. Dr. Banner ushered both of them downstairs to the common floor, where everyone else had gathered. 

Winter, of course, took the muffins with them. And Tony said they were delicious. Even though he preferred the blueberry ones.

Although Tony didn’t speak to the Captain, he sat down beside him and let the other man make sure he really was fine. Winter observed that from the kitchen island, not sure what it meant but cataloguing it along with all the other anomalies. 

“If they don’t get their shit together, I  _ will _ tell them.” Hawkeye breathed, barely loud for Winter to hear. He was already eating his second muffin.

“No, you won’t.” The Widow answered, calmly. Although Winter would have said there was also annoyance in her tone. 

“They are sleeping together, Nat. What else do they need? Neon signs?”

“Steve is close to his breaking point.”

Winter frowned, looking back at the Captain. Sure, he had been a little unstable, but he seemed to get better, not worse. If anyone was getting to a breaking point it would be Tony, wouldn’t it? 

“And Tony?”

The Black Widow sighed. 

“Fucking hell, how can someone so smart be  _ this _ dumb?” The archer hissed.

The Widow looked at him, and even Winter, who wasn’t the recipient of that look, stiffened. There was a protective fury in her eyes that he wouldn’t want to challenge if he could avoid it. 

Hawkeye faltered under the gaze, whining. “But it doesn’t make sense. He  _ knows _ -”

“Does he?”

The archer stopped, something dawning on his expression, his sharp eyes settling on Tony.

Not knowing what was happening, Winter followed his gaze. It was just Tony, sitting beside the Captain, talking with Thor, who was making sure Tony was fine.

“Fucking idiot.” Hawkeye breathed, but it sounded sad, not angry. Without saying another word, the spy moved forward, his expression changing to one of relaxed joy. He sat down beside Tony, hugging him to his side while making him decide where they would order their food from. Because Dr. Banner insisted that they couldn’t survive on Winter’s muffins even if there was fruit in it.

“Did Steve tell you about the  _ Genius-Alert-Protocol _ ?”

Winter looked back at the Widow. She hadn’t moved closer. Good. 

He shook his head.

“Tony gets distracted from time to time and hurts himself, because he… isn’t cautious enough.”

Winter snorted.

It earned him a slightly softening of her eyes. 

“Whenever he gets more erratic, obsessed or distracted, we keep a close eye on him. It doesn’t prevent all injuries but some.”

Winter nodded. He understood that. But Tony had said he couldn’t… not all the time. But sometimes. Was that how they did it? They took shifts to protect Tony from himself? He glanced towards Tony before looking back at the Widow and the slight smile on her lips told him he had come to the right conclusion. 

He nodded.

“Good.” She nodded at him once, approvingly and took a muffin, before going the long way around the kitchen island. Unceremoniously, she pushed Hawkeye back some before she sat down between him and Tony.

They had just finished with their dinner, something Winter hadn’t eaten before, but it had been good, and he was thinking about whether or not to put his mask back on, when the AI said, that Miss Potts was calling.

“Pepper, light of my life-”

“The press conference is tomorrow, Tony."

“What?” The Captain asked, but Miss Potts ignored him.

“Our lawyers are already on the case, but we  _ need _ to shut them up.”

“How bad is the new one?” Tony asked, calmly, even if Winter could see that he had tensed considerably. Everyone saw it. The Captain, unconsciously pressed closer to Tony, worries written all over his face.

Winter leaned a little forward, his eyes wandering over everyone in the room. Tony knew what was going on. So did the Black Widow. Dr. Banner and Hawkeye seemed to have an idea. Thor and Steve had no idea, like Winter.

“They dragged the victim’s families into it.”

Cold rage settled on Tony’s face. His warm eyes froze into something hard and cutting.

“Get them, Pepper.”

“I will, you damn well know, I will. Jenny is already on it. But you have to get this under control.”

“When tomorrow?”

“Nine am.”

“Everything is set up?”

“I just sent you a file with all approved questions. Jenny has organized everything and-”

“I know how to-”

“No.” There was anger in her words. And worry. And desperation. “This is different.”

The air in the room shifted. All of the Avengers were instantly more worried. Winter didn’t know what was happening but it wasn’t good. It was bad and he didn’t know what to do.

“Pepper, I’ve done worse.” Tony’s voice was warm again, soothing. But his expression was pinched, as if he was pained. 

She scoffed. “I’ll be there.”

“You don’t have to-”

“Yes, I do. I’ll be there.”

Something like relief settled in Tony’s eyes. 

This was bad. Something was wrong. 

“See you tomorrow then.”

“Don’t be late.”

“Would I ever-”

“Steve, make sure he is on time.” Miss Potts ordered, before disconnecting the call. 

Tony sighed, before leaning heavier against the backrest.

“What just happened?” Hawkeye asked, his hard eyes on Tony. If Winter had to guess, then he would say that the archer had a good idea what had happened and wasn’t happy about it.

“What press conference, Tony?” The Captain sounded angry. And worried. 

That was something Winter could understand. He too felt worried. And angry. Because Tony was hurting or didn’t want to do what Miss Potts wanted and he shouldn’t if-

“Don’t tell me you don’t know what they are writing about me right now.” Tony said, raising an unimpressed eyebrow. “They finally stopped dragging the Avengers into it, but-”

“It’s all bullshit.” Hawkeye bit out.

Winter let his gaze wander over all of them. They were furious. They all looked ready to fight. Like they had an enemy. But there was also frustration. And worry. As if they couldn’t fight. Winter didn’t understand.

“Is it? I didn’t protect my Tower. Twenty of  _ my _ employees died because of an Hydra attack against  _ us _ . I wasn’t at their funerals. I haven’t given any interview, haven’t been there when my company was attacked, haven’t been there when my city was crawling with Hydra agents! Of course, people start thinking I was involved, or don’t care, or-”

Winter growled. As did Dr. Banner.

How could anyone think Tony didn’t care? Tony, who had helped  _ him _ after Winter had kidnapped him! Who had built him a new arm that didn’t hurt? Who loved his kid like nothing else and was fiercely protective of everyone he met? 

“Tony-” The Captain started, anger and frustration in his voice.

“You know it’s what they think, Cap. Hell, they write it everywhere and-”

“These people do not have honour!” Thor growled. “Besmirching yours, Anthony, I-”

“Press conference?” The Black Widow prompted; her eyes set on Tony.

“Yeah. Easiest to get our story out.” Tony said. Unease in his expression.

Something was wrong.

“What have you planned.” She asked, coldly. Dangerously.

Tony hesitated for a heartbeat. “One on one tell it all.”

Every expression darkened. Except Tony’s. He just looked defeated. 

Winter wasn’t sure what that meant. But it was clear it wasn’t good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always: I freaking love all of your comments! And thanks for indulging me!
> 
> Stay safe, sane and optimistic!


	9. Steve: You are allowed to make your own (stupid) choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve gets in an almost fight with Tony. He does get into a fight with Winter. And then they still have to survive the interview.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone,
> 
> I'm not sure what happened, but this chapter Steve was very stubborn and did what he wanted. 
> 
> Thanks to Justanotherpuff for her help on this chapter!
> 
> Enjoy!

“What are you going to tell them?” Steve asked, trying for his voice to be calm. 

Tony hadn’t said anything more, just gotten up and left the common living room. Winter had been right behind him, his shoulders tense.

Steve hadn’t moved from his place on the couch, trying to force himself to give Tony some time. He _knew_ Tony wouldn’t talk if he didn’t want to. But Steve needed to know what all this was supposed to mean and-

That had been the moment Nat had sent him to go after the genius, promising the rest of them would make sure they would clear everyone involved, get intel about the location and make sure it was secure as well. 

Steve had just nodded and followed his genius up to his (their? No. _His_!) floor. 

Standing in front of Tony now, he had to fight himself to not cross his arms in front of his chest. He didn’t want to appear angry (although he was) or defensive (even if he might feel like it).

“Whatever is necessary.” Tony answered. His expression was a calm mask.

Steve hated it. 

“What does that mean?”

“What do you think?” Tony challenged. “I will tell them everything they need to know to stop harassing my employees and the Avengers.”

Steve bit down on his first response. Tony knew how to rile him up. He knew how to press all of Steve’s buttons and he obviously preferred a fight over actually talking about all of this right now. 

Why else wouldn’t he have told Steve about this? Sure, Tony had the most experience talking with the press, but Steve could do it too. Especially since some assholes seemed to think Tony had started the coup himself and now tried to play it like Hydra was behind it. 

Steve had seen the last few minutes of a conversation on Fox News in which they had obviously discussed whether or not the Hydra uprising had been a failed coup of Tony Stark to take over the world. The news casts could be glad Steve wasn’t inclined to leave Tony alone right now, or he would have found them and made it unmistakably clear how fucking insane that idea was.

Most news thought that Tony was somewhere dead drunk, not caring either way what happened to his company and employees – ridiculous. Some asked whether or not he was on a secret mission – as if Tony could hide who he was. Everyone knew Tony Stark! – or badly hurt. Some even speculated that Tony had died. 

The internet, even though Steve tried to stay away as much as possible, was a battle ground on its own. There were two main sides regarding Tony where the first declared Tony Stark to be, if not the anti-Christ at least Satan himself. With them that disgusting discussion about _Tony Stark's failed attempt to take over the world_ was very popular. 

As if Tony would fail if he ever did attempt to take over the world. Jarvis alone would be enough to destabilize most governments. And there was no way Steve could say with any kind of certainty that the Avengers wouldn’t help Tony. 

That faction also criticised the Avengers heavily for not taking greater actions. For not protecting them better. (There was also a faction that declared loudly that Hydra should have won and that they were fighting the good fight. Steve didn’t think about them. Every time he did think about them, he broke something.)

The opposing side were fans of the Avengers and Tony Stark who either thought he was working from the shadows or was badly hurt. 

Steve hadn’t checked it, but there was a big chance all of this had plummeted Stark Industries stock value. Not that Tony wouldn’t be able to get it back on track with just one new invention. 

Still, it all must weigh on the genius. And he hadn’t said a word. Not to Steve, and apparently to no one aside from Pepper Potts. Which was good, of course, he had to talk with his CEO about this. 

But why didn’t he tell Steve? 

“We’re a team, Tony.”

“We are? I didn’t know that! Thanks for the info, Cap.” Tony turned around, dismissively, and it took Steve some breathing exercises to not react like he wanted to. 

Tony was still healing. He had been put through hell again and he had been strong for all of them when the Avengers had been broken. Steve could be strong for Tony. Right now, that meant not screaming at the infuriating man. 

“I want to help, Tony.”

“I know you do, Cap.”

It took some effort to not just grab the genius and force him to look at Steve. Breathing again, he followed the other man into his bedroom, flexing his hands at his sides.

Winter, who seemed to be between panic and attack mode, followed them closely, his eyes jumping between Tony and Steve, but not getting close to the genius, as if he was afraid, he could set Tony off.

“What can I do?”

“Nothing. Drop it.” There was a warning in his words that Steve should listen to. Tony’s weapon of choice were always words and by now, Steve had learned to hear the warning signs. 

He still chose to ignore it. He was stubborn like that.

“No.”

Tony didn’t answer but Winter looked closer to panic now.

“By all intents and purposes, you’re going to war tomorrow.”

Tony didn’t react. But as he was literally just picking his battle armour for the next day, there was nothing he could say to the contrary. 

It had taken some time for Steve to realize that Tony hated to wear suits. (That could have something to do with the fact that Steve wasn’t able to concentrate properly whenever he saw Tony in a well-tailored suit.) Along with his sunglasses they made the armour he put on when he couldn’t fight in the Iron Man suit. 

And Tony could make it look effortless. The way he shut up paparazzi. The way he turned questions on their heads. The way he could command a room.

But Tony hated it. And he hated the persona he was playing when he stepped in front of the press. Steve did, too. Tony was so much more than what he let the world see. Yes, he could be reckless, and he thought he was the most intelligent person in the room, and he could be obnoxious and downright unpleasant if he wanted to be. 

Whenever Tony was reckless, he had a plan (mostly plans that could get him killed, but a plan) to save lives.

Normally, he was the most intelligent person in the room.

When he was obnoxious or unpleasant it most often had a reason, for example that he was frustrated because people didn’t understand something when it was so glaringly obvious to him. 

Or he hated you. In that case, brace yourself because you wouldn’t know what hit you. Steve knew. He had been hit a couple of times with the force of nature that could be an angry Tony Stark – and that had left him reeling for days.

What most of the world didn’t see though, was that he was so much more than that. He was gentle and kind and caring. And right now, he was a self-sacrificing idiot that just needed to open his eyes to see he didn’t have to shoulder everything on his own!

Tony still didn’t acknowledge him, picking out a watch, a tie and a pair of sunglasses. 

Steve wanted to go over to him and shake some sense into the genius. He knew that Tony trusted him and all of the Avengers. He did. Trust wasn’t the issue here. Even though to Steve it very much felt like it. 

Why didn’t Tony understand that they would do as much for the genius as he would do for them? Why couldn’t he see that?

“Tony.”

He didn’t react. He didn’t turn, didn’t tense. It was as if Steve didn’t exist.

Frustrated anger started to boil in Steve – and he knew he had to leave. Right now.

Turning on his heel, he turned towards Winter, who looked almost afraid. “I’m going for a run. Care to join me?”

Winter’s blue eyes fixed on Tony’s back, obviously unsure what to do. 

“Go with him, Winter, it will do you good.”

Steve bit down on his tongue. So, he could answer when it was about Winter? 

Not chancing it to say something he would regret, he left the bedroom, heading for the elevator. Winter followed him. 

When the door closed, he instructed Jarvis to keep an eye on Tony and to have Bruce and Thor on standby, the most likely of the Avengers to be able to handle Tony in that particular mood. 

On his floor, which he used mostly as a storage unit by now, he changed into running clothes and lent some to Winter as well, before taking the ex-assassin out of the Tower for the first time, since… since that fight almost two weeks ago. 

Winter settled into Steve’s tempo without complaint. They were lucky that it was after 11pm right now or they would have probably been a public nuisance.

Focussing on the running – and keeping an eye on Winter, who had left his mask behind to blend in – Steve tried to calm down.

Unfortunately, that was impossible while running beside his… beside Winter. Who had, a lifetime ago, been Steve's best friend. His brother. His whole life after his mother died. 

Bucky, who had never coddled Steve – if he didn’t want to annoy him. Bucky, who had been there for all the lows of his life, who had stood beside Steve and believed in him. Who had helped him without ever asking for anything in exchange. 

His brother, who Steve had failed. Not only hadn’t he been able to keep his _family_ safe, he hadn’t even looked for Bucky. He had just assumed that he must be dead, not thinking for even a second, that Zola could have done something to him. That there had been a chance that he could have survived. 

Instead, he had taken the first opportunity to follow him. And for what? He had woken up almost 70 years in the future, he had failed to destroy Hydra, had actively _worked for them_ , even if unknowingly. And he still hadn’t looked for his brother. He had _felt good_. Settled. Had fallen in love. All while Bucky… while what remained of him had been used as a mindless killing machine. 

While he had been tortured day in and day out, Steve had sat down with his team and watched movies.

While Bu- Winter had been used like a tool, Steve had dreamed about more. Like he deserved anything. Like what he had wasn’t already too much.

Instead of at least having learned anything, he failed Tony again and again. He lied to him, hurt his feelings and used the one he loved for his own comfort. 

What did Tony do after being failed by Steve? After being kidnapped and hurt by people Steve should have stopped long before any of them were born? He saved himself. He found what remained of Steve’s brother, cared for him and brought him back to Steve. 

And when anyone else was broken and failing, the genius held them together. Even if he should have been the one broken. Even if he should be the one needing comfort. And he did. Steve knew he did.

But what did he do when Tony expressed some of his feelings? He left. Because he couldn’t keep his anger under control. 

Why the fuck should Tony love him? Why should he even care for him? Steve had failed him as a team leader and as a friend.

Steve prided himself on being honest. He prided himself on doing the right thing and fighting for the right reasons. He was a fucking hypocrite.

Something cold grabbed his wrist and, without thinking, Steve lashed out, turning in his movement and attacking. 

His punch was blocked and Winter, instead of giving him space, stepped even closer, a low growl escaping his lips. 

Knowing full well that this wasn’t about Winter, that he, even if he had hurt Tony, wasn’t to blame, Steve pushed him back. He had been too close, too threatening.

He was in the body of his brother. 

He had been Hydra.

He had taken Tony. 

He had hurt Tony. 

He had made Steve believe Tony was dead.

Steve snapped.

Throwing himself forward, he swung his fist, just for the Winter Soldier to sidestep him. Using his momentum, he turned in a circle, kicking at the Soldier and grazing his knee with enough force to make the assassin stumble. 

Forcing his advantage, Steve followed it up with a hit. And another. And another. 

He didn’t hold back. He didn’t pull his punches. 

He didn’t even think anymore. 

In front of him was the Winter Soldier. The one he had to defeat to make sure Tony was safe. 

In front of him was a Hydra agent. One of the ones who had taken Bucky away and tortured him. 

In front of him was a nameless enemy. Someone who _deserved_ all the rage and frustration that clawed at Steve, that suffocated and burned him up from the inside. 

Hit after hit after hit. 

Exhaustion crawled into Steve’s limbs. Coldness had settled over him in a blanket. Numbness made it all bearable. 

Steve stopped, breathing heavily. 

Winter lowered his arms, looking calmly at Steve. Not judging.

Steve breathed, his head turned to the side, not looking at the _victim_ he had just attacked. Too numb to feel anything beside the exhaustion.

“Okay?” The raspy voice of Winter asked.

“No.” It was barely more than an exhale.

“Tony?”

Because Winter knew Tony made anything better. Because the genius would break himself to keep his own safe. Because he knew? 

Steve looked up, into the unfamiliar blue eyes. Did Winter know how Steve felt about Tony? Did he-

“He help.” 

Steve exhaled harshly. “I know.”

“Back.” Winter took a step into that direction, raising one eyebrow. “Tony need help too.”

Steve clenched his hands into fists, inhaling the cool night air and, just for a moment, stared up at the light polluted sky. Tony needed help. He needed Steve’s help. 

He would help his genius if it was the last thing he ever did. He would never be able to repay Tony for everything he had done for him, but he would try. He would do anything he could. 

And one day, maybe, he would stop being a coward and tell Tony. That he loved him. That he would do _anything_ for the genius. That he would do anything so that Tony would see himself like Steve saw him. To take away all the doubts of what an amazing, kind, brilliant person he was. 

Looking back at Winter, Steve felt better. More centred. Not because he knew what to do. Or how he could ever forgive himself, but because it didn’t matter right now. Tony did.

“I’m sorry.”

Winter just looked at him, almost blankly.

“I didn’t… Did I hurt you?”

Winter huffed. “No.”

“You sure? Tony will kill me if-”

“You’re Tony’s. He not hurt his.”

“No.” A smile tucked at Steve’s lips, beside himself. Winter had sounded derogatory, as if the mere thought of Tony being able to hurt one of his own was just laughable. 

It was. Tony would never. And it wasn’t, because Tony was human. And when he broke, he would hurt others to keep them away, because he thought that was how he could keep them safe.

“You’re right. He wouldn’t.”

Winter nodded, as if satisfied with the answer. Not waiting any longer, he turned and started jogging. 

Steve followed him.

After taking a shower on his floor, Steve hesitated. Would Tony want him to stay here? He made it abundantly clear that he didn’t want Steve near right now. 

On the other hand, Tony pushed people away when he needed them the most.

“Jarvis?”

“How may I help you, Captain Rogers?”

“I… Will it help Tony if I go upstairs?”

Jarvis kept quiet long enough for Steve to almost freak out.

“I cannot answer that question, Captain Rogers without going against my protocols. On a different matter, I wanted to compliment you on your instincts. I must confess they seldom lead you astray.”

“Thank you, Jarvis.”

“You’re welcome, Captain.”

Smiling to himself, Steve got into the elevator that opened the doors long before he reached it.

Jarvis alone was a testimony to how utterly brilliant, kind and _human_ Tony was.

The elevator doors opened on Tony’s floor. Steve was almost surprised. But then, Tony had promised Pepper to be good and tomorrow he would need to bring his A-Game. Still, he had been sure he would have to drag Tony out of his workshop kicking and screaming. 

Opening Tony’s bedroom door, he hesitated. Should he say something? What if Tony was already sleeping?

One glance at the tense body was answer enough. Bracing himself, Steve closed the door behind himself and stepped closer to the bed. 

Should he ask permission to get into the bed? Or would that make this more awkward? Was he here because Tony needed him or because he needed Tony? What if-

“Just get in the damn bed, Rogers.”

That at least answered one of his questions. 

Walking to his side (not his. He didn’t have a right yet to claim a side) of the bed, he laid down beside his genius, looking at his tense shoulders. For all Steve knew, it was because Tony didn’t want him here. And if that was the case he should leave. He couldn’t take liberties with Tony. Could never hurt him. 

But knowing the other man, Steve would have bet everything he had in this world, that Tony felt guilty. 

On the off chance that he read everything wrong, Steve very carefully placed one hand on his shoulder, giving Tony time to move away or scream at him. He didn’t. He tensed a little further, but also pressed into the touch.

Taking all his so-called bravery, Steve moved a little closer and enveloped Tony in his arms. Predictably Tony stiffened, before going lax.

It took another minute before he skidded closer to Steve, pressing his back to Steve’s front.

“You’re not alone, Tony.” Steve whispered, praying to the high heavens that it wasn’t the wrong thing to say. 

The genius didn’t answer, just pressed even closer to Steve.

Not even five hours later, Jarvis told them to get up. 

Another one and a half hours later Tony Stark™ took a seat in one of his City Cars, driven by Happy. It seemed a little smaller than normally as he was pressed between Steve on one side and Winter in civilian clothes on the other.

Nat and Bruce were in another car in front of them. Clint and Thor were in a car behind them. 

Tony was not impressed at all. But as they didn’t have the time for a discussion (fight) about it, he accepted it. Mostly because Pepper would have killed both of them, Steve knew.

On the drive there, Steve had to force his leg to stay still. He was one minute from shaking out of his skin. Not only was Tony outside in the world, which felt a lot more dangerous all of a sudden, but Steve just _knew_ Tony would end up doing something incredible stupid and throw himself on the proverbial sword to protect the Avengers, Winter and SI.

Steve had no idea how he would manage that, or what he could possibly say to sacrifice himself during an interview that would most likely be about his kidnapping and how he managed to warn the Avengers while being held captive (or as close as). But if anyone could manage that it was Tony.

The car stopped in front of an impressively disgusting glass and concrete building. Out in the open. 

“Do you mind?” Tony asked impatiently when Steve didn’t move.

“Wait.”

“For what? This is not a gala, they won’t roll out a red carpet.”

Steve ignored Tony and waited for Bruce and Thor to flank his door, before he got out, shielding the front.

“What the-” Tony started, but didn’t come much further than that, because Winter had stepped out behind him, grabbed his uninjured shoulder and steered him towards the door, Steve, Thor and Bruce shielding him from all sides. 

They had been out in the open for not even thirty seconds, but Steve barely managed to keep his heartbeat down. Actually, he failed.

They didn’t stop until they were far away from the glass wall, still building a barrier between Tony and the world and waiting for Happy, Nat and Clint to join them. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you people? It’s just a meeting. What are you afraid is going to happen?”

“Injury.”

“Death.”

“Another Kidnapping.”

“General calamity.”

Tony glared at all of them, Steve knew, even if he didn’t see it, because he was keeping his eyes on their surroundings. There was nothing suspicious here. Nat and Clint had scouted the building out. Happy and Pepper had made sure no one would be here that shouldn’t be here.

Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something terrible might happen.

After the other three joined them, they moved upstairs. And Steve felt better when the rest of them showed their displeasure almost as clearly as he did when Pepper told them they couldn’t follow Tony into the interview room.

“But you can watch the recording.” 

“Pepper,” Natasha began but Pepper, a fierce woman in her own right, didn’t even let the Black Widow finish.

“No, absolutely not. You either sit down and watch the recording, or you go back home.”

That wasn’t an option and all of them knew that. The low growl of Winter still was almost soothing to Steve. He would have loved to growl as well.

“It’s just Amanda, we know her.” Tony smiled at them, calmingly. Not because he thought this was necessary, but because he knew they all had broken. And now he felt like he had to take care of them. Again.

Steve _needed_ a way to get it through that thick skull of his that they were here for him as much as he was there for all of them. 

Before he could do anything, Pepper had ushered them all into the waiting room with a big screen that, right now, showed a tastefully decorated room with two comfortable looking armchairs. In one sat a woman, around thirty years old, caramel skin a little darker than Tony’s, dark brown locks and clever brown eyes, ruffling through some papers.

A few seconds later, Tony stepped into the room. For just a heartbeat Steve appreciated the way the dark suit clung to Tony, making him look distinguished, in control and utterly stunning.

“Amanda.” Tony stepped forward, kissing the reporter on her cheek. “How have you been?”

“Tony,” the woman smiled up at him. “I’m good. We had a lot of work the last two weeks and now I’m having an exclusive interview with you, so there is nothing I could complain about.”

“Oh, I’m sure there is something, if you think about it.” Tony sat down on his armchair, crossing his legs elegantly as he smiled at the woman. 

Amanda laughed. “Probably, but we’re not here to do that, are we?”

“Pepper said no, so that answer is no.”

“Right.” Her mannerism changed subtly as if she was afraid of the Pepper Potts (smart) or slipped into her professional role. 

“Miss Potts gave me the approved questions. I will try to contain myself. If I ask anything you don’t want to answer-”

“Oh, I think you know what Pepper would do, if you did that.” Tony said, pleasantly.

“Yes. What I meant to say was, that I hope you will let me know if I cross a line.”

“Don’t worry, honey, I will.” 

Steve stiffened, there was a subtle threat in Tony’s voice. All of them had heard it.

“Okay.” Amanda straightened, a bright smile on her face as she turned to the camera. “Hello, my dear viewers. Today I am joined by Tony Stark, Iron Man himself, who promised an exclusive interview to answer the question we’re all dying to know: What happened? Where was Iron Man?” She turned towards Tony, an excited smile on her lips.

“Thank you so much for agreeing to this interview, Tony.”

“No problem, Amanda.” He smiled his media smile, allegedly open and comfortable. “I’m happy to explain what really happened.”

“So, there is more to the story than the public knows?”

Tony laughed, good naturedly. He leaned a little back in the seat, showing himself as relaxed and open as could be expected. No one would see the stress around his eyes. The displeasure in his lips. The dread in the way he kept his hands still. 

“Of course, there is. Not only are some operations still underway, which means of course, that they can’t be public knowledge before they have completed. And you know how it is. Besides the truth there is a lot of misinformation and outright bullshit out there.”

“Such as?”

“My personal favourite is, that this whole mess is my failed coup to take over the world.” He turned his face towards the camera and sharpened his smile. “Let me get one thing straight, everyone. I do not want to take over the world. Hell, I signed my company over to the lovely Pepper Potts the minute I could. What would I do with the world? Make Pepper rule it? She would just make me give it back.”

Amanda laughed and Tony turned back to her, his smile softening. 

“Can I assume you didn’t try to take over the world then?”

“Definitely not, I can’t keep up with my work as it is, just ask Pepper. And I don’t think Cap would very much appreciate it if I went megalomaniac supervillain on his watch.”

“Probably not.”

“Probably not.” Tony agreed with a happy smile.

“As if Cap wouldn’t take over the world if Tony asked him to.” Clint mumbled.

“As if you wouldn’t help.” Nat murmured back.

“If Anthony would decide to take over the world, I do believe it would be in the best interest of the world. I would be honoured to aid him in his endeavour.” 

“That makes Jarvis, Peter of course, Pepper, Rhodes, Cap, me, Thor, don’t lie Nat, you would be totally in and Brucey would never say no to his science bro… I’d say we could do it in a week, five days if we really want it.”

“We could do it in three.” Natasha flashed a dangerous smile to the men around her, before focussing on Tony again.

Steve didn’t comment on it. He knew better than to lie to his teammates. 

“If you weren’t trying to conquer the world, where were you?”

“Kidnapped by Hydra.”

Amanda went still for a heartbeat, her eyes widening. Whatever Pepper had told her, she hadn’t known that. On the other hand, she probably didn’t tell her anything. Who wouldn’t want an exclusive interview with Tony?

“You… you were kidnapped by Hydra?”

“Yes.” Tony moved slightly on his seat, not openly showing feelings, but indicating enough to let people read into it. Steve had been taught by Natasha, Clint and Tony to recognize techniques to manipulate others. And Tony was at least as good as Natasha.

“There was a robotics conference in Germany I was supposed to join. I never made it to the hotel.”

“That…” Amanda visibly tried to keep calm, to focus on the next question while simultaneously not saying something that would get her shut down.

“I’m glad you survived.”

“Me too.” Tony smiled encouragingly at her, rewarding her for her choice. “I must say it wasn’t the best time I ever had. Surprisingly though, it was also far from the worst.”

“You were kidnapped by Hydra!”

“Yes, and they shot me and beat me and forced me to work for them.” He smiled a mean smile, letting his eyes flash dangerously to the camera, before focussing on Amanda again. “I didn’t. They tried to _convince_ me, of course, but the Ten Rings were actually far better in that and we all know how that ended.” 

The reporter stared at Tony for just a moment too long. Steve understood why. Tony’s smile was vicious and victorious. Challenging and calm. It was a dare to everyone out there to try him (Steve would yell at him for it as soon as he could. Without looking around he knew that the others would join. Judging by the movement right beside him, Winter was about to just go over there and possible kidnap Tony again). 

“What happened?”

“They had learned to not give me tools, but still let me use a computer.”

“With internet?”

“Of course not. But I could hack into their private system. Their files were very informative. As soon as I read about their plans and what they had done-” there was the slightest hesitance, a technique beautifully used to show emotions without appearing weak. But Steve was sure that this… this wasn’t an act. For just a heartbeat Tony remembered what he had read. What Hydra had done to- Winter.

“-I knew I had to get the information as soon as I could to the Avengers.”

“How did you do that? Did the Avengers save you?”

“I’m Iron Man. I can save myself.” 

Steve was sure that Tony didn’t mean the cock sure grin to hurt as much as it did. 

Amanda laughed. “Okay, how did you save yourself, then?”

“There was another prisoner there that- Hydra are assholes, we all know that. Terrible close minded people that dared to touch the plans of my ingenious Quinjet and fucked them up. Aside from that, they also employed someone called the ‘Winter Soldier’. An assassin mumbled to be a ghost. I met their newest recruit for that position right in their lovely dungeon.”

“Did he hurt you?”

“He didn’t beat me.” Tony’s words were calm. “Hydra had kidnapped a person whose name will not be made public knowledge. A veteran who had been a Prisoner of War long enough for Hydra to break and brainwash him.”

Tony let his words hang for a moment, looking a little in the distance as if remembering what that person must have suffered. 

Looking to his right, Steve watched Winter’s expression. It was calm. Neutral. He had known. Of course, he had known. Tony would never do anything like that and not talk with Winter about it. 

“Luckily for the both of us, he is just too good for this world. Although he doesn’t remember anything before he was what Hydra tried to make of him, he realized that that life wasn’t what he wanted. When the Hydra goons got a little rough with me, he got us out.”

“What did he do?”

“I’m not going to answer any questions regarding him. As Hydra would have called him the Winter Soldier, we decided to use _Winter_ as his name in any official context. That way we hope to ensure his privacy. I am sure _no one_ would even think about taking that away from a Prisoner of War who served his country bravely.”

“No, of course not.” Amanda said with empathize, leaning a little closer, her sole focus on Tony. “What happened after Winter, can I call him Winter?”

“Yes. He and I had a long discussion about everything I was going to say today and of course, he gave me permission to call him Winter.”

“Okay. After Winter got you both out, what happened?”

“We were still on the run from Hydra, had no money, no phone and, to be honest, I wasn’t looking my best.” Tony chuckled, humourlessly. “By then we knew that Hydra had infiltrated a lot of governments, law enforcement and the military. I had also found obvious signs of a brilliant hacker working for them. That meant we needed a plan before we could do anything. Because of that Winter hid us away for a night.” 

Tony barely said anything, still Amanda was hanging on his lips. Every viewer would. Tony had a way to draw his audience in that was unparalleled. And yes, Steve might be biased, but Amanda wasn’t. Or at least Steve _hoped_ she wasn’t. She better wasn’t. 

“What happened next?”

“I was still shot.”

Amanda’s eyes flashed over Tony as if looking for a bleeding wound.

Tony laughed, not cruelly, but still definitely laughing because of her behaviour. “There is a reason why I haven’t shown my face in the last two weeks. And that reason wasn’t that I was partying or drunk. Although being hopped up on pain meds can be viewed as being drugged.” He winked at her, keeping his composure relaxed, but pressing his right hand to his left side, as if protecting that body part especially.

The eyes of the reporter fixed on that part even though Tony had taken his hand away, seemingly too fast.

“I see.”

She really didn’t. No one did, because Tony was just too good. There was nothing obvious that would betray his half-truths or lies. 

“If we wanted me to survive, and I really wanted that, we had to get some supplies. On our way to an apothecary, we heard about the attack on Avengers Tower and Stark Industries.” His smile faltered. His eyes and expression grew cold and hard. 

“I want to thank Spider Man for protecting my Tower when I wasn’t there to do it myself. He prevented the worst that could have happened.” He exhaled, as if he was in pain, but when he looked up at Amanda, there was fire in his eyes. “I will never forgive myself for what my employees went through because Hydra wanted to get to my workshop after I escaped them. I will never forgive myself for the lives lost.”

The honesty in his voice was exactly that: brutal honesty. And Steve’s heart bled for Tony.

This was the moment he had thrown himself on the sword. This moment. His critics would see it as weakness. As manipulation. As a cheap ploy to make sure the world knew he wasn’t a despicable human being. 

But this, right here, was the real Tony. Exposing his well-guarded heart, taking the blame for the lost lives and opening himself up to attacks.

“I’m gonna kill him.”

Winter already had a knife in his hand when Nat stepped between him and Clint.

Steve just grabbed Winter’s arm and shook his head, his eyes never leaving Tony.

The reporter cleared her throat, before sitting back a little. “I read that SI has made sure that the families were financially stable.”

“They are. But that means very little in the face of losing a loved one. A parent.”

Something just happened. Steve wasn’t entirely sure what, but just for a moment Tony had looked utterly devastated, before his expression closed off again and he leaned back in the armchair, taking a calming breath. 

“What… what happened then?” Amanda asked, carefully.

“We appropriated a phone, and I called the Avengers to warn them. Unfortunately, all I got out was that there were spies everywhere and they needed to be careful.”

“Were you attacked?”

“The hacker used voice and facial recognition to track us and after ten seconds I knew we were fucked.”

“What did you do?”

“We ran.” Tony answered, nonchalantly. 

“At that point you were still in Germany?”

“Yes. We found a home we could break into, and before you ask, yes, the authorities in Germany know about that and I did compensate the family for it.”

Amanda laughed, obviously relieved for the lighter comment. 

“Hydra got uncomfortably close to catching us. That’s the reason we had to wait for a couple of hours before we could move on. In that time, we decided we needed to find out more. Get names, plans, anything we could.”

“Did you fear the Avengers wouldn’t believe you?”

Steve balled his fists at that question and relished that Bruce and Thor growled behind him.

“Oh no, I knew they were already working on their end to get this all under control. But Winter and I were close to a base of Hydra’s with a connection to their private servers. We couldn’t know how fast they would react, whether or not they would fry their network.” He explained almost reasonably. What Tony failed to mention was the blood poisoning he had been suffering from while doing all that.

“As soon as we were sure we wouldn’t be caught the second we stepped foot out of the house, we appropriated another car.”

“I’m guessing everyone whose things got appropriated got compensated?”

“Of course.”

Amanda nodded, as if she had known it all along and smiled encouragingly at Tony to continue the story.

“The base was almost empty. We got all the information we could and then fried the electronics.” A threatening glint entered his eyes and he smiled happily at the woman in front of him. “Before I did that though I sent two messages. One to my best friend Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes and one to the Avengers, making sure that they would get the information they needed whether or not I would make it back.”

Cold ice rushed into Steve’s stomach. Tony had planned everything perfectly to make sure they would be able to fight whether or not he survived. Of course, he had.

“We stole one of the Quinjets they had built from my designs and flew back to the US, where all hell was already breaking loose. As soon as we touched down, we made contact to the Avengers who were already on their way back to the US too and had used their time to organize a world-wide fight against Hydra.”

“So, it was them? We didn’t see the Avengers in the fight.”

“They were coordinating allies across the globe, providing strategies, connections and information.” Tony’s voice was hard and clear. One more word against the Avengers and he would stand up and leave. 

The reporter heard it too. Sitting back, as if to not crowd him, she nodded her acceptance. “And then they joined the fight?”

“As soon as they had made sure everyone else was coordinated, yes.”

“And you didn’t?”

“Well, I was operated on at that time. On our way back to the Tower Winter and I met some Hydra goons, and I did manage to get myself shot again.”

“What?”

“Surprisingly, I’m not bulletproof without the armour.”

“That’s it, I’m really going to kill him.” Clint growled again. 

As everyone else was growling too, especially Winter, not even he reacted to that.

“That is surprising.” Amanda’s tone was cheerful. Her expression was worried.

“Everything after that is either public knowledge or part of ongoing missions that can’t be talked about right now.”

“Yes, I understand.”

Tony smiled at her approvingly with just a hint of dark humour. 

“If I may… What will happen to Winter?”

“That is his decision.”

“Yes, of course, but… will he go home? Will he join the Avengers?”

“He hasn’t decided yet and I encourage him to take the time that he needs to think about it. But if he wants to join the Avengers, he will be a great addition.”

Steve could almost see the fight of the reporter to ask something more, although the phrasing made it more than obvious that Tony had just ended the interview. Her common sense won out and she thanked Tony for his time and wished him a speedy recovery.

Steve was the first out of the room, Winter on his heels. He reached out to open the door to the interview room, when the door almost smacked him in the head. 

Tony looked up at him. His beautiful eyes hollow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little longer, I hope you still like it ;)
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments, I crave them!
> 
> Stay safe, sane (if possible) and I hug you all from afar!


	10. Winter: You’re allowed to cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter learns what happened 16th December 1993.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, 
> 
> WARNING: this chapter is rather heavy. Please read the end note for additional information!

The week after the interview was difficult. Tony, although acting as if nothing had happened, grew distant. Winter saw it in all his interactions. He smiled and made jokes. He was caring for everyone, but something was different. 

Winter didn’t like it. Not at all.

Tony spent more time in his workshop, building and designing.

Winter either baked, trained with the Captain and Thor or watched Tony. 

Whenever he did watch Tony, he was both fascinated by what he could do and worried for the other man. He couldn’t pinpoint it, words escaping him, but something was _wrong_. It was as if Tony tried to hide from something. As if he had to fill his head with inventions and move his hands constantly because he was fleeing from something in his mind.

Winter had listened when the Avengers talked about it. 

They were all worried. Thor and Dr. Banner gave Tony space but offered their company whenever they met him. Dr. Banner seemed to think that something had happened that Tony had to think over. 

Everyone had looked at Winter at that remark, as if he could tell them what was wrong. He had thought about everything Tony hadn’t told them, all the instances he had hurt Tony without meaning to. But he didn’t have the words to tell them. 

Hawkeye kept close watch over the genius from the vents, Winter knew. There actually was a rotation system in place to make sure that at least one person was close to Tony at all times. 

The Black Widow left chocolates for Tony in seemingly random places where he would find them. Winter refused to eat them when Tony offered, having learned already that the Black Widow meant business when chocolate was involved.

The Captain seemed to either be touching Tony nonstop or keeping his distance. That behaviour didn’t seem to follow any logical pattern Winter could see. Even if the constant touching predominated, it made the times where he kept his distance stand out more.

The AI seemed to be consistent in his sass and interference. Still, even he seemed worried.

Just yesterday, Winter had wanted to bring Tony his favourite muffins and the AI had apologized and told him Tony was in an important phone call. Twenty minutes later he had been permitted entry and Tony had looked off. His eyes had been distant, his voice too calm and without any emotion.

The only positive thing Winter could say was that he seemed to settle around the Avengers. The Captain and Thor trained with him daily. Sometimes he ran with the Captain in the morning. There were times when he still looked at Winter like he wanted to apologize or waited for something from him, but he called him Winter and didn’t ask for Bucky.

Thor had started to tell Winter about Asgard. Describing the world and how different everything seemed to be in Midgard. His word for earth. Winter liked to listen to the blond man who seemed to be cheerful more often than not. 

Winter had also observed that Thor had a similar behaviour towards Dr. Banner like the Captain had towards Tony. There were some key differences but still, it was too similar to be a coincidence. 

Until now he hadn’t asked anyone to explain it, but Winter got impatient. He wanted to understand. To find the pattern and reason behind their actions.

Dr. Banner, unlike Tony, seemed to recognize the different behaviour from Thor. As far as Winter knew, he didn’t outright react to it. But sometimes he smiled differently at the god. Not different like Tony would smile differently at all of them. It was all very confusing. 

As an experiment Dr. Banner had let the Hulk out one afternoon so that the beast could make sure itself that Tony was fine, and Winter wasn’t a danger to Tony. Aside from Tony no one had thought it to be a good idea, but all of them had caved under Tony’s big brown eyes. Winter didn’t judge. He understood why they had failed to say no.

He had almost attacked the green giant when he had grabbed Tony to inspect him. But Tony had laughed. The only honest laugh they had heard since the interview. It was good. It loosened something in Winter’s chest.

After putting Tony down on the floor again, Tony had reintroduced Winter and the Hulk, explaining to the giant that Winter was Tony’s friend like Hulk was his friend. Winter wasn’t sure if he liked that comparison. But it was more for the Hulk to understand than anything else. Right?

Dr. Banner offered him tea when they met, something he did with everyone, saying tea was good for them. Winter didn’t like the tea, but he drank it anyway. 

Hawkeye had played another prank on Winter which resulted in him hunting the archer through the Tower. Everyone involved had known that they were playing. Everyone else must have thought it was real. Because of it Miss Potts had made the Black Widow hunt them down. Hawkeye had escaped into the vents while Winter had obediently followed the other assassin. 

Hawkeye had been caught an hour later. 

By that time, Winter had already been halfway to panic. Their punishment, if you could call it that, had been to clean up every last bit of glitter they had spread throughout the Tower. 

And Tony had smiled when he saw the footage. 

The Black Widow was still cautious around Winter, as he was around her. But it seemed she didn’t believe he would snap any minute and kill all of them.

The Captain had asked one night, when they met in Tony’s living room, if Winter wanted to know about Bucky. Winter didn’t know if he wanted to know about that other person. Seeing his indecision, the Captain had promised to tell him if Winter ever wanted to know, smiling a kind of sad smile, before going back into Tony’s bedroom. 

It seemed like the Avengers started to trust Winter. He wasn’t sure why (because they weren’t as reckless as Tony was in that regard). But he was happy because of it. 

Then, last night, everything had gotten worse. Winter had been woken by a scream. He had been out of his bed and out the door before he even knew what he was doing. Storming into Tony’s bedroom he had seen Tony cowering between pillows and blankets. The Captain was trying desperately to talk to Tony.

But Tony hadn’t heard him. 

Winter still saw the terror in the brown eyes, staring through the Captain kneeling in front of him, not touching and pleading with Tony to breathe, to look at him.

Not knowing what to do, or how to help, Winter had stood there, useless.

“Close the door.” The Captain had hissed under his breath. Winter had followed the order, stepping into one of the dark corners of the room, observing.

It had taken almost ten minutes until Tony had been able to speak to the Captain. Refusing point blank to tell him what had happened. What he had seen. Instead, he had left the bed and locked himself into his workshop.

They had waited for hours in front of the blacked-out windows. Not talking, just waiting. The Captain had looked broken. 

Winter had felt afraid again. Like there wasn’t enough air to breathe and as if something heavy pressed down on his chest. 

He wanted to help Tony, but he didn’t know how.

Around noon, the Black Widow had come down to take Steve with her to SHIELD. 

She hasn’t said a word about the situation. Just looked at the glass wall for a long moment, before straightening and ordering the Captain to follow.

Winter didn’t care. He still waited. He would wait until Tony came out. He wanted to help, like Tony helped him. He would protect the other man.

He couldn’t forget that scream. He couldn’t forget Tony’s eyes. His cold voice when he had told them to stay away. That he was fine. 

Winter didn’t think Tony even shot twice and with blood poisoning, the other man had been better than he was right now.

The hissing noise of the opening doors made Winter flinch. He looked up to see whether or not Tony would come out. He didn’t. 

Carefully, Winter walked closer to the door. The AI wouldn’t have opened the door without Tony’s permission, still… Winter was worried. 

Hesitating at the doorstep, he looked inside the workshop. It didn’t look differently. Tony hadn’t thrown anything. Everything seemed to be where it should be in the coordinated chaos that must have a logical order for Tony.

“Come in, Buttercup.” Tony’s voice was off. Something desperate underlaid the words. The following exhale sounded heavy as if Tony had given in.

Tony didn’t give in. He fought. And he won. 

Winter felt the panic creep in and his heartbeat speeding up. 

Walking into the workshop he saw Tony sitting on the couch in the far corner. He looked exhausted, with dark circles under his eyes. His hands clenched into a blanket with comic versions of the Avengers printed on it. 

His robot was by his side, petting his leg.

Every instinct screamed at Winter to run. Something terrible would happen. He knew it. It was in Tony’s eyes. In the agony his expression didn’t hide. In the desperation that clung to him.

“I have to tell you something.”

Winter didn’t want to know it. Whatever it was, he didn’t want to know it. 

Instead of turning around and running, Winter stepped closer, sitting down on the other end of the couch when Tony gestured for him to sit down. 

This close Tony looked even worse.

“You have to promise you’re not gonna run.”

Winter stared at the other man. Why would he run? Protecting Tony was his mission. Sure, he had learned over the last weeks, that he didn’t have to. That Tony would help him do what would make him happy. But being here, with Tony, not being hurt and able to bake made him happy.

Why would he run from that?

He nodded.

“You have to say it, Buttercup.”

Winter froze. Tony had never demanded for him to say anything. Knocking and nonverbal signals had always been enough for Tony. What had changed? What was happening?

Using words got harder the more freaked out Winter was, he had learned. He was almost panicking. 

Forcing himself to push words out was almost painful. But Tony knew. And he needed to hear it still. Breathing like he had learned to breathe when he felt like drowning, Winter pressed on.

“…promise…”

“Thank you.” A shudder ran through his body. His exhale was shaky. And when he looked up at Winter, the agony in his eyes was all consuming. 

Winter wouldn’t have been able to look away if he had wanted to. He wouldn’t have been able to run if he had wanted to. 

“You have to know that  _ nothing _ Hydra made the Winter Soldier do is your fault, Buttercup.” There was conviction in Tony’s voice. Truth. And so much pain.

“You know that, right?”

Tony always said it. The other Avengers had started to say it, too. Winter wasn’t so sure. He understood that Hydra had made him do those things. He remembered vividly how he had not-felt after he woke up from the chair. How it had taken months and weeks for him to start thinking. To like things. To dislike things. But after it started, he had still followed orders. He had taken Tony and killed his driver. 

He had shot Tony.

Wasn’t he responsible for that?

When he nodded, he did it because Tony seemed to be desperate. Winter wanted to help. Lying was bad, he knew, but it seemed to be one of those white-lie-situations Tony had told him about. 

“And you know you’re my friend. You’re family, Buttercup. You know that, right?”

Winter nodded again, this time fast and hard. Yes. Family. He knew. Tony told him so.

He had learned what that meant. Had seen Tony take care of everyone around him and them doing the same. He had seen the way he looked at the Avengers, at Colonel Rhodes, Miss Potts and Peter. 

Tony looked at him the same way. Cared for him the same. He was one of Tony’s.

It didn’t change that his heart was beating fast enough to make him dizzy. That he could actually hear his heartbeat in his ears. That he had to ball his fists to stop his hands from shaking.

Tony inhaled, a broken sound escaping him. He closed his eyes and breathed in the way he had taught Winter to calm down. 

The minutes felt like years to Winter. But when Tony opened his eyes, looking at him with so much desperation that Winter almost choked on it, he wished Tony had kept his eyes closed. 

“Hydra ordered the Winter Soldier to kill my parents.”

At first the words didn’t make sense. As if his brain didn’t want him to understand what it meant. 

Then it hit him. Literally. It felt like the Captain had punched all the air out of Winter.

He had killed Tony’s parents.

He had _killed_ Tony’s parents.

He had killed Tony’s  _ parents _ . 

He had killed  _ Tony’s _ parents. 

_ He _ had killed Tony’s parents. 

The first thing he felt was the cold stone at his back. 

The second thing he felt were the warm arms around him. 

The third thing he felt were the hot tears running down his cheeks. 

Then he heard Tony’s voice. Apologetic. Pained. Whispering calming words. Offering comfort. 

Like he did with Peter. Tony’s kid. 

After Winter had killed his parents.

Winter shuddered in Tony’s arms, biting back a sob crawling up his throat. 

He had seen Tony’s love for his son. Had seen him cling to the kid as soon as he was in reach. How he texted him every other hour, calling him for the smallest thing and sending him pictures of his food so that the teenager knew he ate.

He had seen Peter run to Tony, not caring for the Winter Soldier pointing a weapon at him as long as he could get to his father. He had seen Peter protect Tony. Had seen the _love_ in Peter’s eyes whenever he looked at Tony. His worry. His fear that something could happen to him.

Winter had taken that from Tony. He had-

He froze in Tony’s arms. How could Tony even stand to touch him? Why was he talking to Winter? Why was he trying to comfort him? Winter didn’t deserve any of it! He didn’t deserve any of the good things Tony had done for him. He-

“…when?”

That word hurt more than the chair.

“I… 16 th December 1993.” Tony sounded gutted and Winter wanted to push him away. But he couldn’t touch Tony. He should have never-

“…no…” He choked out. “…when?”

Tony’s arms tightened around Winter. It wouldn’t do anything to Winter. If Tony wanted to hurt him, he had to use his suit. Or weapons. He should. 

“Back in that house when the Asshole ordered me to look at the schematics.” He said it in a soothing tone. As if Winter deserved that tone. 

Winter pressed his eyes closed. Before. Before Tony risked his life for Winter. Before he had offered Winter to become one of his. 

After Winter had shot him. Had he shot his parents too? 

“I’m sorry, Buttercup.” Tony hugged him closer and Winter wanted to throw up. 

“I didn’t… I shouldn’t have told you, I know, I- I’m sorry. I couldn’t. It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have told you. I shouldn’t have- Last night, I…”

Winter felt like he was dying. Like he was back on the chair. He wished he could be. That pain would end, he knew that. And he would forget. He would forget what he had done. What Tony had done for him knowing that Winter had taken his parents.

He was disgusting. Wishing to not know that while Tony was hurting. He had hurt him again. All he did was hurt him.

“I shouldn’t have told you. It’s not your fault. It’s not, Buttercup. It’s Hydra, it’s them and I shouldn’t have told you. I shouldn’t have and I did because I’m selfish and stupid and-“

Winter let out a whine and Tony hugged him even closer. 

“I’m sorry, Buttercup.”

Winter shook his head, violently. Hard enough to knock their heads together.

“It’s okay.” Tony moved back, his hands on Winter’s arms. “It’s okay. You’re safe. It’s okay.” 

It wasn’t. Nothing was okay. He had taken Tony’s parents. He had almost taken Tony from Peter and nothing was okay.

When he looked up at Tony, he smiled at Winter. It was pained and guilty and filled with self-hate, but he smiled at Winter. Because Tony thought he had hurt Winter with telling him what Winter had done to him.

Winter sobbed.

“I’m sorry, Buttercup.” Tony leaned closer, pressing one of his hands to Winter’s chest. “Breathe, come on. In one, two, three. Try again. In one two three. Good, Buttercup, that’s good. Out one, two, three, four. Again.”

Winter followed the instructions. Because Tony wanted him too. 

Because Tony didn’t want the murderer of his parents to die. Because he was  _ good _ in a way Winter would never be able to understand.

“…why…”

Tony looked up at him. Calmer, now that Winter breathed almost normally again.

“I’m not sure. Howard worked with Peggy at SHIELD. He might have been onto something.”

“…no…”

Tony tilted his head slightly. There was still pain and agony. It couldn’t be for Winter. It couldn’t. There was also guilt. It was wrong. Wrong. _Wrong_.

“…why…” Winter growled, frustrated, hating his inability to do anything. To even say what he needed to ask. As if he had any right to need anything.

“It’s okay, Winter. Take your time.”

Winter growled again, heartfelt and guttural. 

Tony didn’t move. He kept close, his warm hands burning Winter through his clothes. His eyes pained but kind. Trusting. How could he?

“… not…kill?”

It actually took Tony, maybe the smartest person on the planet, time to understand what Winter meant. 

“It wasn’t you, Winter. This is not your fault. Their death… It’s not your fault. Hydra killed them.”

“…I…weapon…”

“Yes, but I don’t blame you. It’s not your fault.”

Tony seemed to believe it. Winter couldn’t. 

He had felt guilt before. He had learned it, when he had hurt Tony and didn’t mean to. Every instant. 

But nothing compared to this.

“…hurt you…”

Tony hesitated, before he exhaled heavily. “Yes, losing them so young was hard. But it wasn’t your fault.”

“…Peter…”

Tony frowned. “Even when you were still under their control you didn’t hurt him, Winter. As soon as you got even an inch of choice you chose to not hurt more than you had to.”

“…no…”

“Yes. I know that, Buttercup. You waited for hours to take me even though you could have attacked me while Peter and Happy were with me. You didn’t.”

Winter shook his head. That… that wasn’t what had happened.

“…like Peter…”

“Everyone likes Peter.”

“…no…you…father…”

Understanding lightened up his eyes, before his face fell. He sighed.

“No, my father… Howard… we weren’t like Peter and me. I…” Tony hesitated, before he moved from the crouched positions in front of him to sit beside Winter, his arm pressing against Winter’s flesh one.

“You wanna know a secret only human Jarvis knew, Buttercup?”

Winter didn’t react. Tony didn’t seem to have thought he would. He barely breathed before continuing. 

“When the police told me Howard was dead, I was glad.”

The silence between them was heavy. Winter had no idea how to answer that. Had no idea what was happening.

“Howard was a drunk. He was… he beat me and madre. He… I was glad that I wouldn’t have to suffer any longer. Of course, it hurt. They were my parents. But the worst was to get over the  _ relief _ that I felt when I knew he wouldn’t be able to hurt me anymore.” His words were rushed by now. As if Tony needed to say it. As if he had held back those words for far too long. “Madre was high on pills ever since I can remember. Jarvis raised me. He… he was there. The police told me it was a car accident, that Howard had been drunk.”

Tony moved slightly, pressing closer to Winter.

“He didn’t love me. And I sure as hell didn’t think of him like Peter… like I think Peter might think about me.”

But it had been for others. 

Even if Tony told him the truth, and Winter knew by now that Tony held things back to not hurt others. But even if Tony told the truth, he had still killed his parents.

He had killed more people. A lot more.

Some of them would have had kids who looked at them like Peter looked at Tony.

And Winter had taken that from them. 

When the new tears fell, he leaned forward, pressing his head to his knees. 

Tony’s arm was heavy around his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: talk about child abuse, talk about heavy guilt and the murder of Tony’s parents
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with me. I’m already plotting the next installment so you want have to wait too long I hope! 
> 
> As always: your comments give me life! 
> 
> Stay safe, sane and if you need to talk feel free to find me on tumblr or discord! Or if you wanna scream at me


	11. Bonus: The (unfinished) List of rules of how to behave like a human being (that goes for you, too, Clint!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOT A CHAPTER
> 
> just the unfinished list of rules for the Avengers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just because

The Do’s and Don’ts of Society:

Killing people is bad (exceptions include protecting others or yourself. When in doubt ask Jarvis, Rhodey or Pepper for advice)

Everyone is allowed to express themselves however they are most comfortable as long as it doesn’t make other people uncomfortable

You DO NOT get between Tony and his coffee, Thor and his pop tarts, Nat and her knives, Clint and his remote (or Steve and his Tony)  
No means we do not do the thing the other person has said no to. Exceptions are in life-or-death-situations or if the no was sarcastic (ask for clarification if it is unclear). You can say no to everything you don’t want.

You do not make Peter cry

You don’t interrupt ‘certain moments’ 

Forcing others to do something that they don’t want to do is bad (exceptions might include making Tony eat, drink and sleep a healthy amount of time but have to be sanctioned by Jarvis, Rhodey or Pepper)

You’re allowed to say no

You are allowed to have opinions even if your taste sucks

You don’t follow someone 24/7. 

Personal space is very important and has to be given to everyone. Consent is key.

You are allowed to make your own (stupid) choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished rereading.
> 
> Now the real plotting starts :D
> 
> See you in the next installment my amazing readers!

**Author's Note:**

> First things first:  
> I changed some of the ages of the characters. In 2013 they are: Tony (33, his parents were killed when he was 13), Steve (physically 27, he was 66 years in the ice), Winter (physically 34, he was about 60 years frozen but with frequent interruptions), Peter (14), Natasha (29), Clint (31), Bruce (41), Thor (around 1500), Pepper (36) and Rhodey (37).
> 
> Thanks for reading, thanks for the kudos and all your amazing comments. I really don't know how I would have survived 2020 without you!
> 
> If you have any more questions, suggestions or prompts please feel free to write them in the comments!


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